Jon's guilty. But is he as guilty as he thinks? Can some issues be worked out? Trust regained?
Macey smiled to herself as she hung up the phone. Jon had called: Panic! Had just landed in Las Vegas and Jon would be home in an hour. Three months of tour seemed like three years, and Macey was counting on a very special evening with her Jon.
Jon’s words on the phone reverberated through her brain as she checked the clock, calculating how much time she had to prepare for his arrival.
“We’re going out babe, so dress beautifully, not that you don’t always look beautiful, and be ready when I get home.”
She headed into their bedroom, laying out a simple little black silky dress, strapless, but tasteful. Along side the dress she set out a matching shoulder wrap, a pair of black strappy heels, and a small purse, accompanied by simple tasteful jewelry. Her heart gave a leap as she excitedly contemplated the arrival of her boyfriend, and she began feeling the flutters of giddiness that made her restless and content at the same time. She knew she had to distract herself so, gauging by the clock again, she stripped down as she headed into the adjoining bathroom, turned on the shower and began a thorough scrub down with Jon’s favorite bath gel.
Lost in her thoughts and the steam of the shower, she lost track of time, day dreaming as usual of Jon, until the sound of the house door opening and a voice calling out awakened her to her senses.
Giving a little start she switched off the shower, wrapped a towel around herself, and was about to head to the bedroom to change quickly, when the bathroom door opened and Jon stood in the doorway, with a questioning “Baby, you home?”
“JON!” She exclaimed, a smile lighting up her features and her heart fifty times lighter, “I missed you!” and forgetting her dripping hair she sprang into his arms and welcomed his lips capturing hers in a sweet kiss.
“Baby,” she half whined against his lips, “I missed you---“ he captured her lips again, but she pulled away, slightly teasingly, “I have to go get changed, and ready…I lost track of time” She continued putting on her underwear and a slip, and heading towards her mirror as Jon jumped in the shower to freshen up after the airplane ride. Macey finished her hair in a record time of ten minutes, and applied what little make up she used in her perfected time of five minutes, allowing her to pull on her dress and shoes while Jon got out of the shower, and took almost an hour to get ready.
“Finally,” Macey greeted him as he stepped out, clean and spiffingly dressed, “I’ve waited three months, and then I have to wait an extra hour.” She dodged his kiss playfully, “Nuh, uh, you made me wait, I make you wait.”
“It’ll be worth waiting for, I know.” He whispered in her ear, putting an arm around her waist and leading her out the door to the car.
Macey snapped her seatbelt into place as Jon started the car and glanced out the window, “How was the tour? I saw that one interview with the magazine. The pictures were good, you looked adorable, but are you sure Brendon isn’t taking something?” They shared a chuckle as Jon merged onto the freeway, “Yeah, he had a redbull before hand.” Jon said absentmindedly, “I see you finished unpacking those boxes. You’re amazing. You managed to unpack from a move and keep up with a new job. I wish I had been there to help with it all.” He was referring to the unpacking of household possessions due to their recent move from Chicago to Las Vegas.
“You were busy baby.” She leaned across the center divide of the car to give him a kiss on the cheek.
A couple of hours later the pair were seated at a cozy little table in a posh little restaurant sharing small kisses over a dessert of Crème Brulee.
“You know what I missed most about you baby?” Macey asked softly, her soft smile spreading over her face as Jon tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, “Waking up in the mornings in your arms.”
‘I missed my best friend and my lover.” Jon whispered back, leaning in to kiss her beautifully red lips again.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” A familiar voice announced to the room at large in a sappy voice, “But these two lovers have been apart for three months, so please excuse their PDA.”
“Oh GOD,” Jon huffed, “Brendon, what are you doing here? Hot dates, by the way.” He motioned to Ryan and Spencer who were standing a little behind Brendon.
“HEY!” Was the simultaneous response from Spencer and Ryan respectively.
“Stalking my favoritistest bassist and bestestest friend in the whole wide world!” Brendon exclaimed merrily.
“God, you’re such a stalker B Bear,” Macey laughed, “but would you mind? You’ve had my boyfriend for three months, I think it’s time I have my share of him.”
Jon turned to Spencer and Ryan, “Why do I feel like a piece of meat?”
“Yeah…well….” Brendon was having a hard time with a come back, “I…think his man flops are cool.”
“So what are you doing here, all three of you?” Macey asked, resting her head on Jon’s shoulder.
“NOTHING GAY!” Brendon shouted hyperly, earning stares, “Nah, actually the three of us just thought we’d go out for a ‘welcome home’ celebration. We stopped by your place, but you’d already left….”
“So we’ll leave you two now.” Spencer interrupted Brendon, seeing the impatient looks of Macey and Jon.
“Thank you,” Macey grinned, snuggling against Jon as the boy’s went to sit down and Jon paid the bill, “I missed you,” she repeated again.
“Jon…..” She moaned as he slowly unzipped her dress and slid it down her body, earning a chuckle from him as he caressed her skin, making her heart pound faster and her body realize how long the three months had been for her. She stepped out of the dress as it hit the floor, kicking it aside somewhere under the bed as she kissed him passionately while she working at his shirt buttons and he swiftly discarded his slacks.
They remained like this for a while, laying on the bed, absorbed in each other, not rushing, but savoring the time they had together. Macey toyed with the hem of his boxers as he moved to kiss down her jaw line. “Jon, I love you,” She whispered, as he nibbled on her neck, his arms encircling her making her feel that familiar safeness. The sense that all was right with the world.
Those three words, that he had heard before with such joy, cause a weight to be added to his heart. He felt unimaginable guilt, and he knew he had to be honest with her. After all they had been through, he didn’t deserve her. She deserved someone better.
She felt him tense at his words, and the next moment a sense of rejection washed over her as he pulled away, sitting up and crossing his arms.
“Baby…baby I….Mace….Macey….I can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.” He was saying, a shadow over his face.
“Why not? It hasn’t been a problem before,” She said, crossing her arms over her chest, sitting up.
“Jon,” she said slowly, relaxing her posture a little, knowing in her gut that something was wrong, “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I CHEATED ON YOU!” He exclaimed standing up and backing way from the bed a few steps, tears sprang to her eyes, but she said nothing, looking down at her own lap, waiting for him to continue. “I cheated on you.” He repeated.
“I heard you the first time.” She said in a quiet subdued voice. She refused to believe it somehow, not yet anyway.
“It was maybe two weeks before we came home. I was….we….we went to a club.” Jon sat down on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, “I got drunk,”
“Oh please, that is the age old excuse,” Macey snapped sharply.
“It’s not excuse! She wanted to dance, Giselle, something…I don’t know. I guess it felt harmless, and then we were kissing, I kissed her…no….no she kissed me! We…I…” He stumbled not knowing what to say.
“Did….did you….” Macey’s voice faltered with tears and she paused a moment.
“What?” Jon prompted her, still not looking up.
“Did you…touch her….? What…what happened? Did you have sex with her?” Macey finally choked out, her throat feeling ten times tighter and dryer almost unable to speak.
“No. She just kissed me….and then… “
“Did you even try to stop her?” Macey asked spitefully through her tears.
“YES! Of course I did! I pushed her off, once I registered what was happening. Baby…I’m…sorry. I’m not going to deny anything, but I want you to know I never wanted to hurt you. And I regret it. I feel sick with myself, I don’t deserve anyone as wonderful as you and I love you with all my—“
“Shut up. Alright? Jon? Just shut up!” Mace stood, walked over to her chest of drawers, grabbed a t shirt and pajama bottoms, and turned back to Jon, “I need to think. I need some time.”
She hurried over to the bathroom and collapsed against its door as soon as she had closed it, crying. She had always trusted Jon, without a doubt, but now…now she didn’t know what to think. In a way she wished he had gone all the way with this….other whore. It would make it so much easier. She would have no problem dumping him. But a kiss, that it sounded like the girl had initiated. And he was drunk. But …there where too many factors. She wasn’t sure she wanted to give up Jon, she loved him with her whole heart. She just didn’t know. She took a deep breath, stood, and changed into her pajamas, walking back into the bedroom to find it empty.
“Jon?” She called out softly, “Jon?” She walked into the living room to find the bassist curled up on the couch with a blanket and pillow, looking utterly forlorn. And unless she was mistaken, traces of a tear or two were on his face. “So you’re just going to sleep out here?” she asked softly, sitting next to him. She could tell from his face that he felt like crap.
“Yeah…well, I wouldn’t sleep with me. But I have to.” He mumbled pitifully.
“I’m going to need time to think this through Jon, but I do love you. A lot. And…I want to be able to work through this. I just….trust is so important Jon.” Macey sighed as Jon sat up, “I always found safety in your arms,” She whispered, “I could trust you,” Tears sprang to her eyes now, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms at the very moment for the comfort, but knowing that if things didn’t work out she would be hurt even more.
“I want to work through this too. I love you Mace. I want us to still be us. It was a mistake, her and me.”
“It…it wasn’t all…your fault.” Macey admitted out loud, “I just, I don’t know.” She gave into her emotional urges and leaned into his arms, burying her head in his chest, where he rocked her back and forth gently, the two of them sitting in silence for a while.
Finally Macey sat up exhaustedly, and with the air of one with a great weight on her shoulders.
“Just…come back to bed?” She whispered.
“Are you sure?” Jon asked, cupping her face gently in his hand.
“Definitely not for that !” She exclaimed in clarifications, “It’s just,” she nearly broke down again, “I haven’t seen you for three months, Jon!”
“I know…” Jon paused, then stood, Macey followed, and they headed back to their bedroom, settling into bed, each to their own sides, and not in each other’s arms, as they usually fell asleep. There was an awkward tension between them, and neither fell asleep for a very long time afterwards.