Kris walked out ahead of me, I guess she was still a little upset. What ever happened to no hard feelings? I just wasn't sure I would be able to tell her I love her and make a real commitment, what with knowing what I had hoped to do tomorrow. But I wasn't sure I had the willpower, let alone the bravery, to actually follow through with it. Shaking that thought out of my head for the moment, I walked over to the chair that I would have to sit in for the most emotional hours of my life.
Frankie was sitting beside me, and not being as emotionally attached to Ana as me, offering to be a support should I fall weak to my knees, the shoulder should I need to bury my face and release the tears that have been ever so present in my life this past week. I leaned against him slightly and he squeezed my hand comfortingly before getting up and leading me over to where the open casket was laying for public view.
"Don't, Frankie-just, I don't want to see it! I don't want to see her-let go of my wrist!" I screamed before falling victim to another bout of sobs. The only problem with the fit I had just pulled was that I did have an undeniable longing to see her body, to finally get closure. Frankie backed up and smoothed out his shirt before starting to walk away.
"N-no! I didn't mean it!" I yelled again, even more distraught by the thought of my best friend leaving my side at a climactic moment of my life. He turned around and with understanding eyes agreed to come back over. I slowly inched over to the casket and peered inside at my love, my lifeless yet beautiful love. "Ana, I want you to know I love you," I said to her, as if she could understand. I reached down and felt her icy body, now stiff with rigor mortis.
My hand reached down to my pocket and retrieved the ring, I had taken it back from Kristen. I had resorted to begging her to give it back, although it didn't take much as she didn't feel right with it anyway. I took the ring and rubbed it with my fingers longingly before slipping it gently on her unfeeling ring finger.
Tears slid from my eyes as I whispered four words that I had wished I asked her sooner, "Will you marry me?" I stood there patiently, gazing at her perfect body and stroking the soft blonde hair that made her face seem to glow. Well, not anymore.
I knew she wouldn't answer, how could she when there was no air in her lungs to breathe? I backed up after realizing that the tears falling from my eyes were landing on her and smearing the makeup that so precisely covered the bruises and wounds from the crash. Frank grabbed my arm and took me back to my seat, making me sit down before allowing me to hide behind him and try to disguise my blotchy, tear stained face.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know." I heard someone say behind me. I turned to look at them, and was shocked with who I saw.
"Huh? What are you doing here, Cynara?" I asked, temporarily confused.
"What do you mean, 'What am I doing here'? I was Ana's best friend. I wanted a little closure, you know? And I was saying, crying is nothing to be ashamed of," she said, wiping teardrops from my wet cheeks with her thumb. I immediately got up and squeezed her in a tight hug, wetting her blouse with my tears like I had done to Frank previously.
"It's okay, everything is going to be okay. It's going to be hard for the both of us, but we can do it, right?" she said, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me. What she didn't know was that I couldn't do it with her. I have my own way of grieving and it involved nobody else. Just me.
I finally release her and sink back into my seat, where I sat for the rest of the funeral, not paying attention but more than likely lost in my own torrent of thoughts. After the casket was lowered into the dry ground, Frank asked me if I wanted to toss some dirt on the coffin. I shook my head, I couldn't do that. I knew I didn't have enough self control.
After we had all given our final goodbyes we made our way into the car where I fidgeted with the cast on my leg until we got back to Mikey's apartment, seeing as nobody was talking already.
Next chapter is the last one. I will post it tomorrow unless you covince me in a review to post it tonight. Maybe I'll post it at midnight so it's like tomorrow...I don't know. Just review please?