!01-30-06!: This is the first fiction I ever wrote. Have patience.
I looked at my clock. The bright blue numbers glared at me, saying 2:45 am. I was trying to sleep, but thoughts kept rushing across my mind. I turned over in my bed for the final time. I was staring at the ceiling, fed up with my lack of sleep. I remembered something my mom had taught me when I was younger. I used to have the same problem as I do now. She told me to write it down. I pulled out a notebook and pen from my bed stand and opened it up to a blank page. At first I didn't know what to write; then thoughts started to flow. Wow, I thought, this must be what Joel feels when he really gets going on writing a song...I stopped and re-read what I had already written:
I am now confused. Yes, I, Benjamin Levy Madden, am questioning my sexuality preference. I never had a problem before. Well, not until 9 days ago. I thought I was just like any other "reject" (after all, that IS what I'm labeled as...). That's until I met Paul Anthony Thomas. He is my definition of perfect. I never thought I'd say that about a guy. The jocks call all of the "rejects" fags...so me and Paul joke around and say that we are. We run our hands down each other's arms and talk in gay voices. I thought it was all a joke. Then I started to have mixed feelings. I want to tell Joel, but I don't want him to think I'm a sick bastard then never talk to me again. Why the hell are things always fucked up for me???
I decided that I would tell Joel. Well, at least I'll try to. Tomorrow. I am so confused tonight, I don't know what to do. I had felt satisfied, so I tried to sleep again. This time it was successful.
"WAKE UP KID VICIOUS!!!" I heard someone yell before pouring ice water all over me. To my surprise, it was Paul. Billy was there too. He threw a pillow at my head.
"C'mon Benj, we can't not piss off the teachers and throw firecrackers in the jocks' lockers today!!!" he exclaimed. All of a sudden, Joel appeared from the closet pulling a black hoddie on and then a plain black 'one size fits all' hat.
"Yeah, Benjahole!!! It's the last week of school!!!! We HAVE to raise hell!!!" Joel said. Paul raised a hand to his heart and put on a straight face.
"It is our sworn duty as hell raisers, to do these mischievous deeds!" he said, adding an evil smile and wagging his eyebrows on at the end. I smiled. Yeah, Paul was hot.
"You guys are lucky my spikes have 'water-resistant' shit in them..." I said, getting up out of bed. I walked to the bathroom. After I got done taking a piss, showering, brushing my teeth and putting on make up, I walked back to me and Joel's room. Billy and Joel were sitting on Joel's bed and my heaven sent angel (A/n: yeah, I know, Benji's not this cheesy...but w/e dude) was sitting on my bed. I walked over to our dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers.
"Ooooo!! And we're going with the baby blue and black plaid today!!!" Paul said in an announcers voice. I flicked him off and walked to the closet. I went in and shut the door.
"When, where and how fast?!" Paul called. I smiled. It wouldn't be too bad to try, would it? I'm kidding myself. He would never. I walked out fully dressed in bondage pants and my sleeveless Minor Threat shirt.
"Joel? I need to talk to you." I said.
"Ok Benjahole..." he said getting up and walking with me out into the next room.
"Uh...I don't know how to say this..." I started.
"So just say it." I said. I was trying my hardest to keep my hands off him.
"I uh...I think I'm bi." he said. My heart leapt with happiness. I had a chance! I was about to kiss him, I swear.
"And...? Who or what made you think that?" I asked.
"Well...Paul did." he said. The happiness in me shattered like glass.
"You hate me now don't you?" he asked, sadness all over his face.
"NO! Not at all!" I said, trying to hold back tears.
"What's wrong?" Benji asked me.
"Nothing." I lied. I walked out of the room wiping the tears from my eyes. Luckily no one saw. I didn't know what got me through that day, but I thanked whatever it was. When I got home, I plopped down on my bed. Paul and Billy were coming over in two hours, today sucked monkey ass, and the love of my life, my brother, had a crush on my best friend. What the fuck?! I didn't know what to think. Benji came in our room and sat down next to me on my bed. Oh crap, he's gonna try to cheer me up isn't he??? I thought. Sure enough, he was going to.
"How was your day Joel?" he asked with a big grin on his face. What the fuck do you care??? I thought. I forced a smile.
"GREAT! Yours?" I said. Goddamn I hate this.
"It was AWESOME!!! Me and Paul threw firecrackers at the jocks when they were running track. It was HILARIOUS!!! You should've seen them 'dancing'" he said. He went on talking about stuff he and Paul did that day. He sounded like a fucking school girl. Finally, I said
"Listen Benj, my day was great and all, but very hectic, I'm just gonna take a nap. Ok?" Benji stopped babbling about the All-Mighty Paul and said
"Ok, uh, sleep well dude." I nodded and slid under my covers. Maybe if I went to sleep, this suck ass day would end. How the hell was I gonna put up with this for the rest of my life? Maybe I would tell Benj...nah...he'd hate me forever. I fell asleep to those thoughts and didn't wake up until later...