So This Is Your House?
"So Kaiden...You know I'm friends with the guys of Sevenfold...." he began. I just looked at him with bigger eyes. "What happened with you and John? Zack and Matt said you were really shaken up over the whole thing." "Just some stupid shit...Shit that really fucking hit me hard." "Like? Sorry if I'm getting into something you don't want to talk about." "Don't apologize. I just told him that I loved him for the first fucking time in the 4 years that we were dating and he told me to go find someone who felt the same way." "Oh god...I'm so sorry that happened. I knew you guys dated for a while...But wow...I can't believe he did that." I looked down and let a few tears fall. Gerard moved his hand up to my face and wiped them away "It'll be okay. Not every guy is going to treat you like shit. If you end up wanting to be with me Kaiden, I promise not to hurt you." "I would really love to believe that Gerard," I put my hand over his still on my cheek "but its happened so many times...I don't know who to believe anymore." He smiled sympathetically "You can trust me. I would never hurt you." "I may trust you some day Gee, hopefully sometime soon." "What will I need to do to prove that you can trust me?" "Just be a good friend to me. As long as you don't stab me in the back for a while, we're going to be okay." "So I take it John did a lot more to you than just what you're telling me...." "So much more...it just kills me thinking about it all...and it wasn't just him." "What? What do you mean?" "I don't want to talk about it...They would hurt me if you said anything." "It was that bad sweetheart?" "Worse....worse." I looked down and shook my head not wanting to say more. "Well, for you I will never say anything to them of this night. You have my word hunny." "Alright...I trust you with this." "Its still a little bit of hope." he said holding to my hand still "I will wait for you." I looked up into his eyes. They shined in the light of the fire.
We continued to talk through the night. "So from what I saw once when you were on that tour with John's band, you used to be pretty fucked up all the time. "Yea...those were my dark days. That was the worst moment of my life..." "What all happened to you?" "Enough to make me stop talking to my best friend....try and kill myself...just so much." "What do you mean?! What was wrong? Why would you try to kill yourself?!" "I was on drugs so bad...everything was turning into my fault. The band would fight more, everyone was irritable. I couldn't handle the pressure of my job. People kept expecting so much out of me...so much I didn't have. I'm only one man. I can't please everyone all the time. I cracked. It was just the black ages of my life. Me and Bert from The Used...we did drugs and drank together all the fucking time. Then I cleaned up and we ended up blowing the fuck up because I was more on my game and giving a little more at shows. Bert didn't like the fact that we got bigger than his band. They've been around for so much longer than us...But we got huge..." "Oh..wow..That fucking sux dude. I'm sorry all that shit happened...I've been in that same place before. I understand." "You did drugs?" "Yes...I was hopped up on cocaine so fucking bad...." "I was pretty much on that all the time...that and I drank constantly." "Zack used to give me bottles and bottles of shit to drink when me and Johnny would fight. I guess he thought that would solve every problem I had... It did for a while... John made me do lines with him and Syn. He told me that if I didn't.....nevermind...." "No...baby please tell me. I will never say a word." "He threatened to take everyone I loved away from me and that I would be left in the back of the bus to rot. He didn't even want me around...I don't know why he kept me there." "Had he ever put his hands on you abusively?" "Several times...then him and Brian were high....and....shit just got so bad." I broke down. Gerard pulled me onto his lap and let me cry there. His arms held me safely to his chest "Let it out sugar....Its over now...I'm here for you." "Thank you so much Gerard. You're a really good guy." "For you, anytime."
I looked up and him and his eyes met mine. He smiled so warm. Gerard moved stray hairs out of my face still smiling down on me. He didn't make a move on me, just held me there. "Thank you for this.." I choked out. "Anytime. Anything for you." he rubbed up and down my back. "You want something to drink to help you calm down?" "What are you going to give me?" "Anything you want. If you don't feel comfortable with liquor around me, I have sodas and stuff." "What alcohol do you have?" "Well...I think there is some Jack in the freezer and vodka in the cubbords....the guys still drink when they want." I looked at him then to the kitchen "I umm...I'll go with Jack." "Wanna mix it with coke?" "Psh no. pussies drink it that way." He laughed and sat me over on the couch. He got up and I followed him. I sat up at his bar area. The seats were pretty high so I resorted to jumping. "Not so tall without those boots now are you?" "Shut up man!" He laughed and turned to me with my drink in hand. "Thank you." I smiled while taking the small glass. I drank a little and sat the glass down a little bit away from me. I crosed my arms on the bar and laid my head on them looking at Gerard who was sitting infront of me.
"So how much did Sara have to pay you to come out to see me?" he laughed. "Well, she didn't tell me it was you. She just told me that I was going on a blind date....and the last one I went on, I kicked that guy in the nuts. So this one just took a lot of convincing." "I could tell. We called her like 4 times and you were still arguing about it. I was begining to doubt that you were coming..." he looked down. "Well...If she would've told me who it was....I would've said yes sooner." "Why's that?" "Because when me and Sonny were fighting about me coming out tonight...she was like 'He's liked you for a long ass time' and I just looked at her like 'wtf do i have a stalker?' but I knew she wouldn't let me down this time around....or at least I hoped that much." His face turned red when he heard that I knew about his crush, even though he's made it obvious. "So...How long have you had this little thing for me, Gerard?" "Uhh....ummm....haha um.....A really long time...." "How long is 'a really long time'?" "Okay...you remember when MCR first met Sevenfold?" "Yea....that was like 3 years ago...." "Yea...well thats when I first saw you...I know you didn't see me because you and John were beside the bus fighting about something...I saw him scream and you flinched....And you looked scared as hell...I wanted to come over and get you but Zacky told me to stay out of it." "Oh! I remember that fucking day! Shitttt some really bad shit happened that night...But yea, Zack got into a fight me and John was having once...Johnny may be little, but he beat the fuck out of Zack, but he was drunk, so they just forgot all about it." "Well what about Rev and Matt? Why didn't they ever help you?" "Because they never knew...I made Zacky promise that he wouldn't ever tell anyone." "So he knows what all happened to you with Johnny and Syn." "Yea...everything...He's like my big brother. He knows EVERYTHING about me. Even shit Sara doesn't know" "Wow, and Sara is like, your best friend." "Yup. I love that man to death. We call eachother everyday." "Well thats always good. I need to call his ass up soon, I haven't talked to him in like 3 weeks." "Yea...I miss him so much...He used to make everything so much better." "Well...I told you that I'm here for you...so if you ever need anything. Come to me. I don't want to exactly replace him, but I wanna be here for you." "Thanx Gee...." I yawned at the end and sat up straight. "You wanna get some sleep? Take any room you want." "Ummm....I guess I can stay over." "you don't have to if you dont want. The offer is open though." "I will, don't worry. Just show me the best room. I'm ready to crash." "Shit, the best room is mine." I laughed a little. Fuck It. "Well, Then I'm with you." "Really now?" "Yup...Tired...sleep...yes." I downed the rest of my Jack and stood up. Gerard came around and led me up the stairs.