Sorry for the sexual violence
"Dylan." I heard Ryan whisper. "Wake up." I wanted to see what he’d do if I didn’t wake up. Would he carry me? Or fling me out of the car and leave me in the road? That would be funny in a not funny way.
I heard silence for about 5 minutes and as I was about to sit up and tell him I was awake he started to speak softly to me. Almost as if he didn’t want me to hear. And I almost didn’t hear. I had to sort of stop breathing so I could make out what he was saying.
"This is so cowardly of me but maybe one day I'd gather the courage to tell you this when you're actually awake." He let out a bitter sweet laugh and continued, careful not to wake me.
"If I told you now you wouldn’t believe me and probably think I was just saying it, or being clingy and possessive but…one day when all this music business is over where gonna get married. Maybe even before then. I promise. And I’m never going to let you out of my sight. You might not believe it now but I’m never gonna leave you again and I just wish that one day you’ll be able to trust me."
He kissed me on the forehead and I felt like crying. I knew he loved me, he said so but I always thought that he couldn’t mean it. How could someone like him even want someone like me? And he actually thought about our future together. To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the year.
I faked the slow waking up and he smiled.
"Good you’re up. And you’re home now." Ryan said as we got out of the car.
"Do you want me to walk you to the door or are you capable of getting to the door yourself?"
"I’m capable but walk me anyway bitch." I said as I dragged him towards the door. Once we got to the door I paused, key in hand. What do I do? After what happened in the car do I really wanna kiss him properly on the doorstep when it could so easily lead to my (very messy) bedroom?
I uncertainly kissed him on the cheek before hurrying inside closing the door and sliding down it. I looked out of the window by the door and watched him touch the place where I kissed him and walk off with a dazed expression.
Soon after we had settled into a sort of routine thing. Dinner in, nights out, mornings in (not mornings after sex we stayed in separate rooms much to my dismay. He wanted me to be certain it was what I wanted. I wanted him to know what I wanted was him).
One afternoon after spending the night at his hotel (he slept on the sofa) I came home to find someone sitting on my sofa. It was the one person I least expected.
"What time do you call this?" A voice asked. "And you have changed so much."
I looked at who was sitting on my couch and my mind was working a mile a minute. Was he just here because Tiffany had gone back to the UK? But she went back a week after she came? Did he want me back? Did he want to tell me that he was sorry? How the heck did he get into my home? But all that would come out my mouth was:
"Where have you been?" He asked in a rather venomous way. "On a date?"
Yeah, on a date this early in the…afternoon
"That’s none of your business." I opened the door for to tell him to leave when he jumped up and pushed me into the wall. He had both of my hands pinned to my sides and his face was so close to mine I could see his pores.
"Its every bit my business. If I can’t have you. I’ll make sure no one else will want you."
Why now? Why, when my life is going great, does he have to screw it up? And why does he still have the ability to scare me? I’m not a weak girl but I failed to mention that Eric has always been strong (he’s a boxer) and could with a bit of a struggle control me.
He leaned towards me and kissed me. This wasn’t what I was expecting. I was waiting for a smack, maybe even a punch but not a kiss. Why would no one want me after a kiss? And then I realised he was after more than a kiss as he reached his hand up my top. Now I had to act or else he would get me for sure.
I knew what he wanted. I wasn’t going down without a fight. I kneed him in the groin with all the strength that I could muster and I pushed him to the ground. I ran towards the phone and went to phone Sarah. I didn’t want to phone the police because it would cause too much trouble. They’d make me go to court and all that. I can’t deal with that.
As I picked up the phone I felt Eric turn me around and slap me across the face. Not very hard but hard enough to make me fall on the floor. It was more like he pushed my face; if this situation wasn't serious I would have laughed at the stupidity of it all. He climbed on top of me. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"Wheres your brother now?"
I was screaming for him to get off of me but he wasn’t listening. He started to remove my hoodie and he threw it roughly in the direction of the fire place. I hoped it didn’t land in there.
He looked at me like a dog looks at its dinner and I cringed. I couldn't let him do this to me. I had to show that he can't get away this. I wasn't just fighting for me but for every girl like me. Every girl who wasn't as lucky to get out before it went too far.
I pushed him off with a new sort of strength. He stood up moments after and I picked a vase threateningly (well as threatening as a vase can be).
"I’ll be back for you." He said menacingly as he walked out of the house as if what had just happened was a normal occurrence.
I put the vase down and sat in a heap on the sofa and cried. I hated crying but it was the only thing I could do. I wasn't upset, not by a long shot. I was angry that I had let him get the better of me, I was angry because I was scared that he would come back for me. No one scared me and got away with it. Eric was definitely not going to be any different.
I shakily called Sarah's number and waited for her to answer.
"Sarah it’s me. Eric just…he tried to…" I didn't have to finish. She said she’d be there in five minutes and four minutes later she was letting me cry on her, something I have done a lot.
"Honey, whats wrong?" Sarah asked once I had finally come out of my bedroom. It has been three days since Ryan left and two days since I had last came out, and that was to get something to drink.
"He’s gone. And when I told Tiffany she told me to get over myself." I moaned as I grabbed a jumbo chocolate bar and a bag of crisps. Ryan would have called them chips. STOP thinking about him.
"What do you say to a movie marathon? Nothing beats beating loss like watching some double D breasted blondes getting killed mercilessly by a masked maniac."
I sat down on my bed and put the DVD on. She did have a point, and that sentence must have been very difficult to say, as she was a DD blonde. As the film started I started to cry. Ryan used to never let me watch horror movies. Said he was scared I’d have nightmares, I think he was just scared.
"I love him." I wailed as I rested my head on her shoulder like some sort of sick animal.
"I know. I know." She said over the screams of a bimbo getting her plastic breasts slashed open. Nothing helps you get over your own pain like watching someone else's, as cruel as that sounds.
I eventually fell asleep on the sofa. I knew I should get comfortable because Sarah was 98% certain to steal my bed.