when good things go terribly wrong
I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
As Kayli drove home, she was distracted by the ring fracturing light off of her finger, she smiled at the thought of it but the more she drove and the more she thought, the more she realized that she couldn't do this. She couldn't live like this, she couldn't marry in so much secrecy, she just couldn't.
Kayli had never been good with relationships. She always seemed to find the biggest losers. She had gotten herself into one too many abusive relationships and then just stopped dating all together. All through out college she never did the things the other girls were doing. She kept to herself and did her work, rarely partying and never dating. She concentrated on herself and while it ultimately left her lonely, she rather that then feel the pain relationships brought.
It wasn't until after graduation that she tried dating again. She dated a guy from a distance, thinking it was safer to be away from him more than she was with him. She joined her first tour and let this man up to his own defenses, trusting him with all she had, but he only ended up hurting her, cheating when she couldn't see. That left Kayli only with desperation, which was when she met Pete. The night he heard her yelling at this guy was the night she decided she couldn't take much more. What had led her to sleeping with Pete was a strange mixture of the desperation and her own need for someone else's touch. She wanted someone to tell her she was special and important. The strange thing was that Pete seemed to tell her volumes just the way he looked at her. After they had slept together, he wouldn't stop staring at her, sneaking glances her way when she was reaching as her shirt rode up, watching her every move and when he stopped looking, she began feeling tense. The desire she had for anyone to tell her she was beautiful was fulfilled with those looks and the craving only mounted when he stopped.
Noticing she was sobbing now, she pulled over and parked her car. She didn't want it to be like this. She had finally found the love she always knew she deserved having and she could tell no one. Her friends were sure by now that she was going to be alone for the rest of her life and she wanted nothing more than to run home and shove her ring in their faces and yell "Ha! I'm engaged!" but she couldn't. She couldn't even tell her parents that she finally on her way to giving them grandkids. Then the thought occurred to her: there was no way Pete was happy either...
Kayli got home and showered, her mind never leaving Pete. She wished they were showering together right now, so when they were down they could lay naked in his bed and make love again. She wished he didn't have so many friends so they could be alone for a while. She wished he wasn't who he was so they could just be.
The next day, Kayli pulled up to her parent's house, smiling as her mom charged at her in the driveway.
"Kayli! I've missed you honey! How's the road? Meet any boys?" Kayli laughed slightly, wanting nothing more than to scream "I'm engaged!" but just shook her head.
"The road is fine and no, I don't really like to mix business with pleasure," she said, grabbing her bag out of the backseat. Her mom sighed.
"Well, come in! Dinner is all ready..."
"Kayli, remember that boy Roger you went to prom with?" Her mom brought up ever so casually while they were washing dishes. Kayli grabbed the plate and dried it, sighing.
"Yes, what about him?" Kayli knew exactly what about him, and honestly she didn't want to hear her mother's desperation for her to date someone, but let it slide to keep her own secret.
"He just moved back to town...you should see him. So handsome and he just graduated from Yale Law at the top of his class. He's being offered jobs left and right. He's a real catch, K," her mother finished. Kayli shuddered slightly. She thought about Pete, the tattoos that covered almost every inch of his arms, his jeans, his hoodies, and his Converses. Then she thought about what Roger must look like. Tan skin, khakis, oxfords and Reeboks. She shuddered again.
"Mom, I'm not sure he's..." she began. Her mother put her hand up.
"He's really looking forward to seeing you again. I told him you've only gotten more beautiful since high school, baby." Kayli sat the damp rag down and stared at her mother. Was she serious?
"Mom, I can't go on a date with this guy. Why did you do this?"
"Why not? Is there a boyfriend you're not telling me about?" Kayli felt her face flush; she hated lying to her mom. She thought about the diamond ring sitting in her glove box in her car and shook her head.
"No. I just...I'm not interested, okay? I really appreciate your help mom, I'm just not interested." Her mother drained the water from the sink and looked at her curiously.
"At least meet him again. You don't have to go on a date. I'm just sad that you are twenty four and still haven't been in one serious relationship. It's such a waste, you're so beautiful, honey." Kayli nodded and felt her stomach flip as her mom disappeared into the living room...
Kayli glanced at the clock still sitting in her bedroom from high school, and rubbed her eyes. Her brain wouldn't shut off and she couldn't sleep. She wanted to call Pete so bad just to hear his voice, but she didn't know who he was with and couldn't risk it. She grabbed her laptop off of the floor, deciding to check her mail and Live Journal. She subscribed to some Fall Out Boy communities merely because some of the stuff made her laugh and she would always tell them about what she found. Today, however, was different. She wasn't laughing.
There, on her screen, was her fiancÃ©, holding hands with a blond that certainly wasn't Kayli, but rather...Ashlee.
"What the fuck...?" Kayli began; she clicked on the link to see a small story about Pete and Ashlee going grocery shopping together and being seen at some of the hottest nightclubs in LA. "No, no, no!" Kayli hissed to herself quietly. Without regards to the consequences, she picked up her cell phone and pressed her first speed dial.
"Now isn't a good time," Pete said. Kayli huffed.
"Now is a great time. Care to explain these pictures I'm seeing?" she said. Pete sighed.
"Baby, I swear, it isn't what it looks like. I'll explain it to you later. Now isn't good. I love you," and was followed by a dead line.
"It isn't what it looks like? What the fuck?" She said, tossing her cell phone to the comforter. Annoyed and offended, Kayli shut her computer down, not wanting to see those images any longer. She felt like crying, but couldn't, she was praying it really, honestly wasn't what it looked like. But what was Pete doing and who was he with at three am that it wasn't a good time....?
Two days later Kayli was back at her place and avoiding Pete's phone calls, desperate texts and voicemails. She wanted him to look her in the eyes and tell her that she was seeing things, that he wasn't lying. For the first time since they began their relationship, she really felt like she couldn't trust him. She was always overhearing people on the crew talking about girls he was with, but she blew them off, he was allowed to have friends. Holding hands with some grade C pop star, however, was different; this was looking her right in the face.
After about five texts that said it was safe to come over and that he wanted to talk, Kayli slammed her car door shut and walked into his house, Hemmingway slid to a stop at her feet, wagging his tail over excitedly and slobbering on her arm. She pet him for a minute before making her way down the steps and taking a left into his office, closely followed by the dog. Pete's music was so loud it was no wonder he didn't hear her come in.
"Peter!" she yelled. He jumped and reached forward turning his music down.
"Shit, you scared me. Don't do that," he said, standing. Kayli crossed her arms defensively, she wasn't happy with him at the moment. "You've been avoiding me."
"I wanted to hear this story in person. I can't wait," she said, her sarcasm thick.
"It wasn't my choice. You know that you are my only. You're my fiancÃ© and I'm just as mad as you are about it," he said. Kayli cocked her head.
"Explain." Hemmingway plopped down and watched Pete as he stepped closer to her.
"My publicist thought it would be a good idea for me to be seen around town, and the only way to get the most attention possible, is to have someone more famous than me at my side." Kayli shook her head.
"You expect me to believe that Ashlee Simpson is a fucking career move?! Pete, where am I in all of this? What happens when someone finds out about us and then we both look stupid? I knew this was going to happen, shit." Pete just stared at Kayli, he saw the hurt in her eyes and it only made everything worse.
"I feel so bad about this, you have no idea. I don't want to hurt you but I don't have much choice!"
"Don't have a choice? Pete, you can tell them no!" Hemmingway was startled out of his nap by Kayli's yelling, causing him to sit up straight, looking at her in wonder.
"No, I can't, K! Why do you think I have a publicist? I can't just say no!"
"Do you like her?"
"It's just business"
"Answer the question!" Kayli then thought back to all the allegations of Pete and Ashlee as a couple as far back as last September, it was now August. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid.
"She's a friends and really nice girl, but she isn't you. No one can take your place in my life!"
"Does she know about me?"
"No! Of course not." Kayli sighed and closed her eyes.
"You should tell her." Pete's eyes widened at her statement.
"Tell her. Tell her you're engaged! Tell her about me!" Kayli yelled, the despair in her voice coming out clear and strong.
"I can't do that."
"Then forget it. You can take your ring and all your promises back! Shit, Pete! You fucking promised you wouldn't hurt me like all the others."
"I'm not! I can't do anything about it, baby. Please stop over reacting." Kayli felt like Pete just punched her in the stomach, she stared at him like a deer in headlights.
"Overreact? You want to marry me, but you are dating someone else! How could I possibly be overreacting right now?!"
"Giving back my ring, call off our wedding? That's overreacting!" Kayli glared at him, she couldn't believe he thought this was all acceptable. She walked up to him, pulling the diamond ring from her finger as the dog scampered away from under her feet to the door that led to the backyard.
"It's off, Pete. I'm not dealing with this. You promised me." Pete crossed his arms and looked at Kayli.
"I'm not giving up on us. You just need to understand that this is all just business. It has no reflection on us."
"You are making me look like a fool; it definitely has a reflection on us. I want you to be happy, and having me obviously isn't doing that because you feel it's okay to be seeing someone else."
"Kayli, no. Right now, you are basically the only person I feel like I can depend on, don't leave me. The only thing I'm not happy about with us is our secrecy, but we know doing this is for the best. You'll see in the end, when we finally do get married and settle down, that all of this was worth it. I love you and only you, please don't take that away from me."
Kayli hated Pete's eyes. She hated them because they never lied. When he was mad, you could tell by his eyes. When he was sorry, his reinforced that feeling and when his heart was breaking his eyes made it 100% clear. Kayli closed her eyes; she didn't want to give in this soon. She just didn't trust him. Even though she could tell this was killing him, something in her gut was letting her know she wasn't being allowed to see all sides of this situation. Hemmingway barked suddenly, scratching the door to the yard. Pete peered over Kayli's shoulder at the dog before looking in her eyes. Kayli sighed and put the ring in her pocket.
"I'll see you in Germany," she said, turning her back on him and leaving out the back door, shutting the door in Hemmingway's face...
Give me another chance
To write you another song
AN: Let's play that game again where you guys leave me constructive reviews! I really enjoyed hearing your honest opinions!