"Maddy?" I felt my breath get caught in my throat. Why was she standing at my door?
"We need to talk," she demanded.
"Um, okay then. Is everything alright?"
"Why did you do it?"
"Why the fuck did you do it? Why did you cheat on me Brendon?!" I saw tears meet her eyes. My breath was caught again and i had no idea how to respond to her question.
"Why don't we sit down?" I pleadingly suggested. She sat on the chair next to the couch and i sat closest to her but still stayed on the couch. She was looking at me intently, but i continued looking at the ground with a shrugged posture.
"The first time i was drunk. It wasn't meant to happen and i know that it's not an excuse, but that's the only reason i did it in the first place." I pulled out a cigarette and lit it as i was about to continue with the story.
"You started?" She asked referring to the cigarette.
"Only when I'm stressed."
"When are you stressed?"
"Always," I laughed.
"Psh, nice. I thought i told you that your voice was too great to do that?" I just looked up at her. "Sorry," she replied with an apologetic smile.
"Anyways, over the next three months we did probably 5 times. I normally only cheated when i was really frustrated."
"Frustrated with me? It was my fault?" she asked upset.
"No baby of course not." I replied as i placed my hand on her cheek. I quickly realized that i probably just crossed a line. "Sorry," I quickly pulled away. She looked down towards the ground. "I did it when i was frustrated with things that were going on with the band and such and i didn't want to use you as some release so i used somebody else. I know that sounds bad and it is. I'm sorry. You have no idea how many times a day i wish i could take it back. The last time, when you caught me, i did it because i was upset about your brother passing, about you being upset. I didnt want to show you that i was upset because i didnt want you to be more upset; however, i probably coped in the worst way possible. I think about you alot. About what we had. I can't believe i let it go, Maddy. Why would i have been so stupid?" She looked at me intently. Then she did something i would have never expected. She reached across the chair and gave me a hug.
"I forgive you, Brendon." she wrapped her arms around a bit tighter. "I'm glad you explained it to me. I'm so messed up right now."
"What else is going on?"
"I'm not living with Ryan anymore. I'm moving to New York. We were going out but I'm not over you yet, and no matter what he says he isn't over Keltie."
"Wow. thats alot to hold on your shoulders. Can i do anything to help?"i asked. She released her arms from around me.
"Well, I think that-" she began to tear up.
"What? What is it?" I asked as i lifted her face up by her chin, "What do you want to do?" I asked her, looking deeply into her concerned eyes. She tilt her head in a bit and I bridged the gap in between us. Her lips felt amazing against mine. I had missed this. She pushed her lips into mine a bit harder and ran her tongue against my bottom lip. I opened my mouth allowing her tongue to meet mine. As soon as our tongues touched she pulled away and placed her hand across her mouth.
"Brendon, Im so sorry. I- I didnt mean to. I-I" tears fell down her face.
"It's okay Maddy, I leaned in too."
"What i was gonna say was i think i shouldn't have contact with either of you until we have all moved on." I stood up and paced the floor.
"Are you trying to screw with me?"
"NO! I just-"
"What? I haven't gotten over you either.I know i was the one who fucked up, but im hurting too!"
"I know. I just-. For a second i felt like things were the way they used to be."
"They can be. We can take things slow again," I began to suggest and ended up begging.
"Brendon, if i go back to you i hurt ryan, but if i stay with ryan i hurt you. I love you both, i dont know who i love more or even if i do love anyone more. After a while you two will eventually move on. It will be the best for all of us."
"Move on? You think i could just forget about you and move on? What about you, huh? How does any of this work in your favor?"
"I have no idea, i just want to make the best choice for us." i walked over to her. she had her head in her hands.
"There's no way i will even move on or stop loving you. You are the only one for me." she looked up at me with saddened eyes, just like the ones she wore when she found out that her brother died.
"Brendon, I'm sorry," she whispered.
"For what?"I asked. She remained silent.
"I have to leave." she said. She swiftly kissed me chest and then ran for the door. Within seconds i heard her footsteps on the stairs. I ran after her.
"MADDY! MADDY WAIT!" I screamed. She was already in her car and sped off. I walked back into my apartment and fell to the couch in exasperation. What am i gonna do now?
Oh god, oh god, oh god. I've fucked things up more. I'm just going to go get Ella and then go to Jade's and then eventually make my way back to New York. I walked into the vet.
"Hi there!" the enthusiasm of the secretary was way too much for me to handle right now. I waisted no time.
"Hi I'm here to pick up Ella Soprano."
"Oh?" she questioned.
"What? What's wrong?" i asked.
"It seems to be that a Ryan Ross has already picked her up."
"You've got to be joking."
"I'm sorry miss, but on Ella's records it says that he too can pick her up."
"No, no. It's fine. Thanks" I tried to smiled. I raced back out of the vet and back to Ryan's house. I pulled into the drive and knew he was home because his house lights were on. I smacked open the front door. "RYAN!" i screamed. i paced through the front foyer and found him on the couch with Hobo and Ella. "Are you holding my dog for ransom or something?!?!"
"No, nothing like that. I just knew we would be able to talk if i picked her up and brought her back here." he said innocently.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked. He just looked at me.
"Are you serious?"
"I thought i made everything clear in the note?" I asked.
"Are you kidding me Maddy?!!? You ran away! I thought we were together and i thought you loved me but then you say you arent sure. and then you say you do but you love some one else? What is going on?"
"I dont know this is why im taking some time alone and hoping that we can all get this sorted out. i just talked to brendon and-"
"You talked to Brendon?" he asked.
"Where his house?"
"Yeah just to-"
"What the fuck Maddy?"
"Nothing just tell me what happened."
"I dont think thats your business, Ryan."
" No it is. If you made our business his business then yours and his business is our business."
i looked down at the ground.
"just tell me. I'm not going to be mad. What did you two talk about?"
"Just this whole mess of a situation and why he did it. And um-"
"What the fuck!"
"I'm sorry! i didnt mean to! it wasnt long i pulled away but i cant lie to you about it."
"ryan please dont end things like this."
"You're just as bad as her! No worse!"
"Fuck you Ryan!"