It didn't take her much time to finally find Gerard's room and, fortunately for her, it wasn't locked so she found her way in and rested on one of the chairs.
It was a normal sized room, with all the necessary equipment for his concert; his numerous black shirts, jackets, not to forget the black eyeliner, papers with his drawings on it and, most importantly, the half empty Starbucks cups of coffee.
Once again, the unusual feeling she's been having lately came back to her. The unexplainable existence of some sort of a black hole in her that she can't seem to 'reach' to define what it stands for her.
"And it's not even raining." She mumbled to herself surprised that she felt it at a moment like this when, in her belief, she only feels that way when it rains.
Her mind then got drifted away with the thoughts of what had happened a few minutes ago.. She was on stage with 'My Chemical Romance'. She started to remember what Gerard had said, then the faces and reactions of the fans.
Time elapsed as Lynn just sat and waited for the concert to be over so that she'd be able to finally get her answers from Gerard, but it was late and Gerard hadn't come yet.
Eventually deciding to try and check out what was going on outside, Lynn's cell phone rang just as she had slightly opened the door to go out.
She looked at the ID to see it was Karen - her best friend from back home.
"Hey!!" Lynn exclaimed with happiness re-shutting the door, choosing to stay in.
"Oh my god! Lynn, you won't believe this!" Karen sounded so panicked.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Ok...Ok..." Karen replied, trying to calm herself down.
"What's going on?" Lynn was kept asking.
"You better sit down." Karen replied.
"Just TELL ME!" Lynn accidentally raised her voice. She was already stressed out because of the problems she actually knew about, she wasn’t really ready for a new one to pop out, out of nowhere.
"Mr. Stanly is a criminal Lynn, I can see it on TV right now, and he’s wanted! Stay away from him Lynn!!" Karen finally avowed as Lynn's simple reply was:
"Oh? Is that it? Your uncle murdered some chick and you're all like, is oh?" Karen snapped, surprised with Lynn's calm reaction.
"I already found out about that, good thing is that no new problem has occurred now." Lynn answered, trying to stay somewhat positive about the whole thing.
"Oh, but I didn't get to the part that I really wanted to tell you about, ever since you left to work with My Chemical Romance." Karen added as Lynn just sat back on the chair thinking it was one of Karen's 'crazy moments'.
"Yeah? What did you want to tell me?" Lynn asked as Karen didn't take the time to add:
"Ok this might sound weird at first but if you try to think about it, you'll believe me" Karen paused as Lynn just kept quiet; waiting to see what was Karen going for.
A couple of seconds later, Karen started explaining: "You remember, 2 days before you left to work for MCR, where you were?"
"You mean when I was at the hospital?" Lynn answered waiting for Karen to go on.
"Do you know why you were there?" Karen then asked.
"Of course! I had a really bad flu!" Lynn replied starting to feel a bit weird.
"Do you remember them taking you to that hospital?" Karen kept questioning.
"No actually, probably because I was so sick, I forgot all about it, but Stan said my flu got so bad they had to move me to the hospital." Lynn explained.
"Uh huh!" Karen added to be interrupted: "What does that have to do with anything? I feel like I'm in some police investigation here."
"No that's just to show you that the flu wasn't the reason why one day you woke up finding yourself in a hospital bed." Karen said hearing Lynn's small giggles.
"I'm not kidding!" Karen then exclaimed!
"Why did I find myself in the hospital that day then?" Lynn asked still finding this whole thing rather funny.
"You had a car accident!!!" Karen almost shouted.
"Karen, seriously, are you drunk or something? I never had a car accident you idiot!" Lynn replied frowning.
"You did!! You just don't remember because it caused you a loss of memory of the past year of your life!" Karen added.
"Uh, shut up!" Lynn answered unwilling to believe.
"I'm serious Lynn! You've been in an accident! A really, really similar one to your parents'" Karen went on talking.
"Hey don't bring my parents into your little joke!" Lynn started to get angry.
"You stayed in a coma for 2 weeks and meanwhile your uncle convinced me that it was best if you didn't know about this whole thing right away so I didn't tell you." Karen continued.
"Whatever, Karen." Lynn mumbled.
"But now that I found out that your uncle isn't a man with good intentions I just had to tell you!" Karen added.
"And you're Queen Elizabeth." Lynn said.
"I'm just surprised how you didn't find out about it from the news dates or something, you probably haven't checked the date." Karen finally said.
"Actually, Brian tried to tell me before that I had set the dates wrong in the reports I had sent him, but I never gave it much attention." Lynn replied.
"You see, you believe me now?" Karen asked to get no reply from Lynn this time.
"Hello?" Karen added. "Lynn?"
"Shit." Lynn finally said after a few seconds had passed. "I might be crazy for believing this but you could be right!"
"Why the hell would I lie about such a thing?" Karen said as Lynn added: "Is this why, when you called before, you said happy 23rd? And I argued telling you I turned 22? I didn't even know what day it was."
"Yeah...We celebrated your 22nd birthday last year, it was an awesome party, too bad you forgot all about it." Karen replied.
"NO!" Lynn suddenly snapped! "This couldn't be!"
"What? I thought it just made sense to you and why would I..." Karen was about to go on to be interrupted by Lynn almost yelling: "You can't just pop up one day and tell me I've lost memory of the past year of my life! That means that right NOW, I have complete no idea what had happened with me a year before! This does NOT make sense! I'm not a fucking idiot!"
"Wait. Lynn, I'm only trying to help here, why would I lie such a terrible lie to you!" Karen added trying not to get her upset but Lynn couldn't accept the truth, she just got angrier and couldn't take it anymore, which got her to end the conversation: "I have to go now BYE!"
She hung up on Karen so that she'd hear nothing more of what she had just been told.
This conversation is one of the things I'd love to forget! She thought to herself trying to take a deep breath to regain her senses.
"What?" A voice was heard saying.
"What?" Lynn said turning to the door to see Mikey was standing there.
"Did you say something?" Mikey asked getting in.
"No..." Lynn replied looking at him weirdly.
"It could be the voices in your head." Added Ray walking in right after him, heading to the small closet there.
"Hey, shut up." Mikey added following him.
"What's going on?" Lynn asked finding this whole situation rather odd.
"Oh we're just getting Gerard's stuff." Mikey replied gathering his shirts.
"Why?" Lynn asked to then explain: "I mean, why wouldn't he be getting them himself?"
"Why are you in his room anyway?" Ray asked searching through the closet.
"I...I wanted to talk to him..." Lynn answered having an unexplainable sudden rush of sad feelings, as if she knew something bad has happened.
"Yeah too bad you can't now." Ray answered formally, heading out with Gerard's things.
"What does that mean?” She asked for explanation.
"Lynn." Mikey then said approaching her. "They took my brother away." He added taking a seat next to her.
"What? No..." She said unable to believe. "What do you mean?"
"He called the cops and told them all about the drug deal and Stan so as soon as the concert was over they arrested him along with your uncle." Mikey explained looking at the ground.
"You...You know about all this? The drug deal and all?" Lynn asked as Mikey just nodded saying: "He's my brother, I know almost everything about him."
"Oh, Mikey!" Lynn then said with sadness, giving him a hug. "I don't understand why Gerard would do such a thing!" She then added, on the verge of crying.
"I do.." Mikey then said.
"You know why he handed himself in?" Lynn asked, breaking the hug, trying to make sure that she heard him right.
"Yeah.." Mikey added. "For you..And I know it for a fact!" He explained.
"For me? What are you talking about!" Lynn said trying to get some explanation.
"I'm not supposed to tell you this, I promised him not to say.." Mikey said strictly.
"Tell me, please, I'm still trying to figure out if I had lost a year of memory! I'm not in the mood for any more secrets now!" She declared hoping she'd get some answers.
"You knew about that!!" Mikey said rounding his eyes with surprise.
"My memory loss? Don't tell me you know about it too, that would mean it's true." Lynn said feeling the fear inside of her growing.
"It is..." Mikey said with confidence causing her to react by suddenly covering her face with her hand... as if she didn't want to know it was true.
"That is just too much for one day!" She said shaking her head in refusal of the whole thing.
"You said he did it for me?" She then asked.
"I'm not allowed to say more!" Mikey said determined on not telling her what was going on.
She didn't argue him this time, nor did she try to yell and shout; she just took a moment to think, to remember what she's been through those past couple of days.
"Mikey..." She then said looking at him sitting there next to her, doing nothing but looking back at her with empty eyes. He had the right to be sad too, after all, Gerard is his brother.
"You need to tell me so we can try to help him, maybe get him out of prison." She added trying to desperately make him tell her.
"I can't tell you, I promised." Mikey replied.
"Ok...Let's try this..." She mumbled to then snap: "Your brother is going to jail!! He might be locked up there for the rest of his life! The least you can do is tell me what the hell is going on!! What matters more, Mikey? The promise that you made? Or your brother?"
"So..?" She added waiting for an answer but it went in vain; he was just so willing to do what Gerard had told him.
"You said he did it for me..." Lynn then said determined not to give up, taking another moment to think.
"He might do that to....Get Stan out of the way? That way Stan goes to prison too?" She concluded turning to look at Mikey again, as if to ask him if it was true.
Mikey nodded mumbling: "Kind of.."
"Why would he do it though? He barely knows me... Why would he do such a thing for me?" She then questioned as Mikey didn't reply, not even tried to, just left her to think it through on her own.
"Ahh, shit!!" She then said raising her voice.
"What?" Mikey asked.
"My head!!!" She added resting it in both of her hands. "Shit!" She repeated, her face becoming red as she started to press on it, trying to stop the pain she was feeling.
"Are you okay?" Mikey asked leaning towards her, trying to take a closer look.
"What...What the hell is this!!" She added sounding rather confused. "Shit!" She repeated that same word.
"The doctor said that you might have this reaction when we tell you about what happened." Mikey explained.
"Shit! This isn't happening!" She stood up, trying to get to the window for some air, bumping into the chairs and stuff on the floor, on her way there.
Mikey followed her and stood right behind her to say: "He said you might have flashbacks."
She still had both of her hands covering her ears, only this time it wasn't as tight as before, as if she was trying to concentrate.
She then went quiet for a while, no tossing the word 'shit' out, no yelling and most importantly no longer nervous; just looking out the window.
"What did you see?" Mikey asked.
"I know you." She replied almost whispering, turning to look his way.
"I know..." Mikey frowned.
"No, I mean, I really know you." She added. "Have we met before?" She then asked stepping closer to him with a weird look in her eyes. "Before I came to work with you..." She explained waiting for him to reply.
"I'm not allowed to say!" Was all what Mikey managed to say.
"We have, haven't we..." She concluded trying to analyze her situation.
"I'm not a..." Mikey was about to repeat the same sentence as she interrupted: "Oh, for god's sake Mikey, please, help me out here!"
He looked at her sympathetically adding: "I want to tell you but..."
"Please, you don't have to tell me about Gerard's part, just tell me the things I need to know." She said feeling somewhat weak. "I don't know where I belong, Mikey." She then added.
"Gerard is going to kill me." Mikey mumbled taking a deep breath to add: "Yeah, we know each other well..." Mikey paused, sounding 'serious' for the first time.
"I even know the doctor who treated you while you were in coma. Gerard used to drag me with him to visit him and get everyday updates about your condition." Mikey then explained.
"I know Gerard too then.." She said perceiving the situation.
Mikey nodded trying not to add any more, feeling like he said too much already.
"What about Frank? Bob? Ray? Do I know the rest?" She questioned him.
"No...J-Just us. Gerard and me." Mikey replied beaming a little as if he was just introducing himself to her.
"Hmmm..." She said softly. "That explains all those things he knows about me..."
"What?" Mikey added confused.
"He knew my favorite drink, he knew that hot chocolate relaxes me, he also knew that I don't sleep in the dark...That if I wake up in the middle of the night I'd be going for a cup of water..." She said, remembering it all.
"He must know me really well too..." She went on thinking.
"We knew each other really well didn't we? Like, did he care about me?" She then asked.
"Well, I mean, yeah, in a way..." Mikey said. "You'll find out about everything later..." He added trying not to have her force him into telling her more.
"Later?" She repeated after him. "I still think I'm dreaming so I want to know now, before I wake up."
"That doesn't make sense..." Mikey said as Lynn nodded adding: "Neither does my head, at the moment."
"Hello." A voice coming from the door, interrupted their conversation; making Mikey have a sudden turn towards it, stumbling with the chair, almost hitting the floor.
"Hi, I'm Christopher Edwards." The man, with the long dark coat, standing at the door said. "I am Mr. Way's Lawyer." He added coming in.
“What are you doing here!” Mikey said, straightening himself up.
"I’m sorry.” Christopher apologized. “I am here on the behalf of Gerard Way.” He added.
"You must be Lynn." The attorney then said looking at her. "I ran into Mr. Toro outside and he said I'd find you here." He explained.
“Why? I mean, what could you possibly want from me?” Lynn asked, finding herself in a rather odd situation.
“Gerard specifically asked me to hand you this paper in person.” The attorney explained reaching out for a folded paper from his case.
“Is there something I should do?” She asked unable to understand what this was all about.
“I don’t know, he just asked me to hand you this.” He replied reaching a card from his upper jacket pocket to then give it to her and add: “That’s my number in case you needed anything. Gerard did ask everyone to treat you as if you were him.” The attorney explained.
She took it, staring at its contents without actually reading it, as if her mind was drifted away with thoughts she even stopped listening to him.
“I’m going to have to go work on his case now.” Christopher added heading out.
“Wait…” Mikey shouted out, following him outside.
“What’s Gerard’s condition? Are you going to be able to get him out of this?” Was the last thing Lynn was able to hear Mikey say before the attorney shut the door behind them, leaving her inside, as if he didn’t want her to hear what he was about to tell Mikey.
She was, once again, left with a letter from Gerard. She was afraid of opening it, feeling her heart race for simply trying to think of what it might contain. Not only did it have the true story behind all those lies, this letter could also have the truth about herself, and who she really is.
Lynn eventually found the courage to unfold it and start reading from the very first sentence:
By the time you’d be reading this, I’ll already be behind bars.
If it was up to me, I’d never let you know, but you’re going to find out eventually…
I told you that I knew you through Stanley’s stories about you.
The only part that I lied about here was Stanley. He wasn’t really there when we were enjoying every moment of those ‘stories’.
It was true; we spent each and every second we could, together.
And it was worth the deepest secrets, the biggest fears and even the happy thoughts that we shared; we were really comfortable with each other’s company, I could call us best of friends.
I told you that the picture was fake, that it was photoshoped.
I lied. Actually, it was you and me… That was when those best friends’ emotions couldn’t be hidden anymore; you had my heart.
The picture was taken by Eliza. My other best friend.
We were all at Starbucks, celebrating your engagement to me.
You see, I wanted it to be so special, I had to ‘pay’ for your uncle to have you see your mother’s engagement ring waiting, as I knelt in front of you asking you to be Ms Way.
One thing you should know about our relationship is that… I would do anything for you.
You have forgotten about all of this now. That car accident wasn’t easy for you to recover from and it wasn’t easy for me to seize its consequences.
Although I spent my day working with the band and my nights next to your hospital bed, I had to disappear in the end, when you first opened your eyes.
It had to be normal. The way it was one year ago, when I wasn’t in your life.
Maybe you didn’t think of the difference because of the memory loss, but I’m sure you felt it.
Even though Stanley hesitated a lot before he sent you to work with us, he finally did it, not because he wanted to, but because he was obliged.
I wanted to make sure you were safe, so I threatened of handing him in to the cops if he didn’t send you back to me.
Protecting you was all that mattered.
I had to keep you as close to me as possible, so I had to keep threatening Stanley so he wouldn’t force you to come back.
Until he became a danger to you, that’s when I decided to hand myself in, reporting him too.
Earlier today, Frank asked me whether I knew what ‘love’ was.
He said that you asked him the same question and he couldn’t answer you.
I gave him a really short answer; one word to what it is to me. Sacrifice.
I just want you to know that you are always going to be my everything, even if that ‘story’ is over now and I am always going to love you, you know.
But you are strong! You can do this! Move on and build yourself a new life.
Be happy and never let anyone get you! You are free honey, Stanley is locked up along with everyone else that could’ve caused you pain.
Frank and the new girl will explain the rest to you.
I’m going to end this with what I’ve been dying to tell you ever since you got out of coma…
I’ve missed you…
By the time she was done reading, her tears had already left their stains on the paper in her hands.
She was crying her heart out, in silence.
She might have forgotten about it but her feelings have an explanation to them now. She knew then, that her heart was actually yearning for Gerard to be with her again, as it just left her with a painful ache.
She even found the explanation of that feeling of emptiness inside of her that she used to get from time to time. The emptiness caused by the loss of a part of her life, the sudden loss of emotions and tenderness she used to receive from Gerard; as if she had broken up with him without even coming to know about it. Simply feeling its existence.
This was why Gerard dragged her on stage with him in the first place.
All he wanted, in the end, was to protect her. And as he knew he was going to jail, he didn’t find any better way but to put her in the hands of all the people who loved him out there, his fans.
Through all the tears and sorrow she was drowned in, as she sat in his backstage room, surrounded by everything reminding her of him, she couldn’t help but ask herself the same question over and over again of…Why he had to lie to her about everything in the first place.
It was tricky, and she knew he didn’t tell her everything in that letter, just like he didn’t in the first one.
She just had a lot to figure out; she still needed more explanation of why Gerard decided not to tell her about them, or what happened to her.