Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Look Around If You're Guilty
When we got back to the flat the tension was thick in the air. Though nothing had been said we both knew something had changed between us.
“Do you want to watch a film or something?” Gerard asked, trying to relieve the pressure.
“Sure,” I agreed, eager to have some distraction.
It seemed like a good film; vampires and zombies, the sort of thing I was usually really into, but I couldn’t concentrate. Instead my eyes kept slipping back to Gerard, studying his perfect features over and over again. I could still taste him in my mouth; still feel his lips against mine. Suddenly he turned towards me.
“Why do keep looking at me?” he asked playfully. I blushed a deep red, glad of the dark room. Because I love you, my heart screamed silently.
“Because you’re beautiful.” It had just slipped out; I hadn’t meant to say it. Fuck. He was going to be seriously scared now. Instead he just smiled and turned back to the film.
I kept my eyes firmly glued on the screen for the next hours. Not even the gruesome deaths could break my strict concentration. Then soon enough there was the classic romance scene: boy declares undying love for girl who falls into his arms and lives happily ever after. If only life were so simple. I couldn’t help glancing at Gerard and was surprised to see him staring right back at me. Instead of looking away I held his gaze, losing myself in his bright hazel eyes. I was so absorbed I hardly noticed him moving towards me, until finally his lips met mine and I was back in heaven. This time there was no policeman waiting upstairs, no places we had to be, no distractions from the side. He gently licked my lips until I parted them to let his tongue explore my mouth once more. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, just as I’d always longed to as he held me close to him.
Suddenly I knew I wanted more than this; I moved my hands and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. I ran my fingers over his smooth chest, remembering that time not so long ago when I’d been dreaming of this moment. He gently tugged off my t-shirt, then pressed his body to mine making me shiver with desire for him. I fumbled around the buttons of his jeans until I managed to undo it and let the garment slide off his flawless legs. I was almost guiltily pleased to feel his hardness as my hand passed over that area. Before he returned the favour he took his mouth off mine for a moment and moved a little back.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked sincerely. I nodded. I didn’t know why he was going along with this, but I sure as hell didn’t want him to stop. Of course he didn’t love me, I didn’t even try to fool myself, but fuck that. Passion had taken over and right then, I honestly didn’t give a shit. He grinned at me, then pulled me back to him and continued where we’d left off…
*
The next morning I woke up confused and disorientated. I felt a warm body stir beside me and suddenly everything came flooding back. I propped myself up on one elbow and smiled as I saw Gerard’s sweet face. He mumbled something in his sleep and moved around a little but didn’t open his eyes. I gently ran my index dinger across his soft lips, tracing the shape I knew so well.
“I love you Gee,” I whispered as a melancholy mood began to fill me. Last night had been incredible, but I realised I needed more that his passion – I craved his love.
As I began to move away I felt a hand touch my arm. Bright intelligent eyes stared at me tenderly.
“I love you too.” He had been awake… he had heard me… he must hate me… He loves me? Could this be real, or was it my mind playing tricks on me again? But a warm mouth suddenly on mine certainly wasn’t fantasy. He loved me. He actually loved me. My heart felt like it was about to burst it was so full. He broke the kiss for a moment and looked me in the eye.
“You think last night would have happened with just anyone?” he asked. I didn’t want to sound like I was accusing him of sleeping around, but I had assumed he, like most popular boys, slept with his friends – and in his case guys were no different from girls. I should have known he wasn’t like that.
“You really love me?” I asked, still unable to believe it. He grinned that gorgeous grin of his.
“I think I’ve loved you since the day Mikey first pulled you through that door looking like you belonged in a hospital, not my living room.” I smiled faintly at the memory, still dizzy from his wonderful confession.
He kissed me lightly on the lips; it wasn’t the fire of lat night, more sweet and simple, just a moment of ‘I love you’. In his warm embrace I could forget everything and lose myself in his perfection. In his arms I had finally found where I truly belonged.
“Do you want to watch a film or something?” Gerard asked, trying to relieve the pressure.
“Sure,” I agreed, eager to have some distraction.
It seemed like a good film; vampires and zombies, the sort of thing I was usually really into, but I couldn’t concentrate. Instead my eyes kept slipping back to Gerard, studying his perfect features over and over again. I could still taste him in my mouth; still feel his lips against mine. Suddenly he turned towards me.
“Why do keep looking at me?” he asked playfully. I blushed a deep red, glad of the dark room. Because I love you, my heart screamed silently.
“Because you’re beautiful.” It had just slipped out; I hadn’t meant to say it. Fuck. He was going to be seriously scared now. Instead he just smiled and turned back to the film.
I kept my eyes firmly glued on the screen for the next hours. Not even the gruesome deaths could break my strict concentration. Then soon enough there was the classic romance scene: boy declares undying love for girl who falls into his arms and lives happily ever after. If only life were so simple. I couldn’t help glancing at Gerard and was surprised to see him staring right back at me. Instead of looking away I held his gaze, losing myself in his bright hazel eyes. I was so absorbed I hardly noticed him moving towards me, until finally his lips met mine and I was back in heaven. This time there was no policeman waiting upstairs, no places we had to be, no distractions from the side. He gently licked my lips until I parted them to let his tongue explore my mouth once more. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, just as I’d always longed to as he held me close to him.
Suddenly I knew I wanted more than this; I moved my hands and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. I ran my fingers over his smooth chest, remembering that time not so long ago when I’d been dreaming of this moment. He gently tugged off my t-shirt, then pressed his body to mine making me shiver with desire for him. I fumbled around the buttons of his jeans until I managed to undo it and let the garment slide off his flawless legs. I was almost guiltily pleased to feel his hardness as my hand passed over that area. Before he returned the favour he took his mouth off mine for a moment and moved a little back.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked sincerely. I nodded. I didn’t know why he was going along with this, but I sure as hell didn’t want him to stop. Of course he didn’t love me, I didn’t even try to fool myself, but fuck that. Passion had taken over and right then, I honestly didn’t give a shit. He grinned at me, then pulled me back to him and continued where we’d left off…
*
The next morning I woke up confused and disorientated. I felt a warm body stir beside me and suddenly everything came flooding back. I propped myself up on one elbow and smiled as I saw Gerard’s sweet face. He mumbled something in his sleep and moved around a little but didn’t open his eyes. I gently ran my index dinger across his soft lips, tracing the shape I knew so well.
“I love you Gee,” I whispered as a melancholy mood began to fill me. Last night had been incredible, but I realised I needed more that his passion – I craved his love.
As I began to move away I felt a hand touch my arm. Bright intelligent eyes stared at me tenderly.
“I love you too.” He had been awake… he had heard me… he must hate me… He loves me? Could this be real, or was it my mind playing tricks on me again? But a warm mouth suddenly on mine certainly wasn’t fantasy. He loved me. He actually loved me. My heart felt like it was about to burst it was so full. He broke the kiss for a moment and looked me in the eye.
“You think last night would have happened with just anyone?” he asked. I didn’t want to sound like I was accusing him of sleeping around, but I had assumed he, like most popular boys, slept with his friends – and in his case guys were no different from girls. I should have known he wasn’t like that.
“You really love me?” I asked, still unable to believe it. He grinned that gorgeous grin of his.
“I think I’ve loved you since the day Mikey first pulled you through that door looking like you belonged in a hospital, not my living room.” I smiled faintly at the memory, still dizzy from his wonderful confession.
He kissed me lightly on the lips; it wasn’t the fire of lat night, more sweet and simple, just a moment of ‘I love you’. In his warm embrace I could forget everything and lose myself in his perfection. In his arms I had finally found where I truly belonged.
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