you should try saying no once in a while.
Crazy thoughts pour into my head. Like how he must be doing this because he fell for that other girl...what was her name? Audrey. I don't even care. But he fell for her and she's the one he talks to, she's the one that he hugs and kisses. The one that his whole heart belongs to now. I knew we wouldn't last forever, that one day it would end through him. I mean look at him. He's a god compared to other boys. Well, to me he is. It was only a matter of time before someone else saw him the way I did. The way I treasured him as the one I would marry.
I threw a pillow across the room as I remember the night he proposed to me. He said he didn't want anyone else, it was me and only me. Never did he say he loved me, only that he wanted to marry me. That had to mean he had some sort of love feeling for me right?
I screamed. I didn't care. No one can here me. Mom and dad went to a Christmas party, Brian's down the street at his friends playing that stupid game.
How can he do this to me?! How can he just forget everything that I've told him, everything that he told me. All the things he said would happen.
The first night he ever mentioned us still being together in the future was one of the brightest moments of the crappiest day.
" I wonder...what would happen if I jumped off this plane...like right now?"
" Is it airborne yet?"
" No...I think they're putting luggage in and crap like that. But pretend it was. What would you do?"
" I couldn't do anything could I? You're thousands of miles away while I'm sitting here at my computer editing photos."
" Come on, pretend."
" I don't want to pretend Brendon. I have to edit these for tomorrows paper and if I don't finish now then-"
" Would you for one second forget about school and focus on us."
" There is no us Brendon."
" And who's fault is that?" I dropped my phone from shock.
" Yours! It's all your fault!!"
" Actually, it's yours. Your the one that told me to forget about me and you and just go out with that whore." I heard the bitterness in his voice. He had followed my advice and gone out with the whore. But that was a totally different story.
" No Brendon. It's yours. Everything's your-" I was tired of him bringing this up. My breathing was getting heavier and the anger was bubbling inside.
" Chill out dude.. I was just messing with you."
" Well fuck you Brendon." he laughed. He's still laughing. What the hell? A small smile spread over my lips, but that was okay, he couldn't see.
" Come on Dee, I know you wanna laugh. You sounded so pissed. I love when you get angry at me. It shows me you care." I roll my eyes.
" Well you do don't you?"
" Don't you?"
" Of course I do. If I didn't I wouldn't have called you in this most crucial part of travel." I roll my eyes yet again and went back to editing the pictures.
" I think we're gunna get married in the future." numbness spread through my body. What? Did he just mention marriage?
" Uh huh...when?" I challenge, my voice slightly shaky.
" I dunno, I give it four...five years." what? Was he being serious?
" Ya...I have my bet on five." he chuckles.
My eyes water up yet again as I think about that conversation. How sincere he sounded. What about now? What does it mean now?
I lie upside down on my bed and stare out the window.
What's he doing now? Is he talking to her? Is he thinking about her? Wishing he was with her?
Is he thinking of me? Has he ever thought about me? Why can't I let this go? Why can't I just relax and fill my days with everything but misery, worry and paranoia.?
I close my eyes and as soon as they're shut I feel that familiar vibration. I fall off the bed and run to my cell phone. It's a new number. I open it slowly and steady my breathing and voice.
" Hello?" I question.
" Hey." no more tears.