Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > This Isn't What You Wanted.

Chapter 11 - With These Words, I Pen Thee

by whatkatydid 10 reviews

Peter And Beatrice.

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2007-04-23 - Updated: 2007-04-23 - 1725 words

Bea left him alone.

She needed time apart to heal, not the physical wounds, but the mental wounds from that evening. Sitting on her bed, she sifted through the photo album and she smiled, cried, hurt, rejoiced, wallowed, revelled and reminisced about the time Pete was in her life.

It was so long ago, yet, how she helped him, was as if she'd never left. After all, that was what she promised him...

The water was barely luke warm, her jaw chattered with the bite to the temperature and as she swam to the shore, he pulled her from the waist, back into his embrace.

"Oh have sex already!" Joe impatiently barked at them from where their cars and mini camp were set up on the lake side.

Pete laughed softly in her ear and she turned around, their hands firmly touching beneath the hidden waters.

Bea stared at his eyes for a moment and as she went to speak, the words hindered themselves behind her tongue.

Pete continued to smile at her and then, well then he revealed a full force Wentz smile on her.

"Wow..." She whispered.

He robbed a kiss from her lips, hard and quick.

"I think...." Bea started, her eyes looked around for a moment and she pursed her lips together gently.

"I think I just fell in love with you Pete Wentz." She said nervously, and then she looked up at his eyes.

He didn't reply with a cheesy comment or belittle her admission, he just kissed her.

"You know, one day, I'm gonna marry you." He said confidently.

Beatrice smiled shyly and he cupped her heart shaped face in his palms.

"And then what are you gonna do?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Then I'll never leave you." She said, without time to think.

The same moment replayed, on a loop, in his head. It was tying him up.

That moment when he'd released her from his grip and she'd fallen to the floor. Looking at her oxygen deprived body, then that second of realisation, and how it was too late. He'd already done it.

Her lifeless body should've prompted so many actions but all he could do was stare, because all he could think about was the insomniac induced nights he'd sat watching her sleep.

It had been a difficult few days for Pete and Bea, Pete had made it clear to Bea just what was happening with his band and it scared her.

She moaned softly and shuffled on the covers on his bed. They'd fallen asleep quickly after making love the night and hadn't even got under the covers. Pete sat in his chair by the window and watched her.

Her tummy still had the black ink marking the words: I Keep My Jealousy Close

He'd written them on her skin that evening.....

"Peter?" she'd asked, he looked up from concentrating hard on each letter on her skin.

"You astound me with your words." She said gently. He smiled softly and continued writing.

She twiddled a tuft of his hair in her fingers gently as she watched him write the words.

"I keep my jealousy close..." She murmured.

He put the lid back on the pen and shuffled up on the bed.

"We're forever right?" he asked, her eyes stared at his. A small frown twitched at his brow as her vacant glaze told him for the first time, that maybe he wasn't going to marry this woman.

From that evening on, a spark that kept their relationship so distinctive was snuffed out.

Their connectivity dwindled and distance crept in the back door of their relationship too.

Pete knew he was breaking her heart. Without doing wrong, his determination to make his band work and how he marketed himself as the young, carefree live forever boy with the thorn in his side was at the expense of his contentment with Beatrice.

He began to hate himself. He developed an extreme hostility towards himself for his actions, decisions and in turn, the outcomes. He became happy, hating himself. In time, he wanted Bea to feel that hatred for him.

He accepted the young woman's offer of unattached sex and he took her home after their basement show gig and he used her to instigate the hate he wanted Bea to have for him.

The horror in Bea's eyes when she found him in their bed with another woman would bury itself deep within the long term version of his memory. He abused Bea's 'Black or White' approach to dealing with situations, knowing the intolerant side of her just would not forgive him.

He felt a deep sense of regret. All he'd done was bring brutality to her life. He thought about where they might have been now if he hadn't run scared, what they might have discovered as they vowed to conquer their world together and what might have happened if he had not betrayed her devotedness to him.

However, unfortunately for him, Bea was the least of his problems, they were the most immediate ones because, he had tried to take her life, but she wasn't the reason why he was in here...

Focusing his attention on the reasons why he was in the clinic proved difficult, but not impossible. It just meant he had to brace himself to deal with everything he'd been running from over the last 6 years.

Bea leaned against his doorway, watching him think. She knew he was thinking, his face was straight, his eyes were unfocused and staring straight ahead, hands twiddling with his hair. Her knuckles rapped the door frame lightly.

"Peter?" She asked gently. Snapping out of it, he stood up quickly and immediately upon seeing who it was, wiped his mouth with both of his hands, nervously.

"Talk to me." She simply said after watching him shift awkwardly for a few moments.

"Bea!" He gasped suddenly and moved towards her, she instinctively backed up and he stopped upon seeing her frightened body language.

"I'm sorry!" he cried gently, she controlled herself skilfully, remembering there was no way he could do that to her under the controlled drugs he was on now.

"I know." She said gently,

"I know you are..." She reiterated, touching his face gently.

"Come here." She whispered. She pulled his head to her shoulder and encircled her arms under his, holding him securely to her.

"I can't forgive myself!" He wept, she calmed him gently.

"Stop thinking about it, it's the only way you can let go." She advised him softly. kissing the side of his head gently.

For a long time, the world stopped around Pete and Bea, for that time, there was only the two of them alive in the world, and time stood still and nothing else was important. It was only them, and what they had with each other, the good the brought out of each other and the bad things they worked on together.

Bea sat against the bed on the floor and he lay between her straddled legs, his head resting on her lap. He craved the solace she seemed created to provide him with. Her affectionate touch was always just the right amount of pressure and gesture to show him she meant it but that she wanted to care for him, love him, and help him.

"You remember how I used to write words on you?" He asked, she smiled and nodded.

"I do...I remember showing up for a med lecture and having to reveal the words 'I keep my jealousy close' written on my stomach when I was asked to be a model for the function of spleen...." She said with a laugh. He smiled and his eyes lit up.

He rolled up and grabbed his writing pen from the dresser.

"Can I?" he asked, her eyes smiled as she watched him ask her.

"Sure..." she replied, lifting her shirt up her tummy. He began writing and hers eyes watched him still.

"Wait...I can't get" he said, shuffling her down and laying her on the floor by the bed, leaning over her and continuing his inscription on to her soft skin.

Obeying the desire to fondle his thick waxy hair, her fingers cursed the tips of hairline cautiously. He didn't move an inch, maybe it was the most natural thing in the world for them to back in this place with each other.

"Nothing comes as easy as you." She whispered, leaning on her elbows. Pete's hand firmly smoothed over the skin, over her belly button, around her tummy, down her waist. She squirmed a little inside.

Pete stopped though as he saw Bea's eyes freeze towards the door, he turned his head too and Sarah stood with Samuel. Bea quickly pulled down her shirt and sat up.

"What?" Sarah frowned, looking at them both.

"Um, I should go." Bea said, Pete gripped her hand.

"Yes, stay Beatrice." Sarah said, tilting her head slightly.

"Sarah." Pete said in warning tone.

Bea looked at Samuel, his eyes were sorrowful as he looked at his Father, Pete stared at the child he'd raised, loving as his own. Her hand wriggled out of Pete's and she moved to the door.

"What is it with you and married men?" Sarah said quietly as she met face to face. Bea gulped her shock and her eyes opened slightly wider.

One last look back to Pete told her he was begging her not to go but she had to.

Her cell buzzed, stirring from her weakened sleep. She squinted hard as the bright light from her cell burnt her sleepy eyes.

How did I end up with nothing?

It was from Pete. Bea clamped on her lip hard with her teeth, courage was what she needed to write this.

You have more than you think.

She sighed as she sent it.

I meant what I said, nothing comes as easy as you. Peter ox

She rolled over and let the tears come, tears he'd mustered up inside her every time his honest eyes told her how he felt. Bea promised herself then, that she would tell him. She would share that honesty with him that he had with her. Reveal his possession. His Daughter. His future love. Maybe at the expense of what she could have with him.
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