Wow, just wow. This has got to be the worst piece of writing i've ever seen. First of all your editor Dave, missed about a dozen grammer mistakes. Then the story was just horribly written. You're vocabulary was extremely limited to words like "were". There was no flow to the conversations. This is just a bad piece of writing. There's the major cliche of the whole "hermione and the weasleys stealing from me and following Dumbledore". The relationship with Daphne is just bad, theres no buildup in the first or second chapters. The only thing I can suggest is to scrap this and restart from a more practical point, with a lot more buildup. You explained nothing and the only impression i'm getting is that you aren't going to explain anything.