(#) xxACoalminexx 2007-11-18Uh...a few pointers. Capitalize the beginning of your sentences, keep your tenses the same (don't mix was-es and is-es), and put a question mark (?) after a question. I totally do all that stuff too, but you just have to read it over and find it.
Also, when you describe people, don't do it like you're talking to a police officer when somebody has gone missing. Instead of saying "I have platinum blonde hair" or "She was wearing skinnys." you could play around with it... "I stared into the mirror at my platinum blonde hair. It had grown all the way to my lower back." or something like that. And instead of "My name is Ashleagh" you could have Amy or Ash's mother go "GET UP ASHLEAGH!". Just get creative with it! And you don't need ALL the introductions in the first chapter.
But I think this story has some potential. So...update soon! I'll add this to my alerts.
Author's responsethank you!!
i'll keep all that stuff in mind
good pointers too by the way
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