I was finally able to go home. After three days in the hospital. Mikey helped me walk up the stairs in my house.
"You need anything?"
"No. you've done enough already Mikey. Go home, rest."
"I want to make sure you're okay. Maybe I'll call to Gerard to come stay with you."
"No! I never want to see him again."
"He doubted me and called me a liar while I was almost dead! I have a right to hold a grudge."
"I'm going home you crazy bitch."
"I fuck love you!" I yelled and threw a pillow at him as he went for the door. He called back,
"I love you too!" and left. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Bert's number.
"Hello?" he sounded like he had been sleeping.
"Did I wake you?"
"Okay. Well I just wanted to see how you are."
"We're writing the new album."
"Awesome! You need to send me some demos."
"Are you kidding? That's so great Bert. Congratulations."
"Its Really not that great, Alaina."
"Wait I don't understand."
"Kate ODed on drugs. She died and so did the baby." By this time he was sobbing.
"Bert. Oh my god I'm so sorry. How-I-Bert...."
"How could this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?"
"Nothing. You didn't do anything. Life is hard and it was just meant to be this way."
"I hate myself. I could have saved her. I loved her so much..."
"Its okay. Its gonna be okay..." I stayed on the phone with Bert for three hours. He eventually calmed down and decided to go to bed. I lie awake in my bed at eight at night. All I did was think. Thinking about my life. I got up and looked on the shelf where a picture frame sat. It had best friends written all over it. There was a picture of me and Gerard in it. It always made me smile no matter what. I took it down and got in my car and drove. I arrived at Gerard's house. Donald's car was gone. I assumed him and Donna went to a party. I opened the door and walked in the living room clutching the frame close to my chest. I was ready to tell him. I was ready to tell him how I felt. I needed to tell him how I felt. When I reached the couch I saw a patch of ebony hair but when I peaked over the side I found blonde hair also. Gerard lay on top of Olivia. I was about to leave until Gerard looked up.
"Hi! Sorry I'm interrupting. I'll come back another time."
"No its fine-" Olivia stood up in front of me and cut in.
"Yeah please. Go!"
"Don't worry honey I'm gone." I walked to leave.
"Jesus, you don't have to be bitchy about it." I whipped around making sure my long hair hit her in the face. Then I set the picture down on the table next to me.
"I said you don't have to be a bitch about it! God what is your problem!?"
"My problem is I dislike you very much and I don't let people I dislike talk to me like that." Gerard lookedsurprised. I guess it didn't occur to him me and Olivia never got along.
"You are such a little slut. Get out of here."
"Olivia, sto-" Gerard was cut off again but by me this time.
"I'm the slut? Why don't you go fucking sleep with all your other boyfriends!? You little cunt!"
"Hey! Alaina don't talk to her like that!"
"What!?" I looked at him disbelievingly.
"Don't talk to her like that!"
"How are you sticking up for that whore?" I grabbed the picture and stormed out the door. I was on the lawn and about to leave. I turned to say one more thing but Olivia shoved me. The picture fell on the grass and I stood there shocked she would ever lay her hands on me.
"Bitch!" I pushed her to the ground. When she hit the floor she grabbed my ankles and brought me down with her. From there she sat on top of me and punched me. I rolled over on her and punched her few times.
"God damnit Alaina!" Gerard pulled her off her and pushed me aside so he could get to her. I tripped over the picture and fell on my bottom. He helped her up as she fake cried. Tears weld up in my eyes.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you such a bitch to Olivia? Why cant you be nice to the girl I love?"
"Love!?" I got up and grabbed the picture walking off the grass and onto the concrete driveway. He followed me yelling profanities that I returned.
"So much for best fucking friends." I threw the picture at his feet. It loudly shattered. As I got in my car I yelled, "I'm going home and BURNING everything I have from you! And I hope YOU burn in hell!" I drove faster than I ever would to Bob's house. I knew all the boys would be there. I wanted to tell them goodbye. I would officially be leaving town once I got home to pack my bags. I reached the house. I could hear them inside. Their loud voices and laughs made me smile.
"Hey Alaina. What are you doing here?"
"Yeah you should be resting." Mikey came closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Woah what happened? You're bleeding."
"Nothing sweetie. I just came here to tell you all something." Everyone nodded and stood around me. I continued while my tears began to fall.
"I realized something when I was in the hospital. I realized how much I love you guys. You are the reason I live and breathe and laugh. The reason I carry on and wake up every day. Without you is going to be so hard. And I want you to know no matter what all of you are always in my heart. You are my family."
"We love you too Alaina. But what do you mean 'without us is going to be hard'?" I hugged Mikey and didn't say another word. I moved to Ray then Bob and finally Frank. I whispered quick 'I love you's in each of their ears which they all returned and I left them in the house puzzled by my words. They would understand when I didn't answer my calls the next day.
I was driving to my house when I realized I had to say goodbye to one more person. I called Helen's house but no answer. I tried again and got voicemail. That was the next best thing. I left my long message telling her not to worry and how she was such a good influence on me. I reached my house and walked up the stairs. I packed all my belongings and hauled them downstairs. I went back up to my room and layed on my bed. I planned to leave early the next morning. It would be better than leaving at 10. Before I went to sleep I made one phone call.
"Alaina! How are you?"
"I'm good. Hey, what do you think about me paying you a visit?"
"That'd be great! When?"
"Tomorrow?" I hung up after a five minute conversation. My eyes were getting heavy and I fell asleep. But not before noticing how funny my room smelt. It must have been the heater or something.