"I never thought it would end with you being so ill, I don’t have control over this. It scares me because I can’t do anything. Jared, why now? You’re so young."
My legs buckled and I was left sobbing on the floor for his life. My head rested in my hand as tears seeped through each of my fingers and onto the hospital floor.
"Gerard, come here, please" He murmured. "I need to say some things to you before it's too late. I need you to know that I love you and I need to taste your lips against mine one last time. I love you, but I have to apologise."
"For what? You've never done anything wrong." I was confused and I couldn't work out why he needed to apologise. I couldn't see that he had done anything wrong, but I know if he died without saying this he would not be able to rest easily. He looked pained, as though he were hurting and harbouring guilt. I knew that whatever it was I had to forgive him. He couldn't die thinking I hated him. I never could.
"I'm sorry because I pushed you away, I'm sorry because I let you believe I didn't love you when that could never be true, but mostly I'm sorry because I wasted these last few hours. We should have spent them together." His words were melting into tears because he knew he was reaching the end of his life. It didn't seem fair that he was being taken from me. "I love you. Please don't forget that. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, if they do I'll have to start haunting them." He tried to joke but it was lost on both of us.
"Jared, I need you, don't give up. Please!" I begged. I was now holding him tighter than I had ever held him before. I was hoping that if I held his body tight I’d be able to hold onto his life. The way I held him told him everything he needed to know. It told him how much I love him "Jared, I don't know what to say, because anything I say to you will be for the last time. You know I love you. I would do anything for you not to give up. I can't take it in. I know that when I kiss you I'm going to be kissing you for the last time, it's not right."
"No, it isn't. I wish I had more time with you. I'm sorry I tried to push you away, forgive me; I didn't want you to see me like this. But I'm glad I got to say goodbye. I love you." His crisis was intensifying and I could feel him slipping away in my arms. I kept hold of him, hoping my support would give him the strength he needed to carry on.
"Of course I forgive you. I never thought you needed forgiving. I understand why you said and did what you did." I said while leaning in and gently brushing his lips past mine. I did forgive him; I knew all he did was protect me in his own way.
"Gee, I love you. But this is goodbye." He said while leaning in for a last kiss. I did nothing more than mutter a goodbye as our lips met for the last time. A tear stained kiss and he was gone, leaving me cradling the empty shell that used to hold the greatest person I had ever met.