How could she do that? She promised me she never would. That day, the day we barely even knew each other, she spilled her entire life story to me. it was so hard for her she had to write on a piece of paper and she couldn't even look me in the eye! She cried hard that day. On my shoulder. I was the one who made her promise to never do those drugs again, and she broke that promise along with something else...
But then I realized, I was also breaking that promise. I was doing exactly what she was. Finding comfort in drugs and alcohol. We're both so fucked up its kind of funny in a way. I feel like I'm drifting from her. Laura and that pig Jeremy. They're getting in the way of our friendship. But I hate her right now...
"Gerard!" I turned around to see her running after me.
"You broke the promise. You broke it!"
"I know." She looked at her feet.
"Is that all you have to say?"
"Is there anything else to say?!" She looked up with anger and hurt in her tear filled eyes.
"Why did you do this? Why are you trying to fucking tear me apart?" I walked away knowing very well she was confused and didn't know what I was implying. Maybe she deserved to be confused for once. I was born confused.
I walked back to my bus. My head was spinning and I could barley see through all the tears. I'm such a pussy....
I slipped onto the bus carefully and quiet, making my way to the back. I brought out a piece of paper from under my pillow, the one Laura happened to be laying on. Safely getting it out, I sat on the floor and read it over.
Don't make fun of me. My life is pretty fucking crazy. Sorry if I cry, it's hard. Hence the reason I'm forced to write it rather than say it.
Well, my parents divorced when i was eight. Then my mother re-married. my step dad was great up until I was 13. He got drunk all the time and would hit my mom. That grew to him hitting me. A lot. The teachers saw and put me in counseling but he always got off scott free. They thought I was hurting myself to frame him and get taken away. What bullshit. So I turned to alcohol myself at 14. No one cared it was normal, they did it too.
By the time I was 15 I was closer with my mom than ever before. My dad stopped drinking as much and got better. I don't think I ever really liked him but I felt guilty when he passed away. One night he was in a car accident. Pretty much my fault because I yelled at him to get out of the house when he was drunk and he drove...
After that I went into an insane depression, never fully recovered. I always blamed myself for his death and for my mom's unhappiness. They put me on the pills and sent me to therapy. Only the pills helped. So I started taking more, getting high off them.
On to my 16th year. I had a friend named Owen. He was great... most of the time. I was at a party and someone slipped something into my drink. I was half passed out and Owen was completely sober. He raped me. nobody even cared that he raped me. I was the freak so it was okay. Whenever something bad happened to me and my friends it was fine! because we were the weird ones. The outcasts.
I would sit in class and draw and listen to music and I was always working on stuff with the band. That wasn't accepted. I didn't wear designer brands so I was automatically weird. Sorry for liking Hot Topic....
Soon after I found out my real dad was diagnosed with cancer. He has three years to live.
After the raping I went to cocaine. I couldn't stop and people were afraid I was going to die. I didn't care because that's what I really wanted. The band was falling apart, my relationship with my mom and friends was falling apart, I was falling apart. One overdose and a trip to the emergency room later I found it wasn't worth it. and I promise myself to never do it again. Not unless I really hit rock bottom, for the second time.
Believe it or not you're one of the first people I've told. I don't know why but I feel like I can trust you with anything, my life even. I feel like I've known you for years.
I folded the paper up and slipped it into my bag. I decided to sleep on the floor that night. It felt better than sleeping with Laura, as horrible as it sounds.