Barely coping on and offstage, Gerard goes on another binge.
I squinted out into the crowd, barely able to see past bright house lights. I took a deep breathe and belted out the closing lines of the song I was singing
“And I just can't stay, one day we'll run away!” I swallowed and curtsied as a new song started. I went blank for a second, thinking of how much I wanted a beer, almost forgetting my cue, till I looked over at Frankie, who was looking down, playing calmly.
“In the middle of a gunfight…”
I could barely hear myself over the thousand screaming fans singing along with me. I grinned as the song flew by, I crept closer and closer to Frank, till…
“Nobody cares if you’re losing yourself, am I losing myself?” I edged closer, till I was behind him. I bent forward and licked his neck, and he turned his head and kissed me full on the mouth, and then it was over. “Aw Nobody knows, all the trouble I seen!” I screamed, running back to centre stage, my mind still on the kiss. We do this all the time, and every time my heart races and I blush and lose my composure. I giggled into the mic as the song ends “We are My Chemical Romance. Thank you, New York. You’ve been fucking Great.” I walked offstage with the others to our dressing room, where as usual everyone talked about the show. I walked to the fridge and pulled out a 6 pack of beer and sat down with it, laughing along with everyone else, and drinking. Frankie walked past me to the bathroom, and I grabbed his jacket “Good show, Frankie.” I said, as non-drunkenly as I possibly could. He smiled weakly and continued walking. He thinks I’m stupid. They all do. I can see it in their eyes. They pity me. And I fucking hate it. I stood up and announced I was going back to the hotel, and walked out to where our limo was. I got in, and it drove me to our hotel (I had a few champers on the way. Why not, it was free…) I made my way to the bottom floor and to the hotel bar, where I found myself a stool and ordered a scotch. I put it down in no time, thinking to myself about the look in Frankie’s eyes when he saw me. The disappointment. And Mikey too. All of them. I shook my head and ordered another. I downed it, then another, another… Until I heard a familiar voice and a familiar touch, taking me by the arm to a car, speaking kind words. I tried to gather some words together before saying “Frankie, you hate me, don’t you?” Pathetically, almost in a whisper. He looked down at me from where I was hunched in the back seat and shook his head. “Gee, that’s where you’re so wrong. I love you, but I can’t help you unless you help yourself first.” His eyes were all shiny. Why? I thought. I watched him for a while, he looked sad, until I fell asleep.
When the car pulled up in the swanky hotel car park, I gently woke up Gerard, who rambled something about not wanting people to feel sorry for him. I soothed him as best as I could, walking him up to our room, supporting his slender frame with my own. When we got to the room I lay him down in bed and wearily made my way to the bathroom, to have a quick shower and change. When I was done I walked out, in boxers and an old shirt, passing a sleeping Gerard. I stopped and looked at him a while. He was right though, I did feel sorry. Sorry that he felt he had to do this to himself. Sorry he feels he isn’t good enough. Because he is. He’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever known, and if he could take a minute break from feeling sorry for himself and jumping to the easiest option before considering the other ones, he’d realise that. I sighed, bent over and kissed his cheek softly, then walked over to my bed, and tried to fall asleep.
Yeah, so reviews please
Is this worth continuing?