By the time the show was over I was on my last cigarette from my pack. I leaned against the bus watching the glowing cherry of my cigarette, looking past it I could see Ray walking towards me.
Quickly I stomped out my cigarette. “Heidi if you’re going to help Gerard stop smoking I think you should too.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m guessing he sent you to take me to hell, right?”
“It won’t be that bad, I promise. Come on.” Pouting I followed him to the back door of the arena; we entered the building then took a long walk down to the dressing room. I watched Gerard as he wiped the sweat from his face with a towel. I walked over to him.
“I’m here.” I said in an annoyed tone. “Let’s go.” he took my hand as we filed out of the room with the rest of the band. I started to shake nervously, he grasped my hand tighter and whispered in my ear. “Heidi, I love you. They will love you.” he quickly kissed me as we walked up on the crowd of screaming fans. Letting go of my hand he moved forward in front of the crowd to speak. He held his hand high in the air, everyone stopped talking. He gestured over to me, I smiled sheepishly. “This is my lovely girlfriend, Heidi. Now I want all you fans to give her a warm welcome, she a newbie. First time on tour.” I could feel the crowd looking at me; adjusting to having me in the room. Timidly I walked towards the crowd. “Hello.” I whispered. They all went back to screaming, not only for the band but for me to. They screamed for autographs and pictures, one peculiar girl waved me over. I looked over at Gerard he gestured for me to go on, I put a smile on. “Hello. What’s your name?”
“Isabella. Can I tell you something?”
I nodded my head hesitantly. “Sure.”
“I just want you to know that I respect you. If Gerard thinks you’re good enough then so do I, but please watch out for him. He means the world to all his fans, we know he has drinking problems.
Just help him, please. Heidi don’t break his heart, he’s had enough of that.”
I stood looking into her eyes; she was serious. I knew what she meant and how she felt.
I smiled brightly. “Isabella…I was a fan once. I understand my position, no worries.”
I hugged her tightly, I don’t know why I felt so compelled to do it but I did.
After the crowd was at bay we all walked back to the tour bus. For the rest of the night I was a little shook up about the things Isabella had said to me. What if I make him worse? What if I can’t help him? Do I even think I’m worth it? I sat in the leather tour bus seat looking out the window into the dark parking lot. I felt the seat next to me sink in, then I felt a soft kiss on my cheek. I looked over. “Hey, love.” he whispered to me. “Gerard maybe me-”
“We still on for dinner?” I sighed, then put on a smile. “Of course we are.”
“Well, you go get dressed and the car will be waiting outside for you. I will be at the restaurant a little later. My heart dropped. “Okay.” I quickly ran to my bunk grabbing a red dress and ducked into the bathroom to change. My smiled faded; its one of those dinners. The one were he pawns me off with some nice driver then he’s 3 hours late or has the driver bring me back. I wish he understood I would rather spend the night cuddling then being wined and dined.
An hour later the car dropped me off at the American Restaurant; a swanky place. I sighed walking in solemnly, I looked up at the man behind the podium. “I’m under Way.” he nodded “whisking” me away to my table in the back. I looked around at the dull draped walls, I guess Gerard doesn’t know I’ve been here plenty of times with my family. My family is very wealthy it was usual for me to eat in places like this. I wish he would realized I don’t need the finer things in life. I just need him; at least I think I do.
The waiter finally showed up to the table. “What would you like madam?”
I looked up bored. “Call me Heidi, and right now I’ll just have some white wine. Chardonnay please.” he nodded once then disappeared into the walkway.
Shut up or show up….
30 minutes later and 4 glasses of wine later, he still hasn’t showed up. Getting angry I called his phone, but no answer. A couple of minutes later my phone started to vibrate in my clutch. I looked down at the number….it was him.
“Hello!” I said a little to loudly, people from other tables looked over at me.
“It’s Frank. Gerard said he’s really sorry but he had some interviews to do and some artwork he had to finish.” I shook my head angrily. “So the car is taking me back to the bus? For the fucking millionth time?!” “No! Actually I’m coming to have dinner with you, I mean if you don’t care. I’m doing it for Gerard, he said he didn’t want you eating dinner alone.”
“I guess. If its not a problem with Emily.”
He sighed. “It’s not and if it is I don’t really care.”
Getting bored waiting on him I walked outside the restaurant to smoke. I looked over at the street as Frank pulled up in the back of a black town car. A smiled spread across my face as I walked towards the car. He stepped out of the car dressed in a black button down, black converse, and grey pants. I laughed. “You’re dressed to kill eh?”
“Always.” he looked down at his shoes then back up at me. “Sorry. I’m sorry he didn’t show up and I had to.” I moved closer to him. “It’s fine, you know I’m use to him not showing up for our dates. I’m just glad I don’t have to eat alone this time.”
He looked up at the restaurant sign. “Do you really want to eat here?”
I shook my head. “Well…no. I’ve been here plenty of times; he doesn’t understand that I don’t want swanky restaurants. I’d rather have burgers and fries.”
He took my hand and gestured towards the car. “Burgers and fries it is.”
How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink? ~Author Unknown
We laughed loudly as the alcohol settled in our systems. We had already eaten and had a total of 12 drinks between both of us. It felt so natural to be around him, he’s like an old soul.
I giggled at one of his stories then settled down in my seat. I sat across from him in the booth of the smoggy bar. Simple like I like it.
“So what did Emily say when you told her you were going to dinner with me? I bet she shit a brick, didn’t she?” He laughed. “Actually I don’t think she even cared. She’s been really distant lately, ya know I really like her.” I swallowed hard. “Do you love her?”
“I don’t know, I might.” I grabbed his hand. “Either you love her or not…”
“I do.” I took my hand away from him, he looked hurt. “What did I say?”
“Emily is cheating on you Frank! She doesn’t love you, I love you more then she does! I really hope you don’t love that girl, she doesn’t deserve it.”
He grabbed my hands and closed his eyes moving the palm of my hand against his cheek.
“You love me more then her?”
“Of course I do.” I couldn’t stop the words from flowing outward. “I love you.”
He dropped my hands and stood up out of the booth. “Show me you love me.”
I shook my head. “Gerard…”
“Its okay. He told me to be with you tonight, and I’m going to.” a smirk spread across his face. I knew he was more drunk than me and I knew that was the alcohol talking. But I couldn’t resist the temptation. I love him. Its okay if you love someone…right?
Good or bad?
Should I keep going?
Yes or no?
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