A PARODY-- One day, Sesshie falls madly, deeply in love with Kagome when she is crying to herself in the woods.
In order to avoid unnecessary struggles, no matter how enjoyable they may have been, Sesshie knocked Kagome out. Either she had to faint or he had to knock her unconscious. Obviously, she wasn't going to faint anytime soon, so the duty fell to him.
'God. I hate it when the duty falls to me,' he reflected, watching as his castle grew near. 'Gravity sucks.'
It appeared slowly on the horizon-large, ominous, and strong. A white mist seemed to be permanently gathered around it, swirling like pudding in a toilet bowl. 'Ew.' For some reason, that imagery was making him feel ill.
Not that he would show his nausea. Sesshie was the strong, silent type.
He descended from his cloud and strode toward his chambers with the girl gathered protectively in his arms. Catching a glimpse of himself in a passing mirror, he smirked.
Having a pretty girl gathered protectively in his arms was doing absolutely incredible things to his flair. Maybe he should just ditch the feather boa and carry the girl around instead.
Nah. Bugger that. A gut instinct told him that Kagome might not like the idea.
Striding gracefully down a dark corridor (because frankly, there isn't much else to do in dark corridors) the inevitable happened. He ran into Jaken.
The horrid little beast looked at Kagome and sneered. "A human... how nice. Are you going to kill it?" The idea pleased Jaken, he could tell. The scent of a Frog/Toad/Whatever-the-Hell-He-Is Getting Excited Over the Thought of a Human's Imminent Death filled the air like no other scent can.
Sesshie had a very good nose, and he wasn't afraid to use it. Not only was his nose able to pick out distinct scents, but it was also Svelte, Sexy, and Suave. It screamed Sex Appeal like only very good noses can.
Jaken sniffed the air curiously and took a step closer. "My liege-lord... majesty... kingship... highness... wonderful -sama..." he inquired almost hesitantly as he took a step closer, "isn't that...?"
Sesshie watched with inner amusement as realization dawned upon his vassal. Jaken's jaw dropped and he screamed out, "Your brother's human wench!? OMGWTF!?!?"
Then he passed out.
At this, Sesshie couldn't help but frown. This was completely out of character for Jaken. Jaken should have screamed for at least another minute or two.
Stepping over his minion's prone body, he continued traveling to his bedchambers. He knew that it wasn't proper to have a young lady sleep in an older, more "experienced" man's bedroom, but he also knew that would be entirely improper for Kagome to awaken in a room that wasn't sumptuous, luxurious, and plush.
Such an occurrence is a major plot development that should never be disregarded in any fanfic that includes a quintessentially sexy, mysterious, violent, possessive, yet ultimately caring and gentle man.
That way, when she awoke in a state of confusion, she would find herself surrounded by smooth silk sheets. After softly running her hands over the soft material, she would look up to find herself surrounded by two things: velvet curtains and mahogany drawers.
This would comfort her, as being surrounded by expensive furniture often does.
Not only that, but it would also subtly let her know that he, Sesshie, was not going to treat her in a Spartan Manner. No doubt she would be reassured at this as well-after all, if you're going to be kidnapped, then why not be kidnapped by someone who could potentially afford all of the expensive torture equipment?
Lying Kagome down on the bed, he looked down at her sleeping face. She looked pretty much the same awake as she did sleeping, but he wasn't about to admit that.
So instead, he sighed over her unconscious form and left the room. Maybe while she was recovering, he could do something appropriately manly like practice his swordsmanship or hunt lesser youkai in the woods. 'Or,' a little voice in his head added, 'you could try and find out if you were drunk when you named Aun as Aun...'
Nodding silently to himself, his ever-stoic countenance intact, he strode off into the distance as many a strong stoic male is prone to do.