Categories > Anime/Manga > Ranma 1/2 > A Fighting Spirit
Chapter One
2 reviewsWhile stuck in a hospital bed Ranma find out something freighting that sends the pigtailed Martial artist on a path of new techniques and, a new series of adventures.
-1Illiterate
Reviews
A Fighting Spirit
(#) EvilDan 2008-10-31
Not bad as far as plot goes. the writing needs a little work. You have to merge a lot of your sentences and use less passive voice. For example, instead of something like "There was a person standing in the rain. That person was Ranma." use "Ranma was standing in the rain." This would make your story much easier to read.A Fighting Spirit
(#) narutoscreed 2010-05-15
While the premise of the story is sound, and not something I've seen before. The writing style leaves much to be desired.
I rated the story +1 for originality.
The problem with the story is that you need a beta reader. You have a tendency to beat the reader over the head with information, giving it from multiple character POV's. This means that instead of the information being fresh and new, the reader gets the feeling they are being called stupid because they obviously can't remember what you wrote in the previous sentence.
One sentence that shows this graphically is...
'They're on each leg of his legs was a white cast on each of his legs'
Instead of just...
He had casts on both his broken legs.
The story would have been a third of its current length if you'd done that.
Once more, having said that the story has a good underlying theme that I could have gotten into if you didn't seem to have abandoned it.
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