- Guys, log out and try again. The chapter doesn't show to me either when I'm logged in, but i could read it just fine logged out. And again, not, when i logged in again to review. I guess the site has another cold. Good one, Puck. Watch the tempuses, though. I like the prose, but if you try and keep the tempus straight, it'll be much better. The foreshadowing peaked my interest enough to put the story on Watch.
(#) Random_Guy 2008-04-27A good second chapter, if a little short. It is still looking like a good promising story so far.
The main problem seems to be the need for a beta. There are a number of cases where the wording of a sentance makes it difficult to understand, and a couple of small, but glaring errors.
Best example of this is possibly:
Quote: the message clear, “Thou shalt touch what I protect”.
This gives the image of Harry tell Percy to touch Hermione, rather than the, i assume, intended image of Harry telling Percy not to touch Hermione.
Small error (ommited word) causing complete change in meaning.
Author's responseActually going to make me search for my dictionary of old words ... But I believe I did use the correct word..
Shall - Will
Shalt - Shall Not therefore Will Not
The chapters are short because of how my brain works.. Would you rather long ones with never long pauses in updates
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