Categories > Games > Final Fantasy 7 > Unrequited Desires

Chapter 9 Paronia

by previously_recorded 0 reviews

Cloud gets taken by Sephiroth when he looks for him in the mountains. Leads to a relationship, but the past can never truly be forgotten. dark themes sc zc

Category: Final Fantasy 7 - Rating: R - Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama - Characters: Cloud Strife, Reno, Sephiroth, Zack - Warnings: [!!] [V] [X] - Published: 2005-09-02 - Updated: 2005-09-02 - 5054 words

Unrequited Desires

Chapter 9 Paranoia

Reno tiredly rubbed at his eyes, as he stared at his semi-blurry reflection in the mirror. He had gotten up from bed to go do his duty, and now he was finding it hard to make his way back to his room.

As he was staring into his reflection when another face appeared. The sad part was that he didn't even get the chance to scream like a girl before his face was smashed into the glass. He could feel blood pouring from his face, and he made a move to grab at it. He felt like his skin was going to fall off. What the hell did he do to deserve this?

"Zack what the fuck is wrong with you?" You know what he didn't even care why the ill tempered SOLDIER was here, but he did care why he happened to slam his face into his bathroom mirror.

Through the red haze he saw amber eyes glaring at him. "Sit down Reno I think we need to have a little talk." Doing his best to glare while having to pretty much completely shut his eyes, Reno stumbled into his kitchen.

Once there he grabbed a dish rag, and threw open his freezer to get some ice. There was a nice way to greet him, after all as far as he knew he hadn't done anything to him. Reno placed the ice onto his cut up face, and sank into his kitchen chair.

"Okay you bastard, I'm sitting now. What exactly is it that you felt the need to talk to me about this late at night?" Reno leaned against the table, and pushed his boxers down as far as they could go. The last thing he needed was for Zack to see what he definitely didn't want him to see.

Amber eyes darkened considerably as he leaned against the counter. "Oh Reno I think you know." As a matter of fact he didn't know, he would never have the question if he had some idea where this bout of insanity came from.

"Now tell me Zack when is that you completely lost it?" Reno set the pack of ice down. Fully set on chewing the little bastard out for doing this to him.

Reno moved to grab the pack of cigarettes that were sitting on his table, lighting one up as he waited for the SOLDIER's answer. "Fuck you you Turk! You think I lost it now, you're lucky I waited a few hours to come see you. Otherwise it wouldn't just be your face that got massacred." He inhaled the nicotine into his lungs as he bid his time for Zack to continue. "Let's just say a little birdie told me about a certain blond haired soldier was back in town." Oh shit. How the fuck did he find out about that? Okay so granted he probably should have told him, but that was beside the point. A little birdie told him? No one even knew that he was back except him. As a matter of fact no one that even knew him before he was supposedly dead knew that Cloud was back, well except...

"You've been talking to Aeris." It wasn't a question. There really wasn't another person who it could possibly be.

"How perceptive. Then you must also know why I might be a little upset over the whole matter." Oh he had an idea, but he really shouldn't be upset. It's not like it was fun when he saw Cloud. After all this Cloud hated him, as a matter of fact this Cloud thought he had revised an entire conspiracy against him to supposedly poison his mind against Sephiroth.

The red head offered the pack of cigarettes to Zack, but when the only thing he received was a scowl. "Ok now Zack I can understand why you might be a little upset over the whole thing, but in all fairness I just found out two days ago, and I've sort have been drunk for the entire period." He stopped, and then rephrased what he had just said. "Well now I'm not drunk...but I do have a wicked hangover."

"Oh how does that not surprise me? Somehow the thought of you crawling down into a bottle doesn't really shock my senses." Zack walked forward and slammed his hands on the table. "But I don't give a fuck what you do with your worthless and miserable existence fuck head. You should have called me the moment you found out that Cloud was away from that psychopath!"

"Fuck would you stop yelling. My head hurts." Oh yeah, he had forgotten about him. Reno stole a glance at his bedroom to see Rufus standing there in nothing but a sheet as he stared at them in confusion. His eyes traveled to Zack, and his confusion seemed to grow. "Damn I thought you were dead."

Of all the reactions he thought Zack would have to seeing the blond aristocrat here now of all times, howling laughter really wasn't on the top of his list. "Oh my fucking God, you're sleeping with Rufus Shinra!" Reno narrowed his eyes. Did he have to say it like that? Okay so it was true, he had slept with Rufus. But in his defense he was really drunk at the time, and more than a little emotionally traumatized at having to see Cloud again. "Damn Turk I knew you had always set your sights high, but to go after the President of really have outdone yourself."

"Shut up Zack. As a matter of fact get the fuck out of my house. What the hell are you doing here anyways?" He didn't need this right now. Well not that he ever needed to deal with Zack's shit, but right now was especially not a good time. Rufus walked over to where he was sitting, keeping weary eyes on Zack the entire time, and grabbed the lit cigarette from his fingers. Using it to light himself one of his own from the pack.

"You know I usually don't smoke, but seeing somebody come back from the dead can have that unusual effect on you." He looked to Reno, then Zack, then back to Reno again. "Would somebody care to explain what's going on?"

In all fairness he would have probably been just as confused if he didn't know the little fucker was back a few months ago. "Rufus Zack is looking for Cloud...we're not exactly sure how he managed to cheat death yet." Short, simple, to the point. Plus there really wasn't much more to tell.

"I see." See that was what you had to love about Rufus Shinra, he just took everything at face value. Now most people would have been shocked to see someone back from the dead, but he acted as if he could give a fuck less. Rufus grabbed the now wet towel from the melted ice, and began to wipe the dried blood away from his face. "What happened to your face?"

He grabbed at the towel, lowering it away from his face. "I had a bad run in with my mirror." As he said this he did his best to glare at the person responsible for it. "It's nothing I can't handle." At that Rufus shrugged, and took another drag off his smoke.

Now you just had to admire that about Rufus. He had just found out that someone who was supposed to be dead wasn't, found out that the supposed dead guy had just assaulted him, been caught in nothing but a sheet, and he could just shrug it off as if nothing had happened. It didn't matter that if it got out they he was sleeping with one of his Turks it could effectively ruin his reputation, or hell maybe he did, but the guy was cool with his emotions you could never tell.

"Oh look at mister high and mighty. Last time I saw you Shinra you were snorting coke lines out of the bathroom stall." The blond smiled at him.

"The last time I saw you Zack you were pumped full of bullet holes and bleeding out all over the ground dead." He said this all with a smile, as he took a final drag and put his cigarette out in the ashtray. Wow, even for him that was a little harsh. As for Zack's reaction, he looked like he seriously wanted to beat the hell out of him.

"That's a big mouth you got there for a punk ass brat that probably had about a half a brain cell left from all the gasoline you sniffed as a teenager." Rufus smirked a little, and then the next second there was a gun pointed at the ex-SOLDIER's head.

"Is that so Zack?" Wow apparently Rufus' teenage days were a rough subject, and Reno would step in, really he would have, but he didn't like Zack all that much and wouldn't mind seeing his brains splattered all over his kitchen. Although that did mean he would have to clean it up, but hell it was worth it.

"What are you going to do Mr. President, shoot me?" Zack used his hand to shrug him off. "You don't have the guts." Oh, now see in all his years of knowing Rufus challenging him definitely wasn't a good idea. When the kid was eight years old Heidgar had told him that he was too young to hold a weapon, the kid had grabbed an automatic shotgun and blew the hell out of his office. When he was 15 when he was hanging out with some of the older soldiers they had dared him that he couldn't drink more than they could, he had ended up drinking 24 beers and nearly succumbing to alcohol poisoning as he bungee jumped off the building. When he was 17 someone had questioned his libido, he had ended up having a threesome with both Scarlet and Tseng. So yeah pretty much, the kid didn't like to be questioned.

Rufus got up from his seat, taking care to hold up his sheet as he did so. He pointed the handgun right at Zack's face, and in an instant turned the gun downwards and shot his foot. If he wasn't so shocked over the whole matter, Reno might have made a move to laugh. Zack fell forward grasping at his injured foot. "And tell me shit head who exactly do you think ordered the hit on your worthless ass?"

The laughter faded from the room. He was the one that ordered it? But that meant... "You tried to kill Cloud?" Zack looked up from his place on the floor, and with almost demon eyes pounced at Rufus.

His hands tightened around the blond's throats. "You bastard! You got me killed, you fucking almost killed Cloud!" His hands tightened even more. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't fucking kill you right now!"

He would actually like to know the answer to that as well. How could he have ordered that hit? Alright given that Cloud and Zack were a major threat to the entire corporation, and at the time he most likely didn't know any better. His father was really the backbone behind all of his decisions anyways, but still. How could he knowingly put Cloud in that kind of danger, didn't he even consider him a friend at all?

The question that had been asked didn't get an answer, because it was in that time that Zack's PHS rang. The raven haired soldier looked from his phone, to the person he was currently strangling, and apparently the call won out. He couldn't really blame him though, it was like 4:30 in the morning so whatever call he might be getting was obviously pretty important.

With a glare Zack got off of Rufus, and took the call to the other room. Slowly Reno walked over, and offered the blond a hand. The hand was excepted, and just once the thought went through his head to let go of it and let Rufus fall back on his ass.

He didn't though, because he had a job to protect this man. He didn't really think causing him bodily harm really fit into those guidelines. There eyes met as Rufus got to his feet, and he couldn't be sure but he thought he saw sorrow in the President's eyes.

"Sephiroth did what!" That cut off whatever he had been thinking about, and he ran into the other room. Zack was pacing around frantically, clutching the phone to him as if his life depended on it. "How could this happen Aeris?" He ran his hand through his long spikes. "And he just stabbed her and then took him?" Reno's jaw dropped. This so wasn't good. "Well what you mean not exactly?" The little he had heard of the conversation that bit gave him some hope, until the next words left his lips. "He fucking stabbed him!" Zack was clutching the PHS, and Reno was pretty sure it was going to break. "What do you mean he kissed him!" Apparently that was all the shocks to the system he could take, because the device shattered into a million pieces as he smashed it against the wall.

After a few moments of pacing the small apartment, Zack turned towards him with a look that could kill. "Get your coat Turk, we're going to get Cloud back from Sephiroth."


"You wanted to see me sir?" Cloud nervously stole glances at Sephiroth, as he stood in his office. Zack had told him that Sephiroth wanted to talk to him since they hadn't talked since they had gotten back together. Truthfully he couldn't believe Zack wanted him to see Sephiroth at all, but he was only too happy to deliver the message. In fact he was acting as if nothing had ever gone sour between the two.

Aqua eyes snapped up from a pile of paperwork to stare into his own. "What have I told you about formalities Cloud. Sephiroth is fine." The older man motioned for the chair. "Sit."

He did what he was told without a second thought, sinking into the uncomfortable guest chairs Sephiroth had in his office. Truthfully he still had no idea why he was even here, because shouldn't they just leave things how they are and try to forget that little kiss they shared happened in the first place? Sephiroth scribbled his name onto a few more papers before actually focusing on him.

"So how is Zack?" See that was just one of those questions you just didn't ask somebody. Well it was one of those questions you didn't ask somebody you had cheated on that person with.

"He's fine sir. You know him." Sephiroth's eyebrow raised a little, and a small smirk came onto his face. Cloud gulped at that and tried to stop the butterflies that were fluttering in his stomach at such a look. Why was he feeling this way? More over what was he feeling? Admiration? Fear? Desire? No! He shook his head to dislodge such thoughts from his head.

"Is something the matter Strife?" Damn. Why the hell did he do that in front of Sephiroth? He really was stupid.

Cloud frantically shook his head. "No, of course not!" His head stopped shaking. "Sephiroth why is that you wanted to see me?" His face fell towards the ground as he examined his feet. "I would have thought you hated me after I messed up your friendship with Zack."

"I don't hate you Cloud." The blond's head snapped up at that. Didn't hate him? How could he not? Zack wouldn't talk to him for weeks because of him. "As a matter of fact I desire you greatly."

Cloud's eyes widened dramatically at those words. He hadn't really just said what he thought he had said had he? "What?"

Sephiroth got out of his chair, walking over to the one window in his office. "I said I wanted you Cloud." He turned to face him. "More than I've ever wanted anything before."

His mouth opened and closed quite a few times as he attempted to process what he had just heard. He found that there was only one legitimate explanation for this, he was dreaming. That's all it was. Just a dream. A very very weird dream.

Though he had to take into consideration that this wasn't a dream, and if it wasn't then what did this all mean? There was no doubt he had wanted Sephiroth before, in the back of his mind he probably still did. That most likely explained why he had kissed him on Valentine's Day, but he couldn't because he was in love. He was in love with... "Zack..."

Laughter could be heard from near the window, and seeing as how Cloud felt like jelly on the inside he didn't exactly find this the best time to be laughed at. "Oh don't worry Strife I know I can't try anything. If I had wanted to I wouldn't have brought you back to Zack in the first place." He turned to stare out the window yet again, resting his hand in his elbow as he stared out into the sunshine. "I guess I just wanted to tell you that, because you intrigued me."

"I...I intrigued you?" Sephiroth didn't turn towards him, but he saw him smile.

"Yes, because you see being a General in Shinra is quite a lonely existence. In fact since I was born really the only one I had ever even considered a friend was Zack, and he was more annoying than anything." Where was he going with this? Never hearing Sephiroth speak so openly before Cloud couldn't help but listen intently. "Everyone always looked at me like I was far away...untouchable." Sephiroth's eyes were far away, like he was in a different world entirely. "Then just a normal soldier dared to kiss me, and he made me actually feel something. More than I ever have in the 18 years I've been alive. He didn't shy away from me because of my position, he didn't care."

Sephiroth drifted off into space, and when he turned back to look at him he was actually smiling. "Funny. I've never talked like this with anyone before." Cloud's eyes were glazed over after hearing what he had. "Not until you..." Not until you, how could he have said such things to him without knowing how he was going to react?


Cloud gasped as pain invaded his senses the moment he regained consciousness. What was going on? Why did everything hurt so much? His hand flew down to the source of his misery, and felt wet, no doubt bloody, bandages covering up a fresh wound on his side.

"You're finally awake." Mako blue eyes widened at the sound of that voice. He remembered now, he remembered why he had such a wound. He remembered why it was possible that Sephiroth was talking to him, but most of all he remembered one of his friends hitting the floor of Rocket Town village dead.

Cloud sprung from the bed, launching himself towards the face of his frustrations. He ignored the pain shooting through him at such an action. Determination fueled his senses as his body connected with that of his lover's. His hands immediately flew up to Sephiroth's neck and squeezed as hard as he could. "You bastard! How could you!" Tears pooled at his eyes, and the harder he squeezed, the harder they fell. "How the fuck could you!"

The hands around Sephiroth's neck loosened as Cloud collapsed onto his lover's chest, absentmindingly banging it with his fists. Arms came around him, and he stopped his fight all together. "Shh Shh it's alright." Cloud was lifted up and laid back in bed, his fists still clinging to the fabric of Sephiroth's shirt. "If you move around to much you're going to tear open the wound in your side.

Sephiroth made a move to get up, but insistent hands kept him where he was. "Don't...don't leave..." Cloud frantically shook his head back and forth, tears still falling freely from his eyes. "Don't leave me again."

With a sigh, the silver haired warrior placed two legs on either side of Cloud's hips, and supported himself by leaning on his elbows. Cloud could feel a warm liquid rolling down his hip, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Sephiroth's eyes to do anything about it.

He was really here, he wasn't dreaming. Sephiroth was on top of him, and suddenly what had happened didn't seem to matter at the moment. Not thinking Cloud reached out and pulled Sephiroth's mouth down to meet his, lightly caressing the lips he adored so much.

Cloud's eyes shut as a second hand came up to wrap around his neck, and the blond did his best to deepen the kiss. Loving the way Sephiroth's tongue slowly came into his mouth to massage his own.

He hadn't kissed Sephiroth in so long, not since he had left him so long ago. But no, that wasn't exactly true was it? They had kissed in Rocket Town, right after he had stabbed him and killed Yuffie.

Breaking the kiss, Cloud turned his head away. "Get away from me." His voice was cold, and he expected Sephiroth to get the message. When the body on top of him retreated he knew that he had in fact gotten it.

"For the person who initiated the kiss you're sure quick to dismiss me." Pushing himself up to a sitting position, Cloud did his best to glare.

"Bastard! How dare you kiss me after you stabbed me." Cloud pointed at him. "After you killed her!" He immediately regretted the pointing, because it sent a shock of pain through his body, and he had to grab his side.

The blood was coming out faster now, and as he looked down he saw the bandage completely soaked in blood. A hiss of pain escaped him, but that pain didn't stop him from jerking away when Sephiroth touched his side to examine it. "Don't touch me."

Completely ignoring him, Sephiroth slowly began to remove the now blood soaked bandages. Cloud watched as his mangled flesh came into view, his life energy slowly seeping out of it. "I told you not to move around so much, now the wound's completely torn open."

He scowled at the man. "Feh...then let it bleed. It'd be better to die like this than have to go through the shame of having you fix it for me." Cloud gasped in surprise when a hand connected with his face.

"Stop being such an idiot. If you want to hate me fine, but at least let me treat your wound first." He stared wide eyed as Sephiroth went into the bathroom to get supplies. His hand went up to his face to fill the place where he had just been slapped. A tingling sensation filled his body as he could feel the mako trying to close his wounds, in all honesty if he wasn't a SOLDIER that stab would have likely killed him.

Sephiroth returned a few moments later with a wash basin, bandages, and antiseptic. He tried his best as the man wrung out the washcloth not to meet his eyes, he was just too afraid of what he might see in them

A hiss escaped his throat as the warm rag touched his wound, cleaning up the excess blood around it. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up. You were asleep for nearly a week." Determined to keep his cold attitude, Cloud didn't let the concerned voice get to him. Instead he merely glared.

The washcloth in Sephiroth's hand was now completely pink from cleaning, and he let it fall back into the basin. Cloud gritted his teeth as the antiseptic was rubbed on his wound. "Yeah well I bet you had fun while I was out. Exactly how many people did you kill during that time?" He couldn't help it, he let his sarcastic nature flair. "Man in that amount of time you could have killed hundreds...hell even thousands." He met Sephiroth's eyes with a glare. "Don't tell me my condition made you hold back."

The man ignored him, and began to wrap the bandages around his wound. It was in that moment that Cloud damned his own body to hell, because every time Sephiroth's fingers would ghost over his skin as they wrapped around him, his body would tingle in pleasure. As the wrap made it's way around his body for about the eighth time, Cloud knew he couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Sephiroth's head, pulling his lips back towards his.

He immediately parted Sephiroth's lips, forcing his tongue into his lover's mouth. Way too caught up in the pleasure to really be concerned with what he was doing. He pushed himself forward, settling himself down onto Sephiroth's lap. He felt arms wrap around his waist, and he pushed forward even more so that the silver haired man was forced to fall backwards onto the bed.

As soon as they hit the bed however, Cloud once again realized why what he was doing was so wrong. He pushed himself up, and scurried away from the man. "No! You can't kiss me! In fact you can't ever touch me again!"

Sephiroth pushed himself up to a sitting position, and moved over to the head of the bed. "You know I love kissing you puppy, really I do, but if you're going to do this every time you kiss me than I'd rather you just not do it at all."

Even though he scoffed at that, and crossed his arms over his chest, he realized that Sephiroth did have a point. He had been the one to initiate both of the kisses, and he had also been the one both times to pull back. He couldn't help it though, he desperately loved Sephiroth, would do anything for him, but he couldn't just act like nothing had happened, he couldn't just act as if what he did didn't matter.

A thought occurred to him, a though that he now realized should have occurred to him a long time ago. He had passed out after he got stabbed, and so he had no idea what happened to either Aeris or Cid. He wanted to hit himself. He didn't even know if his two friends were alive and he was kissing their would be killer. He was pathetic.

"What happened after you stabbed me?" He glared at Sephiroth. "Forgive me for not remaining conscious." So he was a little spiteful, but he had every right to be. Sephiroth had stabbed him. Who wouldn't be a little pissed?

"I told your two companions that they could keep their lives as long as they didn't interfere with me taking you." He couldn't help it, his mouth dropped a little. Sephiroth had let them live? The man didn't seem to notice his shock, for he continued talking. "And all things considered I think they were a little too freaked out to even attempt to put up a fight, what with me killing that bitch, and then kissing you."

Cloud's eyes widened to saucers. He hadn't even thought about it! They had seen Sephiroth kiss him, so that meant that... "They know don't they?"

"I'm afraid so, in the condition I was in I was lucky I was able to keep control enough to spare their lives, let alone stop myself from touching you." Sephiroth turned to look at him, as if what he had just said wasn't life shattering. But he was always like that, saying such extravagant things as if they didn't even matter. It was the same that time in his office. Cloud stopped himself right there. That time in his office was just a dream, it never really happened. Then why did it feel so real? The better question was when did he start believing that his dreams were actually reality?

He tightly shut his eyes, determined to dispel such evil thoughts. "Yeah well why hold back? It's obvious you don't give a damn anything other than your own sick pleasure." Sephiroth looked down, and he could have sworn he heard a snort of laughter. "Are you laughing at me? How the fuck can you laugh at my pain you jackass? Do you really not give a fuck about me?"

During this time Cloud had gotten onto his hands and knees, so that he was painfully sprawled in front of him. He gasped in surprise when his face was pulled forward, and lightly kissed. "Don't you know anything Cloud? I didn't kill them because I knew it would hurt so much. I killed the bitch because you fucked her, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I love you Cloud, and when I knew that your hands had been all over her I couldn't take it. The same thing that snapped inside me in Nibelheim came out again, and I didn't have you to bring me back this time."

Why did he have to say that? Why couldn't he just have let him stay mad. Tears blurred his eyes as he crawled forward, making his way onto his lover's lap. His knees were on either side of Sephiroth's hips, and he simply laid his head on his chest. "Do you think things will ever be the same again Sephiroth?"

A sigh escaped his throat when arms came up around him. He really couldn't believe that he could find so much comfort in just being held by him. Things were not going to be the same, he knew they weren't. No words of comfort whispered by him would ever change that, not that any words were. Sephiroth simply held him until his injuries became a bit too much for him, and his eye lids got a bit too heavy. He fell asleep there, wrapped in his lover's arms. Wondering just what was going to happen next, and knowing that however much he might want them to, things could never go back to the way they were.


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