I am outside,
And I've been waiting for the sun.
With my wide eyes,
I've seen worlds that don't belong.
My mouth is dry,
With words I cannot verbalize.
Tell me why
We live like this.
We are broken - Paramore
For hours and hours all I heard was the crashing sound the balls of ice as I made them crash into the wall or directly into each other, and the sound of their tiny pieces falling to the ground.
Three days had passed since Alyssa explained how she had escaped from the Ruins, and things were pretty much back to normal around here for most people. Her wounds were curing, her limp had almost disappeared, and face looked much healthier than it had the day she dragged herself to Gerard.
As for Gerard... well, we hadn't spoken aword to each other that wasn't a simple "hello". I decided it was best to just leave him alone. Alyssa was back, and before she was gone they were going to get married. I didn't know if they're still thinking about going ahead with it, but I didn't want to put anymore pressure on the guy. I knew all the things he's been through, and the last thing he needed was something else to worry about. So, at least until things passed over... I'd just... leave him be.
I had spent most of these three days in the training room with Kat. Yesterday we had a training fight which ended in a draw when a ball of ice I hadn't seen hit me on the head - which is where they always seemed directed - and she slipped on the tiny pieces of her own ice that I had destroyed and that were covering the floor. We laughed for a long time about it. It felt good - really good - despite the lump that grew on my head because of it.
Over the past days my powers had become considerably stronger; I no longer had to move my hand around to be able to move objects. I actually never really had to but it had made it easier to control the objects I was moving. Now, simply looking at what I wanted to use my power on was more than enough.
"You probably won't even have to look at what you want to move in the future, if you continue training," Ray had told me, when he came in to watch us train for a bit. "I've seen others with your power before you, but they always ended up going crazy; their power always ended up controlling them. It is a mind power, after all." Seeing me swallow nervously, he added, giving me a pat on my back, "That's why I'm glad you've taken a liking to the Training Room. I'm sure you'll control it alright, with a lot of work... if not, you could always move into a tent with other nutcases!" His teasing laugh still sounded in my head...
I was brought back to reality. I instantly raised my hand to my shoulder where a ball of ice had hit, yelling through my teeth, "Dammit!"
"Frank, what the hell are you doing? You just suddenly stopped worrying about the balls and started looking into space. It looked like you were really busy thinking about s- Oh," she finished, reaching her own conclusion.
"I wasn't thinking about that," I stated in a low voice, referring to Gerard, as I rubbed my shoulder.
She walked over to me with a concerned look on her face. I turned away from her not wanting to hear what I knew she was going to say. "Have you seen him today?" she asked softly, grabbing me by the arm.
I licked my lips nervously, hesitated and then slowly nodded. "I passed him in the hallway this morning, but... I didn't say anything. He didn't either, but he stopped and turned around... I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away."
Kat sighed sadly, biting her lower lip; athing she did a lot when she was worried, I had noticed. "You think this makes it easier on him... but I doubt he feels the same."
"I'm not going to go talk to him, Kat. Look how that worked out last time." She looked away. "Besides, we'd either end up in a lip lock or with one of us running away."
Trying to hide a smile but failing miserably, she asked, "Would that really be so bad?"
"It's not even funny anymore. I can't laugh at it like I used to, thinking everything would work out in the end. It won't. And I'm not going to joke around pretending it will. I'm just going to leave him alone, hoping he'll do the same for me."
She looked up at me, her face a perfect picture of sadness and concern.
"Let's just continue with the training. Please?" I practically pleaded. I didn't want to -couldn't! - talk about that subject any longer. She nodded sighing and began to shoot ice around the room. With my hands jammed deep into my pockets, I sent them all flying towards the walls.
Just then, the training room door opened and Aileen appeared. Three balls were flying straight towards her. Her eyes widened as Kat yelled, "Aileen, watch out!"
Instinctively, Aileen raised her arms to cover her face. She heard the ice crash on the wall behind her and slowly lowered her arms, confused. Kat and I stood with our mouths open; the ice had passed right through her.
Aileen looked at herself surprised, expecting to find impact wounds but seeing none.
"The ice," I started, sputtering the words as best I could, "it just - it went right through you, like you weren't there, it was like-"
"You have a new power!" Kat shrieked happily, running over to her friend. She threw her arms around the still shocked Aileen but ended up hugging herself and almost falling to the ground; her arms went right through Aileen as the ice had done. "Now you can't go solid..." Kat stated, studying the silent girl. "Let's go find Ray or somebody," she stated trying to grab Aileen's arm so as to guide her out, but failing once again. Sighing, she motioned for Aileen to follow her, who left the room looking at her body in wonder.
I could've stayed to train by myself since the room has a programmable system, allowing a single person to set up what kind of training they'd like to do and for how long, but I decided against it.
I walked along the long hallways not seeing anyone, and being thankful for it. I took a quick shower and towel-dried my hair, leaving it a mess afterwards. I then decided to go looking for Aileen and Kat, wondering if she had become solid again. I walked outside, but there was no one. Frowning, I turned around and walked back inside, headed down the hallway to Aileen's room. Again, no one. Walking around, I checked Kat's room and then Ray's. Where the hell had everyone gone?
I poked my head into Bob's room, and finally found another live person in this god forsaken place. Bob was on his bed with his headphones on and his eyes closed. I smiled as he raised his hands and played invisible drums in the air. I walked over to him and purposely shook his shoulder, scaring the shit out of him. He jumped and opened his eyes wide. Seeing me with a huge grin on my face, he narrowed his eyes and shoved me away playfully.
Pulling the headphones off his ears, he said, "Dude, what the hell are you trying to do? Give me a fucking heart attack?"
Still grinning, I shook my head. "Naw, Iwas just wondering if you've seen Aileen or Kat around."
"Kat?" he asked. Shaking his head sadly, he said, "I haven't seen her all day." Looking back up at me again and narrowing his eyes slightly, he said, "I thought she was with you?"
I rubbed my head. "She was but then she went off with Aileen to go find Ray... Aileen's got a new power; she can go through things."
Nodding his head distractedly, he said,"That's phasing... awesome... awesome..."
I raised an eyebrow. "Well... I'll continue my search. I wanna see how its going."
"Right... see you later then," he said continuing to look into space.
I left the room, closing his door behind me.
/Maybe they're in the training room/, I thought as I walked down the hallway in what seemed a never-ending search.
As I turned a corner, I saw Gerard coming towards me. I stopped in my tracks for a spit second as I saw him, but then lowered my head and continued forward. My heart began to race and I was sure he would hear it as I neared him. He stopped and stared at me as he had this morning. I looked up just as I was about to pass him and offered a polite smile.
My smile hid everything I really wanted. Iwanted him to want me, to need me the way I needed him. I wanted to grab him and hold him, and for the rest of the world to just disappear. I wanted him to hold me tight and never let go. To feel his lips against mine, his skin against my own. I wanted to - needed to - touch him, feel him under me. Breathe in his particular scent, play with his silky hair, look into his forever swirling green eyes...
I walked on by him and continued with my shoulders slightly hunched forward. I heard him turn around, just like this morning, while I walked away. Only this time, something changed.
"Frank," he whispered. He said it quickly and urgently, and with an unmistakable misery that made me stop in my tracks and gasp. In that moment, as my name slipped by his lips, my heart skipped abeat. My stomach was twisted into a knot even the navy would envy. I looked down at my hands and saw they were trembling ever so slightly. My breathing had become ragged, uneven.
It wasn't just lust, or a matter of what Iwanted. In that moment, I finally realized... I had never felt for any other person in the world what I felt for him. I really did need him, but that was because...
Because I was in love.
I let out a short sarcastic chuckle at that realization. I needed him because I loved him... more than anything else in the world.
Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, I turned around to face him. The one I wanted, needed and loved. The one Iwould never be able to live without. My love.
Sorry for this chapter... it's shorter than the rest and not a whole lot really happens, but I had to write it for the next one to work. The next one... will really be worth it =) I've spent days in class thinking about this next chapter and what would happen instead of paying attention to the teacher. Hope you all enjoy it, and hope I can write the picture I have in my head.
Reviews are loved, rating is even easier and just as pretty. I'll get the next chapter up soon, mostly because I want to get it out of my head! Haha
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