Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 42
“Were you just using me? Was it just a game for you to mess around with my feelings like that?” Gia said, tears streaming down, “Don’t worry, it’s not something I’m unused to.”
“No. It’s not that,” Mark mumbled.
“Then what? Jesus Christ, Mark, I thought I loved you. And now I’ve found out that you’ve been lying to me all along.”
“Quiet, okay!” Mark shouted, “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything. The first thing you need to know is that I do love you.”
“Like hell you do!”
“I do! I love being around you, your laugh, your voice. I can’t ever stop thinking about you. You’re always up here,” Mark said, pointing to his head, “But, I have…urges. My body occasionally wants things that you can’t meet! And that’s why I go to…those sort of clubs.”
“You haven’t even tried to see if I can meet those needs yet,” Gia said, “How do you know I can’t…fulfil your ‘urges’ as you put them?”
“Because…because those urges have never been sated with any woman,” Mark explained, reluctantly, “Whenever I’ve slept with a woman, I don’t feel right. My body reacts in the right way, but it all leads up to a big fat nothing. And throughout it all, all I want to do is get away.”
“That’s just anxiety-it’s norm-“
“I never feel that way with a man, all right?” Mark yelled, “You want to know who I am? I’m a fucking fagg, okay? I only feel right when I’m with guys.”
“That’s not a problem. But why bring me into it? If you’re only comfortable with guys, why date me?”
“Because I don’t want to be gay! I hate it! I want to have the nuclear family, wife, two and a half kids, white picketed house in the outer suburbs. That’s what I want. That’s all I ever wanted. It’s just this fucking body I’m in wants something else.”
“What do you really expect out of this, though? Did you really think we’d stay together without any sex? Without anything even getting close to sex?”
“Yes-no. I don’t know. I just, I guess I thought that if I had sex with you I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it, and would feel guilty afterwards. It was something I knew I’d have to do to stay with you, but also wanted to delay as long as possible. It’s the guilt that comes afterwards that always destroys the relationship.”
“Oh God,” Gia realised, “You’ve done this before. All that shit about your ex-she left you over this, didn’t she?”
“No, not quite. She left me because I was avoiding her. She thought I didn’t have the nerve to break up with her, and was trying to force her out.”
“In reality?”
“In reality, every time I saw her I hated myself. She was a great girl who gave me everything. She put me up when I was evicted, helped me financially before I got a job, gave her virginity, and told me she loved me. And I was this guy who was breaking her heart once a week. She didn’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve her.”
There wasn’t much more to say after that. Gia didn’t feel like yelling so much anymore, and Mark never wanted to speak in the first place. But, after letting the revelation sink in, he felt he had to offer one last thing.
“So, that’s my dark history you wanted to know, warts and all. That’s who I am, Gia. And like I said at the beginning, I do love you. I never lied about that. And I do want to be with you, but just not in all the ways you want. But if you can live with that compromise, I’ll stay with and love you forever, without a doubt.”
Gia laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation.
“Funny. I thought I would hate you by the end of the night. In the end, I just feel sorry for you,” she explained, “But not in a patronising way, Mark, but a deep sadness. You’re at odds with who you really are. And though you love me, you can’t be happy with me. You can’t be happy with any woman. So, no matter whether I want to be with you or not, I can’t honestly stay with you if I want you ever to be happy, can I?”
“Sure you can. We’ll just-“
“It’ll be just like your last girlfriend. You’d get feel more and more guilty, and try to convince me to leave, and we’d end up hating each other. For God’s sake, you’ve already started doing it.”
“No, this time, since you know the truth, we’d-“
“No, Mark. It wouldn’t work,” Gia said, smiling, “Better we end things while we’re still on speaking terms. Better we end it tonight.”
“Right,” Mark nodded, getting up, “I better be going then.”
“Why? Stay and finish dinner. I mean, I’m still your friend, and I want to stay like that. And if you’re going to some to terms with your feelings, you’re going to need some friends.”
“That’s just the thing,” Mark said, walking off, “I don’t need to come to terms with my feelings. I don’t want to be who you think I really am. I want to be your lover, your ideal man. I can’t be that, but I don’t think I’ll settle for anything less.”
He headed for the door, but Gia stopped him.
“Look, I know you don’t want to be gay now, or just friends with me, but if you ever change-“
“I won’t.”
“BUT if you ever change,” Gia continued, “Just catch up with me, okay? I mean, I still, I…I’ll just miss you, okay?”
“Okay,” Mark said, not actually answering Gia’s request, to which they were both aware, but leaving anyway, “Goodbye Gia.”
“Bye Mark,” Gia said, closing the door behind him.
She didn’t wait for him to get out of earshot. She wasn’t worried he would overhear. She pulled out her mobile and called Kelly.
“Hey Kelly. You were right. Can you come over…now?” Gia said into her phone.
“Were you just using me? Was it just a game for you to mess around with my feelings like that?” Gia said, tears streaming down, “Don’t worry, it’s not something I’m unused to.”
“No. It’s not that,” Mark mumbled.
“Then what? Jesus Christ, Mark, I thought I loved you. And now I’ve found out that you’ve been lying to me all along.”
“Quiet, okay!” Mark shouted, “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything. The first thing you need to know is that I do love you.”
“Like hell you do!”
“I do! I love being around you, your laugh, your voice. I can’t ever stop thinking about you. You’re always up here,” Mark said, pointing to his head, “But, I have…urges. My body occasionally wants things that you can’t meet! And that’s why I go to…those sort of clubs.”
“You haven’t even tried to see if I can meet those needs yet,” Gia said, “How do you know I can’t…fulfil your ‘urges’ as you put them?”
“Because…because those urges have never been sated with any woman,” Mark explained, reluctantly, “Whenever I’ve slept with a woman, I don’t feel right. My body reacts in the right way, but it all leads up to a big fat nothing. And throughout it all, all I want to do is get away.”
“That’s just anxiety-it’s norm-“
“I never feel that way with a man, all right?” Mark yelled, “You want to know who I am? I’m a fucking fagg, okay? I only feel right when I’m with guys.”
“That’s not a problem. But why bring me into it? If you’re only comfortable with guys, why date me?”
“Because I don’t want to be gay! I hate it! I want to have the nuclear family, wife, two and a half kids, white picketed house in the outer suburbs. That’s what I want. That’s all I ever wanted. It’s just this fucking body I’m in wants something else.”
“What do you really expect out of this, though? Did you really think we’d stay together without any sex? Without anything even getting close to sex?”
“Yes-no. I don’t know. I just, I guess I thought that if I had sex with you I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it, and would feel guilty afterwards. It was something I knew I’d have to do to stay with you, but also wanted to delay as long as possible. It’s the guilt that comes afterwards that always destroys the relationship.”
“Oh God,” Gia realised, “You’ve done this before. All that shit about your ex-she left you over this, didn’t she?”
“No, not quite. She left me because I was avoiding her. She thought I didn’t have the nerve to break up with her, and was trying to force her out.”
“In reality?”
“In reality, every time I saw her I hated myself. She was a great girl who gave me everything. She put me up when I was evicted, helped me financially before I got a job, gave her virginity, and told me she loved me. And I was this guy who was breaking her heart once a week. She didn’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve her.”
There wasn’t much more to say after that. Gia didn’t feel like yelling so much anymore, and Mark never wanted to speak in the first place. But, after letting the revelation sink in, he felt he had to offer one last thing.
“So, that’s my dark history you wanted to know, warts and all. That’s who I am, Gia. And like I said at the beginning, I do love you. I never lied about that. And I do want to be with you, but just not in all the ways you want. But if you can live with that compromise, I’ll stay with and love you forever, without a doubt.”
Gia laughed, despite the seriousness of the situation.
“Funny. I thought I would hate you by the end of the night. In the end, I just feel sorry for you,” she explained, “But not in a patronising way, Mark, but a deep sadness. You’re at odds with who you really are. And though you love me, you can’t be happy with me. You can’t be happy with any woman. So, no matter whether I want to be with you or not, I can’t honestly stay with you if I want you ever to be happy, can I?”
“Sure you can. We’ll just-“
“It’ll be just like your last girlfriend. You’d get feel more and more guilty, and try to convince me to leave, and we’d end up hating each other. For God’s sake, you’ve already started doing it.”
“No, this time, since you know the truth, we’d-“
“No, Mark. It wouldn’t work,” Gia said, smiling, “Better we end things while we’re still on speaking terms. Better we end it tonight.”
“Right,” Mark nodded, getting up, “I better be going then.”
“Why? Stay and finish dinner. I mean, I’m still your friend, and I want to stay like that. And if you’re going to some to terms with your feelings, you’re going to need some friends.”
“That’s just the thing,” Mark said, walking off, “I don’t need to come to terms with my feelings. I don’t want to be who you think I really am. I want to be your lover, your ideal man. I can’t be that, but I don’t think I’ll settle for anything less.”
He headed for the door, but Gia stopped him.
“Look, I know you don’t want to be gay now, or just friends with me, but if you ever change-“
“I won’t.”
“BUT if you ever change,” Gia continued, “Just catch up with me, okay? I mean, I still, I…I’ll just miss you, okay?”
“Okay,” Mark said, not actually answering Gia’s request, to which they were both aware, but leaving anyway, “Goodbye Gia.”
“Bye Mark,” Gia said, closing the door behind him.
She didn’t wait for him to get out of earshot. She wasn’t worried he would overhear. She pulled out her mobile and called Kelly.
“Hey Kelly. You were right. Can you come over…now?” Gia said into her phone.
Sign up to rate and review this story