I looked at myself in the mirror. Why did I let things with Pete actually happen last night? All I am doing is making life harder on myself. I hopped into the shower and washed myself clean of the alcohol and smoke from last night's bar. I brushed my wet hair and walked into the room with a towel around myself. Patrick woke up as I was searching for something to wear.
"Bow chica wow wow!" Patrick teased. I threw a shoe at him.
"Shut up Stumpy," I laughed. Well, I was standing here in a towel. "So did you sleep well?"
"Very well actually."
"Well that's good, because you slept through Pete kissing me AGAIN!" I stated.
"What?" He looked angry. "What the hell is his deal? He can't just go around kissing you both! He's really digging himself a deep hole and I won't pull him out of it." I have never seen Patrick this mad. He put on his shoes, glasses and hat. "I'm gonna go shower at my room, thanks for letting me sleep here Hayden. I'll see you at the interview?"
I nodded and Patrick left. I hope he doesn't tell Pete what I've told him. I would be a little embarrassed to be completely honest. I am telling people how he cheats on Ashlee with me. Then again, why am I the one who is ashamed?
After getting ready for the day, I decided to make my way to Pete's room to see what he wanted to "talk" about with me. I was about to knock on the door when I heard Patrick yelling. I pressed my eager ear to the door to listen. I knew that I was involved!
"Pete you can't just mess with Hayden's head like that! And you made a commitment to Ashlee. You know that what you are doing is wrong."
"Of course I know this Patrick. I am so ashamed of my behavior, but I can't help it. All I think about is Hayden, but things are so complicated with Ashlee that I can't just leave her."
"How is it complicated? It's not like you guys are married?"
"I know, but I mean, we've been together so long, and maybe I'm scared of starting something new, but..."
"No buts Pete. Make your decision and do it without cheating on Ashlee. I refuse to let you play games with Hayden's heart. It hurts me to see you hurt her."
"I'm hurting her?" Pete's voice was a little softer when Patrick told him this.
"Yes Pete, and I have feelings for Hayden. She doesn't know how I feel and she confides in me about what goes on with you two. She asked me not to say anything, but I refuse to let you break her heart."
"Patrick, if I had known that you felt that way about Hay..."
"Pete, forget about it. She sees me as a brother and I understand that. It's just not meant to be. I will get over it, I just want her to be happy. But if you hurt her then you better believe I will hurt you."
WHAT!!!!! Stumpy has feelings for me? I feel so awkward and bad now! But he is too sweet! He cares about me more than I ever would have known. I feel guilty listening now. I walked as quickly as I could back to my room. I didn't want to hear anymore. I will pretend that I heard none of that.
So I spent the rest of the day trying to act normal. Pete barely said a word to me and Patrick acted as if nothing happened. Wish I could be just as nonchalant with the situation. It's been about a week since that all went down. I am laying in my bunk on my laptop on the "messy" bus. Joe and I just finished a Tony Hawk battle and I am actually improving! He said I was actually competition! YAY!
I am sending IMs with Patrick. I decided to ignore the fact that he likes me and just go back to being his friend.
STstumpy:andy is trying to get me to eat vegan food i am scared!
Hydn84: haha well poor poor you!
STstumpy: seriously! save me!
Hydn84: wish i could, but i'm not on that bus. just try it
STstumpy: you try it
Hydn84: it cant be that bad
STstumpy: oh it is, a fat boy needs his REAL food
Hydn84: shut up stumpy you arent fat
STstumpy: nicely plump?
Hydn84: fine! :p
Pete popped his head inside my bunk.
"Hey," he said. He had a serious look on his face.
"Hey Pete, what's up?" I told Patrick BRB and turned my full attention to Pete.
"Can I talk to you about something?" He looked nervous. I nodded and informed Patrick that I had to go. I followed Pete to the back of the bus and he shut the door behind me. Oh man, he wasn't going to kiss me again was he? I cried one night because I felt like he had been toying with my head. I don't want that to happen again.
"I am so so sorry for not paying much attention to you lately, it's just that, things are so complicated with Ashlee and"
"Pete, I really don't want to hear about you and Ashlee. It's obvious that you want to be with her and not me. I get it." I said and he started shaking his head.
"No no no, that's not it at all. Look Hayden, I have been trying to break it off since the tour started. No one seems to realize this. I tried to break up with her again on St Patrick's day and you know what she informed me. She said that she was 2 months pregnant."
My eyes must have popped out of my head and I went delusional. I think he said Ashlee was pregnant.
"She's um, what now?" I need clarification.
"She's pregnant, or at least she said she was and she started crying. I don't know if I should believe her. I mean, we ALWAYS use..."
"Ok TMI Peter," I said. I didn't want to think of them together like that. It made me nauseous.
"Sorry, but I told her to go to the doctor and she claimed she has. I am waiting for some sort of proof. I mean, she drank that night. What mother drinks?"
"Yea, no shit. A very very bad or stupid one. Or a lying one."
"My point exactly," Pete sat next to me. "Look, I can't stop thinking about you Hayden. Being around you every day and not being able to kiss you drives me insane. Not kissing you right now is killing me. I promised Patrick I wouldn't mess with your head anymore and I don't want to. I just need to know if you feel the same way." Did a man just bare his soul to me? Holy shit. I am speechless.
"Pete I... I can't handle knowing that I can't be with you, ever. I keep trying to forget about my feelings, but then you would go and do something like kiss me and bring me right back." Pete started to lean in, then he pulled back and I don't know why I did it. I grabbed the back on his head and pressed my lips to his. He welcomed my kiss and pulled me closer to him. He leaned into me and we fell back onto the bed and our hands were everywhere. God I wanted him.
I think Pete read my mind because he began to undo his pants and I eargerly went for mine. Pete pushed his pants around his ankles and reached for his boxer briefs when Joe waltzed in.
"WHOA!" He immediately ran back out and Pete and I scrambled to return our clothes to their previous state. I began to giggle. I've never been walked in on before. Pete started to laugh too.
"So... think he'll keep his mouth shut?" I asked. Pete shrugged.
"He'll probably give me shit all the time for it and that's about all." We sat on the the edge of the bed in silence for a minute. Both of us were thinking the same thing.
"So, we probably can't stay back here forever, who's going first?" I said. Pete laughed nervously.
"I'll go. I should probably talk to him anyways." Pete stood up and left the back and sat on the couch next to Joe and I crawled into my bunk to hide. What do we do now? Ashlee claims to be pregnant and it's obvious that Pete wants to leave her. It seems like he wants to be with me, but I'm not too sure of what the hell is going on. GOD HELP ME!