Categories > Cartoons > G.I. Joe > A Joe Called Mercury

Chapter One: Look at that Girl Go!

by Zpan_Sven 2 Reviews

STORY SUMMARY: At the United States Armed Forces Olympics, Hawk catches sight of a potential Joe days before the reemergence of Cobra. After Cobra resurfaces, he recruits the young Private. Just ho...

Category: G.I. Joe - Rating: R - Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Romance - Characters: Beach Head, Duke, Flint, Hawk, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, Other - Warnings: [!!!] [V] [X] - Published: 2005/09/15 - Updated: 2005/09/16 - 1589 words

Reviews

  • A Joe Called Mercury

    (#) Wolfman769 2005-09-16 06:26:35 AM

    Hey!

    Great to see you out here!

    I do have a few suggestions that may prove useful:

    1) The spacing between the paragraphs is inconsistent. It looked like you might have accidentally posted a draft with a number of sections missing.

    2) Be sure to check your spelling and capitalization. The track & field event is called "hurdles" not "hurtles" for example.

    It looks like a great start to a story about your custom character Mercury!

    -Wolf
  • A Joe Called Mercury

    (#) amanda_b 2006-10-17 06:26:49 PM

    It's good.

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