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Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt.
My alarm woke me. It was 7:30.
Half an hour and I would be on my way to school for the first time since I had had my baby.
Shit.

“Frank, get up,” I shouted, banging on his bedroom door.
Mum had taken Ty out for the day and dad was at work already, so I had to get Frank to wake up.
“Francis. Get the fuck up!”

I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and put on my make-up.
“Why do I have to go back to that hell hole,” I said to my reflection in the mirror, before leaving the room and going downstairs to open the door for they guys.
“Hey guys, come in,” I smiled at the three faces at the door.
Ray and Mikey sat down at the kitchen table, and Bob raided the fridge.
“Where’s Gee?” I asked.
“He’s getting cleaned up. That’s all I’m saying for now; you’ll notice the difference soon hopefully.” Mikey looked proud of himself.
“Oh. Okay,” I replied simply, grabbing Frank’s iron maiden hoody and calling his name.
Frank bombed down the stairs, jumping and missing out the last three steps.
“Ready,” he smiled, “Hey guys.”
I passed him his hoody and we left the house. Bob had half the contents of our fridge in his hands, but at least things were back to normal now.


“Hey look, she’s back,” I heard a girl say behind us as we walked along the street. Other muffled voices could be heard in the distance. I knew they would be talking about me. I was past caring.
“Just ignore them,” Mikey said, smiling sympathetically.
“Don’t worry I am. I don’t really give a shit. I give a shit that Im freezing to death though.” I shivered.
“Why the fuck didn’t you bring your jacket?” Frank frowned, looking confused.
“I left it on my bed. I realised a while back, but I figured you guys would be pretty pissed with me if I made you late, so I just left it.” I said honestly.
“We wouldn’t be pissed at you, that’s impossible,” Ray smiled, stuffing his face with Bob’s stack of food.
“Here, have my jacket,” Mikey said, taking off his coat and wrapping it around my shoulders. I remembered back to when I first met Gerard, and how he had given me his coat when I tired my first cigarette.
The thought of cigarettes made me crave one. I hadn’t smoked in a while, because of Ty, and today seemed like a perfect reason to start again.
“Anyone got any fags?” I asked, “and a lighter?”
“Yeah,” Frank passed me his lighter, and Bob passed me a packet of cigs.
“Cheers guys, your lifesavers,” I laughed.
“Actually, if we’re giving you those, I think we are more like killer life savers,” Ray chuckled.
“That was really lame Toro,” I laughed at his attempts to be funny.
Frank shook his head and grinned.

I lit the cigarette and took a drag.
I blew rings of smoke out from my mouth.
“Where’d you learn to do that?” Ray asked, watching contently as the smoke rings faded.
“Gerard taught me,” I replied.
Everything I said on the walk up to school somehow managed to remind me of Gerard.
I wished that everything was back to how it used to be. Just the five of us and Jamia of course as she is always fun to be around.
No drugs, no alcoholic Gerard, just us six having the time of our lives.
Ever since Ty was born ive been tied down.
It’s like im fucking handcuffed to his crib.
I laughed to myself at the thought of me being handcuffed to a crib, as Ray and Bob walked to their lesson leaving just me and Mikey stood near the stairs.
“What are you laughing at?” He asked, looking puzzled.
“Nothing,” I laughed.
“Tell me!” He begged.
“I was just thinking how, now ive had Tyler, it’s as if Im handcuffed to his crib, I found it funny,” I giggled.
“Now that, I would like to see,” He smirked.
“Oooh, Kinky Mikey,” I grinned, running my finger down his chest.
The bell rang. He laughed, “Yeah Sexy Sarah. Kinky Mikey has to get to lesson now. See you later.”
We hugged and parted ways.

I had art. Without Gerard, art was no fun at all.
We would mess around all lesson, until we only had 5 minutes to spare before the bell. Gerard would then do both of our work so we didn’t get into trouble.
I miss the old Gerard.
I really do.

I walked into the art classroom and took my seat.
I could feel people staring at me, but I took no notice, I just continued to draw.
There was a knock at the door and to my surprise it was Mikey.
“Excuse me, can I borrow Sarah Iero for a while, she needs to go to her music lesson.” He said to my teacher innocently.
I shot him a confused look and grabbed my bag when the teacher gave me permission to leave the room.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” I asked as we left the building.
I followed the silent Mikey to the grass behind the bike shed.
“Mikey? Is there something wrong?” I touched his arm, making him turn to face me, “It’s not like you to skip class.”
“Alicia Simmons just asked me out,” He said, looking down at the ground.
We sat on the grass together and leaned on the shed.
“Oh Mikey im so happy for you,” I hugged him.
“I said no,” He looked into my eyes.
“Why? She seems really nice. She’s pretty, and I bet she’s…” I was silenced by Mikey’s finger on my lips.
“I said I liked somebody else,” he stared at me, and his bottom lip began to quiver.
“Mikey, you get your ass back to class and tell her you like her, I know you do. You were into her before Cassie asked you out, and I bet that when you were with her your eyes for Alicia never went down the drain. Mikey,” I said, stroking his cheek.
“But I love you…”