A mutual Attraction
I never understood why I stayed with Gerard Way. Maybe it was the way he smiled when I wanted to fight with him, or the way he traced over my lips with the soft pad of his thumb. Or, it could be those hazel eyes that pierce everything inside of you when their gaze falls upon your unworthy face. Whatever it was, I stayed, untill the end, I swore I'd stay.
Not to mention I had four kids with the guy; although sometimes, I think we'd all be better off without him. Better off without the drugs and dead end roads, never knowing if either of us will come home at night. We were trapped in a whirlwind cycle of physical, mental and emotional abuse.
I'd pray for change, but my prayers were never answered, so I stopped. It's not like God cared about a couple of sinners anyway. But Gerard and I, we were born sinners.
A soft slap ran across my face as I tried to pry my eyes open. They felt like they had been glued shut.
I heard Gerard's soft voice hovering over me, "Come on, please Nat, wake up." He gently slapped my face again, trying to revive the life in me.
I pryed my foggy eyes open and blinked several times, trying to rid them of the goop that seemed to be blocking my vision.
I gazed up at Gerard, his face somewhat relieved I was looking at him; a black cirle encompassing his eyes.
Touching the side of his face gently I sighed, "What happend?"
He shrugged, "Just some jerks coming to collect money I owed. No big deal, I took care of it."
"Gerard!!" I pulled my body up off the cushion and sat up, "We can't afford to owe anyone anything! What the fuck were you thinking?"
"Hey, hey! Calm down wouldja'? I told you I took care of it, just lie back down and I'll get you some water."
I let myself fall back on the pillow behind me and rougly ran my hand over my face. Gerard never told me shit, and it was begining to get on my last nerve. I never understood why he didn't trust me, it's not like I ever betrayed his trust.
"Here, drink this." He handed me a glass of water with two small icecubes floating at the top. I took a sip and placed the glass on the coffee table, turning my attention towards the black and purple bruises surrounding Gerard's eye.
"Well Gerard Way, you look like shit." I said, scrunching up my nose, intending to get a rise out of him; but instead, he just smiled.
"Well, I think you look beautiful."
I scoffed and turned my cheek away from him. Gerard put a hand on my chin and turned my face back towards his.
"I don't mean to leave you out of things, I just think it's better if I keep you out of all the dangerous stuff I can."
I sighed, "I know, I just hate that you don't trust me."
"Natasha, it's not that, I just don't want you getting hurt. These guys are fucked up in the head. They kill babies with smiles on their faces. They have no hearts babe."
I rolled my eyes and clicked my tongue, not knowing what to say. I was tired and I was just wishing he would leave me alone so I could sleep. "Yeah, I know. Hey, what time is it?"
Gerard turned his eyes towards the clock behind me, "3:02am, why?"
I shook my head, "No reason. I had better go to sleep, you too, we have work tomorrow. I think I'll sleep here tonight, I really don't feel like moving."
He looked skeptical, "You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure, go get some sleep."
Gerard shrugged his shoulders and kissed me gently, "Ok, night then."
I watched him walk out of the room and turn the light off, leaving me alone in the dark with my thoughts.
I pulled the blanket on the back of the couch onto my legs and rolled over onto my side, creating a pillow with my hands and sighed.
The darkness in the living room soon turned into swirles of colours, dancing around the faided furniture. The affects of my rather large dose of heroin was clearly still inside my mind and obviously still in my body. I should have known, letting Gerard give it to me when he could barely count to two.
I mentally kicked myself as I allowed the shabby couch to consume me.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid." I whispered, barely autible; probobly not even loud enough to be considered a whisper.
There was no use in over-analyzing any of this, thinking it to death wasn't going to change a thing, no matter how much I kicked my own ass.
I let my eyes close, my tongue lull in my mouth; and I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
I wasn't going to worry about any of this, untill the morning.
I opened my eyes slowly, wincing at the small amount of sunlight that was pouring in through the heavily curtained storm windows. With sleep and chemicals fogging my mind, the entire room looked like a giant blob of brown and yellow.
An odd sound came out of my mouth as I sat up on the couch, planting my sock covered feet on the stiff carpet. I glanced over at the coffee table: displaying styrofoam cups of water and heroin, complete with syrenges sticking out of the tops. About a carton worth of cigarette butts added to the table, a few beer bottles and a bottle of Jack Daniel's also graced this lovely little table.
I scoffed in disgust and pryed myself off the couch.
"Oh shit!!" I said allowed, suddenly realizing I had work in 15 minutes.
I ran to the door and pulled on my shoes and slipped a hoodie over my head. No time to shower or brush my hair or even brush my teeth. I raced out the door and hurried down the rotting steps and to my car; fumbling with my keys to unlock the door.
I jerked the door open and flopped inside the car, jamming the key into the ignition, I turned the metal expecting to hear the engine start up. Instead, the engine fizzled for a bit before spitting out some ungodly noise and every light in the car went dead.
"Oh fucking GREAT!"
Frustrated as hell, I rested my aching head on the leather stearing wheel, hoping someone would just shoot me. A tapping noise on my window brought my curved neck upwards again. I squinted my eyes and tried to make out the face that was hovering outside my fogged up window.
I pressed my palm to the window and cleared the condinsation away enough for me to see a strangly familiar face smiling as big as he could.
I opened the door and stepped out of the car, in pure disbelief of who was standing in front of me.
"What the fuck? Are you stalking me or something?" I asked, hands on my hips.
I couldn't help but hide a small smile that was threatening to surface on my lips. I never could control myself around an attractive man.
"Well, I just happen to live in this very park here, and I saw you rushing out of your house and then proceed to try and drive this battery dead car. And I thought to myself 'well, I'm going to be neighborly and help her out.'" Frank ended his sentance with a big cheesy grin, as if he was trying to make me smile. Good thing I was in no mood for fucking around.
I sighed and ran a hand through my tangled red hair, "Ok, well fine. Frank, could you give me a ride to work? I really can't afford to lose my job."
Frank shrugged, "Yeah, sure why not. I mean, that's what I'm here for. Come on."
I followed Frank a few trailors down, disturbed at how close he lived to me, and climbed into his Toyota truck. He was obviously getting ready to go somewhere, the engine was running and everything inside was all toasty and warm.
Frank got in the drivers seat and shut his door. "Sure is cold out there." He said, releasing the break and pulling out of this small, gravel driveway.
I nodded and looked out the frosty window, watching the trees fly by us as the small truck made it's way across the damn pavement.
Frank cleared his throat, "Soooooo, crazy quoinsendence(sp?) that we live so close wouldn't ya' say?"
"Yeah, I guess." I really wasn't ready to jump into a conversation with this man I didn't even know; no matter how insanly gorgeous his profile looked against the foggy window.
Frank was rather short and a little thin, but very muscular, so the thinness really didn't show very much. Most of his arms and hands were covered in bright tattoos, along with two tattoos on both sides of his neck.
His long, dark brown hair was silky, shiny and very wavy, with tiny curls hiding underneath the top layer. His big green eyes were his most stunning feature if you ask me; they seemed to catch every light they looked at.
He was dressed in a pair of slim fit pants, a pair of black Converse sneakers, a red hoodie and a black jacket over it.
Frank must have had some italian in him, his skin was a dark olive color and very smooth.
I peeled my eyes away from Frank and focused on the road ahead of his. I had no idea what I was going to tell Gerard. He got insanly jealous over any man that even looked at me, much less extremely attractive ones that give me rides to work.
We finally arrived at the gas station and Frank pulled in the oil stained parking lot.
"Um, thanks for the ride Frank, I owe you one." I said opening the door and puting one foot off.
Frank smiled, "You're welcome. How about you make it up to me with some dinner?"
Did he seriously just ask me out? I mean, it's not like he knew I had a boyfriend and four children, he certainly wasn't doing anything wrong.
I pryed my dry mouth open and stepped all the way out of the truck, "No, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend."
"Oh! I'm sorry...well, I guess I catch you later then." He never lost his smile as he waved goodbye to me.
I shut the truck door and shook my head as I walked into the store, still in shock and disbelief that someone other than Gerard...showed some kind of interest in me.
"Just forget it Natasha." I said, sliding the key into the metal door and stepping inside the lonely, cold store.
I sighed and flicked on the lights, staring at the countless rows of bubblegum and sunflower seeds.
What the hell was I going to tell Gerard?
This Chapter is dedicated to Drop Dead, Gorgeous. Having writers block? Listen to them, they're great for that pesky writer's disease.
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