Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm just asking to leave.2 Reviews
Why do I have so many chaps? I'm not even close to finishing this thing.
Sean said nothing. I jsut sat there, with my head hanging, the tears still streaming.
We rode home in the car in silence. Sean holding my hand still trying to comfort me, even though he had no idea what was going on.
When we got to the suite, we went directly to my room, ignoring the quesitons shot at us from the roomies.
We sat on my bed and I collapsed into Sean's awaitng arms. "Can you please tell me whats going on? I htought you would've been happy to see him. I know you used to be in love with that guy." He said sort of laughing.
Did I mention I never told Sean about Ryan? Well I didn't. Sean and I happend only a couple months after the Ryan thing and I didnt want him to think that he was a rebound. So I never told him that I fell in love with a guitarist from a famous band. So what? He thought I already loved him anyways and its not like it meant anything to Ryan anyways.
I just sat there, leaning against his chest. "What were you guys arguing about anyway? I could here the yelling ,but not so much the words."
I sighed. I guess its time to come clean. "Ok. Well I might not have told you this." I said sitting up and facing him and wiping my eyes. "Well, whe you were off at college last year, I kind of had a relationship."
He nodded, confused. "I know you had one or two, but nothing serious. We talked about this right?"
I shook my head. "I kind of left out a part of that." I said meakly. God I feel terrible.
"Ok. So think back to the relationships I had. They were all towards the beginning of the year right?"
'Well, the reason I didnt have any later in the year was because I had a boyfriend who broke my heart."
"Who? Which one?"
"Ryan? you mean that silly scraggly kid who-"
"You've only dated one Ryan."
I shook my head. "I've dated two. I left one out."
"Ryan?" Then it dawned on him and his eyes widened and he leaned back. "Ryan Ross. You dated Ryan Ross? The guitarist for Panic! At the Disco? You dated him? Hes like 3 years older than you!" He said slightly raising his voice.
I just sat there. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it dating. We only went on like 2 or 3 "dates"" I said using my fingers for the quotation marks. "It doesnt really matter anyways because it obviously meant him. He stopped calling and I never saw him again until today."
"You never told me about this?!"
"It hurts too much. I loved him and he said he loved me but-"
"Did you have sex with him?" He interupted me.
"/What/ did you just say?"
"I asked if you had sex with him." He said matter a factly.
"Why would you think that?" I coldly stared.
"Well you said you loved the guy and he obviously meant a hell of a lot to you, but it only lasted for a couple days so what he did must have been really bad."
"I can't believe you're asking me this." I shook my head
"So you did! I can't believe you." Sean yelled shaking his head.
I sat there shaking my head, looking at my hands. "If you really believe that then I think you should leave."
He stared at me and got up and left.
My hands moved from my lap to my face and I sobbed, eventually curling into a ball on my bed. Can it get any worse?
I stared at them as they walked away from me. Now I was the one left on the side walk as the one I loved went away from me. A familiar memory came into my mind. The one that I watched from the bus window as Nicky got smaller and smaller on the sidewalk as we drove away from her. I watched as she cried and strained to see her as the bus picked up speed. Eventually I had turned away from the window, a tear flowing down my cheek.
I felt like crying now, but I was in public. So I walked back to the rental car and drove to the hotel.
When I entered the suite I was greated by the sound of laughing and chatting. I looked in to see Brendon, Spencer and Emily sitting on the couch together talking and lauhing as Brendon made an extravegent hand gesture and a face.
"Hey!" Emily said jumping up from the couch and running over to hug me. "I havent seen you in FOREVER!"
"I know." I mumbled nodding my head and smiling slightly. Dont get me wrong I was happy to see Emily, but I just had other things on my mind.
"Whats wrong, man?" Spence asked me.
I turned to Emily. "She hates me, doesn't she." I asked looking her straight in the eyes.
"Dont play that game. You know hwo I'm talking about."
"She does." I confermed.
"No! I mean well she doesnt-" Emily started to ramble.
"She hates me." I said still watching her.
Emily shrugged and nodded meekily.
"Shit." I muttered and dropped my head.
SO i know I said I wasnt going to update, but I'm at my dad's hhouse right now and in between grad parties and roofing his new hhouse, I am writing this because I'm bored. I knwo its not the best chapter...I dont like it much...but I'm trying to get the plot to where I need it to be. I promise the next chap. will be mmuch better. Oh and PS. This sean is actually based off of a real life person and this, in htis chapter, is totally different form his normal personality. the real kid is awesome. yea. ok.