A look at just where Ed got that foul mouth of his. Rated for cussing, of course. One-shot.
Trisha Elric paused in the middle of cleaning the living room to stare in fascinated horror at her oldest child, who had apparently very recently acquired an addition in his ever-growing vocabulary and was trying it out while playing with his blocks.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit..."
She'd never heard a child swear so easily before.
"Dammit, dammit, dammit..."
"Edward Elric, stop saying that!"
Startled, Trisha's eldest stopped what he was doing, the block he'd held falling from his tiny fist as he looked up. "...Ed say somethin' w'ong?" he asked in a small voice, large eyes fixing on his mother as a small thumb crept up to his mouth.
Trisha sighed, crouching down next to her errant son. "Yes, Ed. Those are bad words, and you shouldn't say them."
A tiny head nodded, gold eyes solemn. "Ed sorry."
"It's okay, sweetie." Gently removing the thumb that was now being sucked on by her eldest, Trisha smiled wryly. "Now, can you tell Mommy where you learned that word? It's very important."
Pouting at the loss of his thumb-sucking hand, Ed sighed. "Daddy said it when th' big book fell on him."
"He did, huh?" she responded thoughtfully, frowning. "While you were in the room?"
"Ah-huh!" Figuring he wasn't in as much trouble as his father, the toddler continued, picking up his block and settling back to building his castle. "An' he says 'shit' when Al is 'tinky."
Trisha groaned, shushing her colorful offspring. "Don't say that word either, Ed, okay? And I think Mommy needs to have a talk with Daddy when he gets home."
Ed grinned mischievously, finishing his castle. "Daddy trouble?"
Trisha nodded, chuckling. "Yes, hon, Daddy's in trouble."
"That funny." Abandoning the now-completed castle, Ed toddled over to the nearby blanket where his baby brother was lying, chewing on a rag bunny. "Play with Alphon' now?"
"All right, but be careful! Alphonse isn't quite up to crawling around yet." Smiling at her son, she started to clean up the blocks.
"'kay. I read to Alphon'." And off he went to get a storybook from the bottom shelf of the bookcase, hurrying back so he could 'read' a story to his brother.
That evening, little Edward giggled as he listened to his mother lecture his father on 'proper language around the children' while his father tried to placate her. It was funny to watch.
Ed had been given the very important job of sitting on the couch holding his brother, soft-fuzzed head supported by Ed's right arm and the arm of the couch. Ed had to be very careful holding his brother, so he sat extra still and watched as his sibling chewed on his rabbit some more. This also meant he had a front-row seat to his father's dressing-down, which made him giggle more.
It didn't take long for his mother to run out of steam, though, after his father started making the 'kissy face' at her, opting for distracting his wife instead of calming her down. "Eew!" Ed called, making a face and hiding his brother's eyes with his left hand, making Al squeal in delight. "You both gross!"
The boy was surprised when his father laughed, and his mother started to blush and say something about dinner. Ed sat perfectly still as his father walked over, making sure Al was safe and comfortable. "Now, I hear you're the one who tattled on me saying the bad words, right, Edward?" he asked, mouth curled in a smile under the beard.
Tattling was a bad thing, so Ed made a sad face before nodding. "Ah-huh. Mommy wanted to know where I learnded them, and I no lie, so I told her."
"You're right, you shouldn't lie. But let's make a deal, man to man."
Hohenheim grinned at his son, leaning over and whispering in a conspiring tone. "You don't tell Mommy when I say the bad words, and I'll let you say them when Mommy's not around."
Ed thought seriously for a moment, allowing his father to take Al out of his arms as he considered. They were fun to say. "...'kay. You teach me new ones?"
His father laughed. "Of course. And you can teach Al when he can talk."
Ed liked teaching his brother things. "'kay."
"Now c'mon. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."
Author's Note: Whoever said that Hohenheim taught Ed nothing? ^^ Maybe it was a good thing he left before Ed's vocabulary got any worse.