Ray tells Gerard he knows about the abuse in Monica's past. Gerard remembers a dark part of his past.
"It was supposed to be released in January. I think it was Bob told me that its gonna come out later this month" Gerard took a drag off his cigarette then tossed it away. "I really want to see it."
"Yea, I agree. Lets face it a group of National Guard trainees finding themselves battling against a vicious group of mutants on their last day of training in the desert sounds promising."
Gerard laughed "I can still remember seeing the original "Hills Have Eyes" one night on TV. Mom thought Mikey and me were sleeping but we snuck back upstairs to watch it. Mikey was traumatized for weeks."
"I saw it with my brother too." Ray told him. They walked in silence until they neared the bus. "Gee what was that scene all about today at the mall with Monica and that woman?" He wasn't sure if Gerard wanted to talk about the incident but having known him so long Ray could tell it had upset him. It sure as hell had upset Monica.
"Shit, I don't know. I mean I know that woman was from some church that her husband had belonged to. Monica was none to happy to see her. She kept asking Monica where she had been all this time. I guess Monica and the girls left their town without telling anyone."
"Gee, I really like Monica and I was really surprised by her spunkiness today. Fuck, when she took your hand and practically marched you back to that woman to tell her what a great guy you were I was gonna clap."
"Listening were you?" Gerard said giving him a sideways look.
"We were all straining to hear the conversation. I guess I'm just trying to say I'm kind of worried about Monica. It's like there is something she is running from." He waited but Gerard offered no explanation. "Has she ever told you much about her husband? Like how he died?"
Ray was as close as any brother to him so he tried not to take offence to his questions. He knew Ray was trying to figure Monica out. "He drowned in a pond on their property. She really never talks much about him."
"She told me it wasn't a happy marriage," Ray said quietly.
Gerard stopped walking and turned to him. "She told you that?"
Ray nodded in the darkness, "Yea, she also let me know that he abused her." He paused then added "and that she can never give you a child of your own."
"Fuck, when did she tell you all of this?" He was surprised she hadn't told him that she had confided in Ray.
"Yesterday when I talked to her before the concert. I guess she is finally feeling comfortable enough around me to talk."
Gerard began walking again slowly, "She was pretty sure for a while there that you didn't like her."
"Yea, she said something like that to me. I think she said she knew that she wasn't my favorite person. I told her that I was worried about you and that was why I seemed sort of distant to her."
Deciding he needed to talk to someone he asked Ray to stop and talk to him a few minutes before they went in.
"Ray I love her so much but she is keeping things from me. Fuck, I know she is running from something in her past but she won't talk about it. Yea, she has come a long way from the woman who told me she could never love me but something is still standing between us. I'm sure it has to do with her husband."
"I wish there was something I could say to help you out but I have no idea. I guess my advice would be to just keep loving her and wait."
"That's what I've been doing but now she is having strange dreams and nightmares. I've seen her go through an anxiety attack once I don't want to see it happen again. It's like anytime that dead son of a bitches name is mentioned she flips out."
Ray looked over at his friend. He couldn't read the emotions on his face because of the darkness. Still he went on "How badly did he abuse her?"
"You wouldn't fucking believe it. He mentally and physically abused her. He kept he silent by threatening to kill the girls if she told. He had her completely under his control. I'm glad the fucker is dead so I don't have to kill him."
They both became aware of someone else in the darkness. "Gerard can I speak to you a minute?" Jerry asked.
"See you inside" Ray said to Gerard.
Jerry waited until Ray had closed the door before he spoke. "Something happened earlier that I think you should know. A kid who was waiting to hand her a note spooked your girlfriend. I don't know how he got back here but he did. When she read it she turned pale as a ghost. I asked if she was all right and she said she was but hell, she wasn't. As your tour manager I need to know what goes on. Is she in some kind of trouble?"
Gerard wondered how he should answer the question. He chose his words carefully, "No. And before you say anything else let me tell you a few things. Monica is nothing like Liv. I know you hated being tour manager for us when I was with Liv. You hated me bringing her on the bus."
Jerry broke in "Yea, I hated her then and I hate her now cause I realized too late the drugs she was giving you. That night in KC when you had to wake me cause Brain told you to, I would have wrung her neck. As you and I walked and talked until the drugs started to wear off I hated her more than I had ever hated anyone. I still have nightmare about that night. In them instead of you waking me it's Frank waking me to tell me they found you dead. That you had committed suicide."
"Man, I'm so sorry I put so many people through all that shit." he stood shifting from one foot to the other. " Yea Liv gave me the drugs but I was the fucker that took them."
"Lets not talk about her. I know she is still fucking with you because of this business about a child and all but for now I'm just worrying about your present girlfriend. I just want to know if there is anything I'm gonna have to deal with."
"Monica has some problems but they are in her past. She is just having trouble dealing with them."
Jerry wasn't convinced. "That incident at the mall happened today, the note that kid gave he was today. Those things obviously aren't staying in her past. She seems like a nice person Gerard and I can see how much you love her. All I'm asking is that you let me know if something comes up. Don't keep me in the dark."
"Yea, I understand what you're saying and thanks man for being there for me that night in KC. I don't think I ever really thanked you."
"You didn't need to Gerard." He turned to enter the bus, "See you in the morning."
Gerard stood outside and lit another cigarette. The temperature had dropped and he could see is breath as well as the cigarette smoke. He looked up at the moon and sighed. Should he confront her about the note or wait and see if she mentioned it first? By the time he went into the bus he still hadn't made a decision.
He didn't need to decide. She was sleeping on the sofa curled up into a ball. He grabbed the covers from her bunk and placed them around her body. He would just wait and see what tomorrow would bring.
Authors note: The incident Gerard and Jerry are talking about did happen. It was at the Warped Tour of 2004 in KC when Gerard called Brian wasted and taking about suicide. Brian talked to him then had him wake his tour manager who stayed with him until the drugs started to wear off and he fell asleep. I guess to me the story is so eerie because the place where MCR played that night is right down the road from where I live. Thankfully Gerard got clean and sober and has been ever since Aug 11 2004.