Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Like A Shadow He Stayed Close, Watching My Every Move
I still have you and you still have me, No matter what you want to believe
It was morning, the suns light beamed through my unclosed curtains as my eyes adjusted to the things that surrounded me. I yawned quietly as I remembered my outburst last night. I wish I didn’t always breakdown like that, But I just cant help it. It’s not right for a 16-year-old boy to have an imaginary friend, or to be more exact an imaginary boyfriend.
I looked over at Gerard; He eyes were calmly shut, looking as if he was in a very happy place, one he never wanted to wake up from. I laid there watching Gerard as he slept, trying to ignore the thoughts running through my exhausted mind.
Eventually Gerard started to stir. He’s eyes slowly flickered opened and he smiled at me noticing that I was staring at him.
“Gerard, I'm sorry about last night,” I whispered trying to hold back tears that were threatening to escape.
“Its okay, you just had a bad night”
“Yeah again” I replied with irritation. Sometimes I just can’t handle it, I can’t deal with the situation. You think that I would just accept everything by now, Accept the fact that my only Friend isn’t real. Well sometimes I can accept that, Sometimes I even forget that Gerard’s not real, But sometimes it just gets to me.
“Frank it’s okay. Your just scared, so am I”
“But Gerard it’s not okay”
Gerard looked at me, He sighed softly lifting one of he’s hands and running it gently through my hair.
“Maybe everything’s not okay, but I still have you and you still have me and that’s all that matters”
I stayed silent for the moment, replaying what Gerard had just said back and forth in my head. I still have you and you still have me. Everything may not be okay, but I still have Gerard. I get so lost in the fact that Gerard isn’t real and shouldn’t be here that I forget that if he left I wouldn’t be able to live on. I love him; I just wish that I could understand why he was still here.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against Gerard’s. I kissed him almost a bit too desperately; seeking reassurance that we still had each other, although Gerard didn’t seem to mind. We stayed like that for a few minutes, our hands urgently wanting to touch and our tongues restlessly roaming in each other’s mouth.
Eventually I broke away, which to Gerard whimpered, tossing sad eyes my way.
“Don’t give me that look, we have to get ready for school,” I stated removing myself from Gerard’s brace and hopping out of bed.
“Oh how exciting. I get to watch you attend classes where creepy old men check you out. Your schools so pedophilic Frankie” Gerard laughed watching me as I undressed.
“Oh those old creepy men turn you on Gee don’t lie” I smirked removing my boxers, the last item of my clothing.
“You are so wrong frank, that is disgusting they do not turn me on. But I can see something right now that’s turning me on” Gerard grinned raising he’s eyebrows and staring at my naked body, one that he has seen many times before.
“You like that bitch? Well to bad because its shower time and no we cant have shower sex, we have no time,” I said heading towards the bathroom door.
“But Frankie, you made me all hard and stuff. I can’t go to school like this” Gerard whined.
I shook my head and laughed, Gerard and he’s stupid excuses about why we have to get ‘dirty’ in the shower and why we cant go to school. It’s not like anybody can even see him, But who am I to say no to that face?
“Okay but hurry the fuck up,” I said opening the door and entering the bathroom, Gerard racing past me.
And to think that one moment were nearly in tears and the next were laughing, were more messed up then we realize.
Frank; 13 Gerard; 14
Frank sat on the front step of he's house. He had been sitting on the step for what seemed like hours, Gerard didn’t understand why Frank was just sitting there.
“Frank what’s wrong seriously? We have been sitting here for hours,” Gerard asked.
“Gerard go away, why wont you leave?” Frank scolded before looking down at he’s feet.
“You know I cant, And you know that I don’t know why! Why cant you just deal with it?”
“Because you’re not fucking real and I don’t want you here. Why cant you just leave me the fuck alone?” Frank yelled he’s eyes still staring at he’s feet.
“I don’t know. You always ask me this; you always lash out at me when it’s not my fucking fault. You’re the one who wanted a friend in the first place, You’re the one who wished me up and you got your fucking wish so its your fault if your not happy with it. Its your fault that I’m still here”
“I hate you” Frank whispered.
Gerard stared at Frank, Not wanting to believe that Frank had just said that. Never before had Frank said that he hated Gerard, yes they always fought but never has Frank said he actually hated Gerard. Of course Frank didn’t seriously mean those words he said, He was just angry because he couldn’t get the answers he so badly needed. But being the sensitive boy Gerard was, He took these words seriously. Tears filled up in Gerard’s eyes as those three words finally sunk in. Gerard sat down on the ground below where Frank was sitting. He pulled he's knees up to he’s chest, buried he’s face in he's hands and then let himself go. He bursted out crying, tears continually falling down he’s face.
This was quite a shock to the both of them, Especially Frank. Never had Frank seen Gerard cry, not even when they were younger when Gerard somehow believed he could fly and jumped off the tree that was in Frank’s backyard. Nope even though there were cuts covering he’s body from the fall, Gerard still didn’t cry he just laughed it off and went back to playing with Frank.
So this was the first time Frank had seen Gerard cry and it kind of broke Franks heart to see this, whether he wanted to admit it or not. He made Gerard cry, the boy who has been there for him for the past eight years, the boy who had been he’s one and only friend. But no matter how much Frank wanted to run up and hold Gerard in he’s arms and tell him that he was sorry, He didn’t because he was scared. Scared of the things he didn’t understand and he wasn’t ready to run up to Gerard and pretend that everything was okay, because in reality everything wasn’t okay and it wasn’t just the fact that Franks imaginary Friend wouldn’t leave it was also something else. Something that had made Frank terrified.
Days had past, Frank hadn’t said a word to Gerard since he last said those three words that burned holes in Gerard’s heart. Gerard hadn’t considered to say anything to Frank either, he was still extremely upset over what Frank had said and honestly he didn’t know why he cared this much.
It was the 5th night of silence between the two boys. Frank laid on he’s bed trying to get to sleep, but the tension between him and Gerard was starting to really hurt. Gerard who laid next to Frank on the bed, was also struggling to get to sleep, Gerard’s heart ached for Frank to take back those words that had made Gerard so miserable. Frank opened he’s eyes knowing that it was hopeless, he definitely wasn’t getting to sleep unless he made things right between him and he’s best friend. Gerard was staring at Frank, watching he’s every move, begging for forgiveness with he’s eyes. Frank sighed and knew it was time.
Frank slightly raised he's head and moved himself closer to Gerard. He let he’s face hang just millimetres away from Gerard’s, he’s eyes meeting Gerard’s directly both of them searching for answers in each others eyes. Frank lowered he’s head letting he’s lips touch Gerard’s, closed he's eyes then kissed him gently. As soon as Frank’s lips hit Gerard’s, Gerard realized that nothing had ever felt more right. Gerard could feel he’s heart speeding up, beating as if it was about to explode. Frank gently broke the kiss and rested he’s head on Gerard’s chest.
“ I love you”
Gerard smiled and wrapped he’s arms around Frank’s body.
“I love you too” Gerard replied before closing he’s eyes and drifting off to sleep. Frank now at ease, closed he’s eyes and soon enough also fell asleep. But the best part about it was for the first time in a long time; it didn’t matter that Frank didn’t understand why and how Gerard was still here, it didn’t matter that if Frank told anyone about Gerard they would say Frank was crazy and send him away to some place were they would make Frank believe he was ‘sick’, It didn’t matter about any of that. The only thing that mattered right now was the fact that Frank fell asleep in the arms of Gerard, He’s Gerard.
Questions? Confused. Just ask me and I shall hopefully be able answer your inquiries.
Also just so you know, That was the first time Frank said he loved Gerard and the first time Gerard said he loved Frank,
It's an important flashback.