I know that I cannot hide out in my apartment forever. Everytime I do turn my phone on I have at least 5 voicemails and a ton of text messages from the both of them. I really need to weigh my options and think about who makes me happier. I decided to write down a list of reasons to be with each one.
- life of the party
- deeply romantic (not always in actions)
- cares about people other than himself (i.e. Gabe and I's happiness)
- extremely passionate
- gives me butterflies in my stomach everytime I see him
- incredibly sexy
Okay, now let's weigh the bad parts.
- cannot stand to be around Pete anymore, let his friendship fall apart
- doesn't seem to trust me at all anymore
- combative now
- always has to be the center of attention in a group environment
- holds grudges
- hurts my neck to look up at him (that's dumb I know, but still funny. might cause problems when I'm old and gray)
- scared to take chances
That's all I could think of for Pete. Think that is a clear cut sign? I'm not sure. I mean, I love the stability I feel when I'm with Gabe, but our relationship has been really rushed. Pete has been honest with me from the beginning that he wanted to take things slowly, but flaked when he got scared. The strange part is this whole time with both guys I've worried more about how Pete was feeling than Gabe. What should I do?
I woke up in the middle of the night to someone knocking on the door. Who the fuck was bothering me? I am sleeping! I walked through my place as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. Peering through the peep hole I couldn't see anyone. I wish I had replaced the bulb in that light fixture. I left the chain on the door and cracked it open.
"Patrick, what are you doing here? It's 3:30 in the morning!" I unhooked the chain and let him in.
"I tried calling, but your phone is still off." He looked kind of upset, like he had been crying. "I just came from the hospital."
My breath caught in my throat. Fuck, what happened.
"Is everyone okay?" I asked nervously and crossed my arms.
"Well, soon hopefully. It's Pete," he said and then took a deep breath. "He was on his way home from the studio and some asshole wasn't paying attention to the stop light and ran a red light. He hit Pete's driver's side and the car flipped over. Pete is in surgery right now, so I thought I'd come and get you."
I was literally shaking. I began scrambling around for my stuff. Patrick waited while I got dressed and brushed my teeth. We made it to the hospital and Pete was still in surgery. Gabe was seated next to Joe in the waiting room and immediately stood up when he saw me there.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey," I said and then sat down on Joe's other side. Joe looked pretty nervous, so I knew this was really serious. Joe's face was never serious.
"The doctor told us that he would be out of surgery soon," was all that Joe said to us. I nodded and leaned back in my seat. I stared off into space, focusing my vision on some stupid painting of birds. Who fucking puts dumb paintings of birds on their wall? I'm sure it would not have bothered me if I wasn't in such a bad mood right now.
An hour passed and no word from doctors. I was beginning to get angry. No one seemed to know how long or how he was doing. Patrick and I kept going to the nurses station to ask. Eventually a doctor came walking up to us. Andy and Marie had arrived just minutes earlier.
"He's doing okay guys, we were able to stop the internal bleeding, but he's still in pretty bad shape. He has a broken leg, arm, and three ribs all on his left side. He has a minor concussion and should be able to go home in about two days. I don't want the whole lot of you ambushing him at one time. He's still pretty out of it from all the pain medication we've given him, so I want a limit of 2 at a time." We all nodded and sighed with relief of the news. Damn that accident fucked his shit up! We were given the room number and we all made our way down the hall.
"Kiley and I should go first," Patrick said. No one objected. They knew that Patrick would obviously be first, since he is Pete's very best friend. We walked into the room and I almost couldn't bare the sight. Pete was hooked up to all sorts of machines and he had horrible bruises on his cheek. His left arm and leg were wrapped tightly in a cast, his leg propped up on the bed. I couldn't tell if there was anything around his ribs, but I bet some kind of brace was in place.
Patrick and I walked up the opposite sides of the bed and Pete's tired eyes opened slowly. I gave him a weak smile and he gave us one back.
"Jesus Pete, you look like shit. Can you feel anything?" Patrick asked.
Pete shook his head. "Not really, I feel really really drunk and numb." I glanced over Pete's poor body. He really did look like shit, but that was expected for the occasion huh? "Patrick, can I have a minute alone with Kiley?" Patrick nodded and left the room. I was standing on his right side and I took his hand.
"I'm so happy that you're here Kiley," he said. I nodded and he continued. "I should have done so much more from the beginning when I first took you out. All I've been thinking about this past week is how I've fucked up so badly."
"Pete, stop please," I said and he did. "Let's forget about the past and just worry about how we are going to get you better."
"What do you mean?"
"Pete I know that you've been flakey and done some shitty things, and Gabe hasn't been perfect either. I can't tear your friendship with Gabe apart. I'm going to be here for you while you get better, but I can't be with either one of you. I'm sorry." He nodded and closed his eyes. I know that it's not what he wanted to hear right now, but that's just how I feel. I leaned down over the bed and pressed my lips to his soft trembling ones. "I love you and I'm going to help make sure you're taken care of, okay?" And Pete nodded one more time. I gave his hand a light squeeze and left the room. Joe and Marie were headed in next and Gabe stood up in front of me.
"We need to talk Gabe," I said and he followed me down the hall to the waiting room. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the engagement ring. His face fell when I placed it in his hand. "I can't tear your friendship with Pete apart. I can't be with either of you right now. I just can't do that Gabe. I'm sorry," I said before getting onto the elevator to head home. It hurt me so much to leave the both of them, but I knew it was for the best. Pete needed to focus on getting better and Gabe needed to be there for his friend when he needs it the most.
We all took turns helping Pete out. He really couldn't do much for himself considering one half of his body was badly broken. Gabe and Pete patched things up and Gabe began dating some new girl. He seemed decently happy and he was pretty much over me. I can't really tell with Pete, then again he's on pain meds most of the time. It's been just about two months since it all went down. Pete's casts will come off here next week. His ribs will still take more time, so he'll be on strict bedrest still with a lovely brace.
Fall Out Boy had some thing going on and Pete of course couldn't go. I offered to help him out for the next two days since everyone else would be gone. Lady and I packed up our things and we made ourselves at home in Pete's guest bedroom. He was still asleep when I arrived and I let him sleep. Around 2 PM I heard the TV in his bedroom turn on. I walked to his door and knocked on it before opening the door.
"Hey, I didn't think you were here yet," he said smiling.
"Lady and I got here a few hours ago." I walked into the room and sat at the end of the bed. "Need anything?"
"Just some company," and he patted the spot on his right side. I scooted my way up to the headboard and leaned back in the pillows. We watched TV for about an hour before he got hungry. I made him some pasta and returned to the room with two plates. Watching him eat with one hand was a little entertaining. After I finished my plate I offered to help him.
"Thanks, I'm pretty worthless now," he said laughing.
"I can see that." I said and began feeding bites of food to him. We joked about random things until his plate was empty. I set it on the bedside table and reached over his lap for the remote. "Now we are going to watch HGTV as payment for me feeding you."
"Kiss me," he said.
"What?" I was caught off guard.
"Kiss me," he said as he leaned as close to me as he could. I leaned in and kissed him. None of my feelings for Pete had disappeared over the past two months and obviously neither have his. Our kissing became really heavy within a few minutes. Pete took his free and uninjured hand and cupped my cheek while kissing me.
"I love you Kiley," he said breathlessly before kissing me again. I said the words back between kisses. The house phone began to ring and we tried to ignore it, but the asshole wouldn't hang up. I pulled away and answered the phone. It was Pete's mom so I handed him the phone and left the room.
What did this mean for Pete and I? Were we getting together or what?