Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm just asking to leave.

Chapter Nineteen

by rainbowsprinkles08 1 review

What what?!

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama, Humor, Romance - Published: 2007-06-21 - Updated: 2007-06-22 - 1446 words - Complete

Chapter 19.

Ryan's POV (Same events different POV)

We're on tour. Again. Jesus I get so tired of touring, but I love it all the same. We've got a break in Boston for a couple days. I love Boston. Its such an amazing city with a great history.

I decided to go shopping by myself. I know risky, but I just needed to get away and I was kind of disguised and unrecognizable if you didn't know my face really well. I was seriously feeling lonely and I just wanted to revel in it, maybe I would get some inspiration for some lyrics. I missed Nicky so much. She just disappeared. I lost her number in an unfortunate incident involving my beloved Mercedes and when I went to visit her in Philly a while ago, she wasn't there. Who knew where she was. I should probably ask Brendon to ask Emily, but I didn't want to get him involved in this. I just missed her so much. I worry about her too.

I walked aimlessly through the mall, walking in and out of stores, going in if I saw anything interesting.

I soon came across a Hot Topic. Not my favorite store, but they had some good stuff and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing myself on the wall. It still surprised me to see myself everywhere. I walked in and started browsing the tee shirts, looking for any that I liked. There were already some people in the store so I tired to hide my face as best I could, until I saw a semi- familiar face out of the corner of my eye.

It can't be.

I slowly walked over. Trying to get a better look. The girl's hair was different and her body shape was slightly more fragile, but I swear its her.


The girl went rigid.

"Nicky, is that you?"

The girl slowly turned on the heels of her feet and faced me, but not really. She never brought up her eyes to meet mine. In fact she didn't even look at my face, not once, but I still knew it was her.

"Hi Ryan." Her voice was a little shaky and quite quiet.

I can't believe she's standing in front of me. Its been too long. God I've missed her.

"Jesus! I thought it was you!" I rushed towards her and took her up in my arms. "I've missed you." I whispered in her ear. I can't say that enough because god have I missed her.

I pulled away reluctantly. I looked her over again. "You look so different." She was so different, but she was still gorgeous.

I still love her. Just tell her Ross. Repeat after me. I. Still. Love. You. Not that hard.

"Yeah. A lot has changed." She said, she still hadn't looked at me. I wondered why. I wanted to see her full face and when I was about to reach out and bring her eyes up to meet mine, we were interrupted.

"What do you think of this shirt?" A kid came up to Nicky and asked. Who the hell is this kid? He looked about Nicky's age which is about 19ish, maybe a little older. He was really skinny, almost as thin as me, and just taller than her with long brown hair just above his shoulders.

She looked at him and smiled. "I like it." What, she can look at him but not me??

"Then I think I will get it." The guy replied smiling. And wait...what did he just do? Did he just kiss her?? Who is this guy?? And finally he saw me. "Oh. Who's this?"

I stuck out my hand trying to be as nice as possible and trying not to show that I wanted to rip his head off. "Ryan, Ryan Ross. And you are?" I asked Nicky, more than this guy.

"Um. Ryan, this is my boyfriend, Sean." Nicky replied. My head shot from looking Sean over to glaring at Nicky. Did she just say boyfriend?

"I'm going to go pay for my stuff, I'll be back in a minute. Nice to meet you" He walked away.

I glared at her as we stood there awkwardly, her still looking down. Why wont she look at me?!

"How long have you been together?" I just had to know. It hurt that she didn't wait for me like she and I had promised. I was angry, and confused and all these different emotions that kept running through me. I felt like a fucking girl. This must be was PMSing is like.

"About 9 months." She answered quietly.

"Hmpf." I scoffed crossing my arms. They don't seem to like each other very much for being together for nine months.

"What?! You have something to say?" She snapped back. Her heading finally shooting up and she looked me in the face. Her face went blank when she looked at me. Her eyes went wide and her mouth slightly agape. Maybe that's what she was worried about.

"Yeah, I do. You guys don't seem very in love." I replied quickly.

She seemed to gain her composure again and her face turned angry and she laughed a humorless laugh. One I had heard before...from her mother. "And you know what love is?" She asked.

Ouch. "Yes, I believe I do." I said matter-a- factly. "I still feel it Nicky." There I finally said it.

"We saw each other for less than a week. We kept in touch for a couple months. Then you stopped. I called you, but you didn't pick up. How can you say that you still love me?" She said the anger and hurt rising in her face and eyes.

"I was busy! I'm almost 22 fucking years old, Nicky. I'm in a major band and I was on tour, then put out another fucking cd! You can't expect me to be calling you every fucking day!" I yelled back at her. I was busy and I tried to call her. But her number was lost and- and.

"No." She said as she shook her head closing her eyes. . "No I didn't expect you to call me everyday. Not even every week. I understood that. But when you didn't call at all, no visits, nothing. That broke my heart. That was it. Don't blame your fame for this Ryan." She said quietly and calmly. I could hear that she was on the verge of tears.

"I tried to visit you. I went back to Philly, to your house to Lane and Meg's house, but you weren't there and nobody would tell me where you were." I yelled. Doesn't she get it? I tried as best as I could to stay with her. But the world was working against us. I still love her. Why cant she see that???!

"No. You could've called. I don't believe you." Still shaking her head.

"I tried, Nicky. My sidekick got busted. Pete ran it over with my car. Your number was lost." I said as I calmed down and my voice went quieter.

"No. No. Stop lying." I could see tears forming in her eyes as she shook her head.

"I'm not lying." I said as I moved closer to try and comfort her. In response she shyed away from me, moving back towards the wall.

"Brendon. You could've gotten my number from Brendon. He could've gotten it from Emily."

I just stood there. I had nothing else to say. Could I not prove to her that I still love her? Is there no way that she would believe me?

Her boyfriend came rushing back to her side wondering what happened. "What the fuck?" He said turning to me with an angry look on his face. I can't blame him I would want to kill any guy that made my girlfriend cry.

"I-" I started to explain but they cut me off and started to walk away. Him holding her and trying to calm the tears that were flowing freely.

"Wait!" I yelled walking after them a few steps. But they just kept walking, not even looking back. What have I done? And this time I was the one left standing alone as I watched the girl I loved walk away from me.

I wont be updating for 3 weeks. Sorry :(. I know. I'll be sure to have an extra good, long chapter when I update next. Love you guys! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh and PS! Thanks so much to TrueLIEx3. I love your reviews and I really appreciate them!! I love you! (And of course meg and lane too because you review everytime and i love you anyways.
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