July 6 2004
Staring at the mirror, Gerard winced in hate as he saw the reflection. “I hate myself”, the thought ran through his mind. He sighed as he slowly walked towards the cupboard in the bathroom. Opening it slowly, he grabbed a razor, glinting in the moonlight pouring in from the window. Gerard was just carrying out his daily routine. Breathing slowly, he raised the razor towards his left wrist and took one sharp blow, slicing through the skin, leaving dark red blood trickling into the basin underneath. Horrible phrases thundered through his mind, cutting off the world around him. “No-one loves you!”, “You’re a sad freak, emo, go kill yourself!”. This was the result of 2 years worth of bullying. After he’d done what he’d done, he hid the razor in the cupboard and made his way to his bedroom. He liked the feeling of relief before he went to sleep. The next morning, as he groggily made his way downstairs as a wave of depression struck him, he was greeted by Frankie suddenly. “Gerard, please, I need to talk to you.” Frankie said quietly, tears forming in his eyes as he took Gerard’s hands which were stained red.
“Mm” Gerard mumbled.
“Please, Gerard, we are all here for you, tell me, please, what’s wrong” pleaded Frankie.
“What?” Gerard answered sadly.
“Don’t think that we don’t fucking care because we fucking do!” Frankie cried suddenly as tiny tears burst out of his sorrowful eyes. Frankie took both of Gerard’s hands and looked him in the eyes “Please, you need someone to talk to, I know it, you feel lonely, and…talk to me Gerard, please”
“I can’t i-” Gerard cried quietly.
“Gee, i...saw what you did yesterday in the bathroom, cutting yourself, please, tell me why? Why would you want to hurt someone as warm and caring as you?” Frankie said, more tears filling his emerald green eyes.
Gerard’s eyes grew wide, and a sad look spread across his face. He shut his eyes quickly and lowered his head, letting his long black hair to fall over his face.
“No-one loves me. They all hate me.” Gerard whispered, his head still down.
“What? That’s shit! You know for a fact that we all love you, this band loves you, your family loves you, and I DEFINITELY love you! You’re my best friend in the whole world; you’ve been there for me so many fucking times and-“Frankie was cut short by Gerard.
“Brad and his gang said tha-” Gerard whimpered.
“Brad?! Brad is a fucking arsehole! He has nothing better to do than…wait, has…has Brad been bullying you?” Asked Frankie, anger building up inside him.
“Isn’t it fucking obvious? Ever since 5th Grade he’s been out to get me, and, even though I don’t go to school anymore, it still haunts me, GOD I’M SUCH A WIMP!!” Gerard screamed as he punched the wall with his right hand and collapsed onto the floor and cried quietly.
Frankie kneeled down, scared by Gerard’s sudden outburst, but still wanted to help him. Stroking his black hair, he said
“Stop putting yourself down. Brad has said so many stupid things and just wants to hurt you because he’s nothing but a dumb fuck!”
“If he’s a dumb fuck, then why do I think everything he’s said is fucking true?!” Gerard cried.
“Gee, I am trying to help you. Please. What has he said to you? If you’re ready” asked Frankie meaningfully. Gerard shook his head quickly as heartfelt tears poured down his face.
“No.” He mumbled.
“Hey, come on” said Frankie as he pulled Gerard to his feet and gave him a warm hug. They both cried into each other. “Hey” Frankie put his hand on Gerard’s pink face, “You’ll be ok” Frankie smiled. “You wanna go for a walk? Get some fresh air?”
“Yeah, sure.” said Gerard.