What's the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay
"Thank you for all four times", Gerard lit up his cigarette.
"Do you think we broke some kind of world record in fucking?", I pondered, sipping my milk.
"Nah, but we're good", he took a drag, "Why you always say we're fucking? Never making love or soft shit like that?".
"Because I don't really connect sex to love", I shrugged.
"Whoa whoa, wait just a minute. You think you'd be able to enjoy sex with someone you don't love?", he stared at me.
"I guess so as long as he's hot enough", I took the cigarette from Gerard and took a few drags too.
"I don't believe you!", he threw his hands in the air.
I rolled my eyes, "Oh please, you're saying you wouldn't enjoy fucking some hot girl? Sex is just sex I don't get why people throw in love too"
"I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy but it would be just physical. When you love the person you're fucking it's completly different", he took the cigarette from me.
"I don't know", I shrugged.
"It is, you'd try to make them enjoy and when you don't love them it's like you don't care about them, you know?", he waved his hands around, "Just something you need".
"You know awfully a lot about fucking someone you don't like", I smirked.
I heard my phone go off in the living room for the 5758th time the past hour, "I'll go get it", I fished Gerard's hoodie from the floor and put in on.
I stumbled to the living room and picked up my side kick, it was Mikey.
"What's up?", I collapsed on the sofa.
"I've been calling for hours!", he exclaimed.
I could hear that something is wrong in his voice, "What's wrong Mikey?".
"Gerard is not answering", he took a deep breathe in.
"Mikey what happened?", I could feek his panick grab me by the throat, something was obviously wrong.
"My grandma..", his voice shook.
"What?", I urged him to talk.
There was silence during which I let the sadness go through my body.
Gerard would be crashed. He loved his grandma, he always spoke of her with such love, you could see it in his eyes.
He told me she helped him go through the hardest times during high school, she made him his peter pan costume, she bought them their first van, she taught him to sing, dance and draw.
"Skyler?", I could hear mikey's faint whisper, "Please get my brother"
I nodded and ran back to Gerard's room.
He was still in bed, finishing his cigarette, "What happened, honey? You look like you've seen a ghost".
I held out my mobile, mouthing, "Mikey".
I couldn't get sound to come out of my throat.
"But what's wrong?", he frowned.
I didn't say anything and just pushed the phone to him.
He took it, "What's up?".
I sat on the bed, watching him.
"What?!", he exclaimed.
"This isn't possible", he mumbled more to himself than to Mikey.
"Mikey are you sure?", he put his hand through his hair.
"But..", Mikey must have said something because Gerard covered his eyes and nodded, "I'll be there".
He lowered the mobile from his ear and just stared into space. His face was blank.
"Gee, I'm so sorry", I whispered.
He snapped out of his trance like mode and looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, "My grandma...We have to pick up Mikey and go there".
I nodded and reached out for my jeans as he got up slowly, his face expression didn't change and I wondered if I could've handled this differently, instead of just giving him the phone, perhaps to prepare him somehow for the blow.
But how could I do that? How do you do that? Prepare someone for this kind of news. I frowned to myself.
Gerard grabbed the keys and we turned to leave.
"Gee, let me drive", I called out as he reached to open the door on the drivers side.
He blinked a few times and tossed the keys to me and circled the van to the passengers side.
I buckled up and pulled from the curb, "Where is Mikey?".
"Mikey?", he stared at me for couple of minutes, "your place".
I nodded and turned left in the next turn.
"Oh baby", Gerard suddenly cried out, "You hate to drive".
I kinda frowned, that's the last thing I expected him to say.
Angry fit? Tears? Histerical laughter? Bring it on!
For that I was prepared but that random comment caught me off guard.
I stopped in front of our block, Mikey was sitting on the curb looking grim.
He hopped in the car without saying anything.
For the rest of the drive none of us said anything, I saw Gerard from the corner of my eye staring out of the window, fiddling with his dog tag with a trembling hand and I could see Mikey in the mirror, he lent his head on the window but had his eyes closed, his face expression wasn't as blank as Gerard's, he was frowning and his lips were pressed together like he was trying to stop the tears or the pain from breaking loose.
We pulled in front of the Way house, we sat a few minutes in silence which was broken by Mikey, he took a deep breathe and stepped outside, Gerard followed his example only stopping to give me a look, I could see the pain burning in his eyes, I guess it downed on him that his grandma was gone.
They waited until I unbuckled my seat belt and stepped out of the van.
Gerard reached out for my hand and when I gave it to him he squeezed it so hard I winced.
We made our way into the house, the minute we stepped in, Donna Way came running down the stairs for her boys.
He face was red and her eyes were puffy, she hugged her sons with all her might, the minute she reached them, tears began streaming down her face, she sobbed hard into Mikey's shoulder, holding into Gerard.
Mikey buried his face in her hair and his body shook a little, he was crying as well.
Gerard winced a little and let go of my hand to hold his mom and Mikey.
Just then I noticed Mr. Way emerge from the kitchen with the wireless phone in his hands.
He went to hug the 3 of them too, I felt uncomfortable, it was a family moment and I was intruding.
I should've waited in the car or something.
I was standing there for a few moment, feeling like a complete idiot. What do I do? Where do I go?.
All of the sudden I was pulled into the tight Way embrace, I found myself locked between Mikey and Mrs. Way, she was the one who pulled me in.
This was even more awkward, I didn't know who to hug or where to look, they were all crying, even Gerard, although he buried his face in his dad's chest and I didn't see his face but I guessed by the way his body shivered.
Mikey sobbed in my ear, I patted his back.
He looked at me for a second then cried even harder.
"I'll make you tea", I whispered and wriggled away from them.
Once in the kitchen I allowed myself to sigh, I put the kettle to boil and sat at the table, buring my face in my hands, I was angry at myself, I didn't handle the situation well at all, I could do better, instead I just walked away.
Fucking idiot, moral support, best friend? Nah, just a fucking idiot.
I made 4 cups of tea and carried them back to the living room.
The Way family sat there, Mikey's head was in his moms lap, Mr. Way was on the phone with someone and Gerard held his face in his hands like I did a few minutes ago.
I put the tray on the coffee table and sat next to Gerard, rubbing his back.
Mrs. Way smiled weakly at me, I smiled back.