Monica visits someone close to Gerard and gains both strength and peace.
Her footsteps echoed on the marble floor as she searched for the brass tag inscribed with the name Elena L Rush. It only took a few moments for her to locate it. Reverently she reached out and touched the cool metal and with her fingertip traced the lettering. She closed her eyes and began the conversation in her mind.
"Elena, I'm Monica and I am in love with Gee. I believe you are still with us all in spirit so I think you already know who I am and why I'm here. He gave me his heart that's why I wear your locket. He has my heart forever. Please help me; I don't know what to do. He is hurting and I feel so helpless. Help me to understand why he doesn't want to accept his child who bares your name. Please just give me strength to stand by him."
She stood completely still and listened with her heart. Suddenly her eyes opened and a feeling of peace passed through her, she felt unafraid. Taking a step back she smiled, "Thank you" she said out loud and heard her voice echo off the marble walls. When she walked out of the mausoleum the rain had stopped and the clouds parted. Turning her face towards the sky, the sun reappeared and she felt its warmth on her face. In her mind she recalled Gerard having this same experience the day of Elena's funeral. He had come out of the mausoleum into the sunshine and knew that it would be all right.
Gerard sat across from Mikey who was attacking his stack of pancakes with gusto. "Gee aren't you gonna eat anything? There are really good, you should have gotten some."
"Coffee is all I need thanks," Gerard said taking a sip of the strong brew enjoying the aroma almost as much as the taste. "Can you believe we have two separate signings today?"
"Hey, it's cool with me. One radio interview and two signings will keep us busy and make the time go by faster. I just want to get on the plane in the morning and get home. I miss Alicia and hey, I even miss the damn cats."
Gerard laughed, "Alicia I understand but the cats? Oh, Mikey you are going soft on me. You and I both know dogs rule."
"Don't let Alicia hear you say that. Really I like the cats we have I'm just hoping there aren't any new ones." He took another bite then asked, "So have you called Monica this morning?"
The coffee cup was raised to his mouth and he swallowed a sip before responding, "I tried right before I left my room but she didn't pick up. I'll try again on the way to the radio station."
Ray joined them at the table, "What' up?"
Mikey pointed to his stack of pancakes, which was quickly shrinking, "These are fucking good."
"Dude, they are pancakes. All pancakes taste the same."
"No, they don't." Mikey insisted, "These are the best pancakes I have ever tasted." He stabbed a small amount on his fork and held it out towards Ray, "Wanna try them?"
Ray laughed, "No thanks, skinny boy. You need them more than me." The waitress appeared and he ordered just a coffee. "So I hear we have a full day."
"Yea, and we are gonna have to get to the van in a few minutes. Where are Frank and Bob?" Gerard asked.
"Bob just rolled out of bed a few minutes ago. Think he was on the phone late talking to Kara. Frank was talking to Jamia when I saw him. He was already heading out to the van." Ray reported.
Gerard smiled, "Man I think he is nervous about going home tomorrow. He and Jamia are gonna tell their families about the baby as soon as he gets there. She has a doctors appointment today and he is nervous about that too."
"I'm glad Alicia and I are proud parents of cats." Mikey said, "Much less complicated."
Ray's coffee arrived and he took a sip, "I dunno babies aren't all that bad."
Mikey and Gerard stared at him. "You like babies?" Mikey asked.
"Well, I don't dislike them" Ray said noticing they were both looking at him like he had grown another head. "What?"
"Oh, nothing" Gerard said innocently. "So anything or anyone you want to tell us about. You know any candidates for a mom we should know about?"
Ray gave him a bored look, "Nope, nothing to tell"
Mikey looked over at Gerard, "I think Torosaurus is lying to us."
"For sure" his brother agreed. "He must be ashamed of us. That's why we can't meet the mystery woman."
Ray was about to tell Gerard just where he could put his last comment when Jerry arrived at the table to hurry them along. They paid the bill and followed him out to the van. Bob had joined Frank already seated and still talking on the phone.
The trip to the radio station wasn't long but Gerard did try to get a call in to Monica. She still wasn't answering. He remembered the conversation from last night and hoped she hadn't changed her mind. She said there was no reason for them to dwell on their problems until he was home and could handle them together. He called his mom but she didn't know where Monica was. She did however know that he hadn't called her and gave him a piece of her mind on that subject. He wondered if Monica had told her about Liv and Elena. He knew he should have called her but he just hadn't been able to make himself do it. "I'm such a coward," he thought. Shit, that was one more thing Monica had taken care of for him. He put his head back and closed his eyes. At once last nights dream came back to him. He understood what it had meant, Monica was reaching out trying to help him but he wouldn't let her. In the dream she had given up and walked away. "Fuck I won't let that happen," he whispered.
Ray who was sitting next to him looked over "What"
"Nothing" Gerard answered, "Nothing at all"
They were waiting to go on air and Gerard was trying not to worry about Monica. Why wasn't she answering his calls? Mikey smiled over at him and gave him the thumbs up sign. He put his worries out of his head for now. He didn't want to mess up the interview for the band. The on-air sign went on and the first question was directed to him.
"Gerard, you're also an illustrator, a job which requires a broad imagination. Do you feel that experience increased your ability to put together a record like "The Black Parade?"
"Yeah. Being an illustrator and always, being able to think visually, really, it just became about building up for the band the kind of heat or the kind of reputation where people would then trust us to be like "you guys can do whatever you want", and we've gotten to that point."
The next question was also directed at him, "After the success of "Revenge" did you feel obliged to come up with a record that was bigger and more complex or did it just happen naturally?"
"I think bands make the biggest mistake, after they have a record like "Revenge" of going backwards. That's why a lot of people's follow-ups to a successful record are kind of lousy of not very ambitious. For some reason, musicians are on some quest for credibility. It's hollow and it has nothing to do with reaching a mass audience. You can't have both. You shouldn't be concerned with credibility. I've met people that got into that, and it's an empty, hollow quest they're constantly on. And in the end they feel screwed because the same people they're trying to appease have moved on to something else. And I've never been concerned with that because it's not what we got into this for. We got into it to actually affect the world, not to affect 20,000 people over the course of eight years. We wanted to make a difference."
"What are the big ideas behind the Black Parade?"
Gerard smiled, "The theory is when you die, hopefully maybe not even hopefully but romantically, Death comes for you however you want, on a subconscious level. People don't know what happens after death, but I don't really feel people know what happens during death. So we have this patient who's this Everyman - he's me, he's you, he's everybody, he's the band, he's a character who represents what we're all going to face one day, which is ending up in a hospital - and his strongest memory is of his dad taking him to see a parade. So then the rest of the record is really an exploration of his mortality, of his failures, his regrets and his fears."
"What of you own experiences with death informed this record?"
The question hit him hard and he paused a moment, "Dealing with the death of my grandmother was the first real heavy, hard death that I ever had to deal with, the one that I thought would be impossible to get through." It was still hard for him to talk about her death, he still missed her everyday.
The rest of the band answered the next several questions. Gerard sat back and tried to concentrate on their answers. However his mind was on his grandma. He wished so much she was still here so she could listen to his problems and help him deal with all of it.
Gerard was asked the last question, "If you were to die tomorrow, would you feel like you have accomplished something important?"
"Yeah, Really, as a human being, that's all you can really hope for is to die with a sense that you lived. And I think, honestly, that's how we all feel. I know that there's a lot more things we want to do. We're definitely not finished."
The guys were walking back out to the van when Monica called, "Hi Honey" He answered, "I tried calling but you didn't answer. Where have you been?"
Monica's answer caused him to stop in the middle of the parking lot causing Frank to run in to him. "I went to talk to your grandma Elena"
His silence didn't surprise her, "She loved you so much and I know you loved her and still miss her."
"Yeah, I do" he closed his eyes a brief moment. "Sometimes when I can I still go and talk to her too." He whispered, "It makes me feel better"
"It made me feel better too, Gee. I told her how much I love you."
The guys were in the van waiting, "Monica, the guys are waiting for me. I love you so much." His voice was heavy with emotion. "I'm glad you went to talk to her."
"The visit gave me strength, Gee. Our love will keep us together always." She told him, "Now, get going and have a good day."
"I'll call you as soon as I can" he promised.
"I'll be waiting" she gave her promise, "I'll always be waiting for you."
Authors Note - Gerard's answers in the interview are once again from "Access" magazine.