Review for The Confessional - Continued

The Confessional - Continued

(#) fyre_byrd 2005-07-25

Nooj is really growing very fond of Paine. The passage about her being like home to him is very lovely. This part made me giggle though, I must admit "Her taste is so refreshing I think I could drink the milk of her favor from her breasts." I find the part where he talks about placing her by his side during battle much more touching actually than all of the flowery language he adopts when speaking of Paine. Also, have you ever considered using the language of the Song of Solomon for those portions - there are often very martial metaphors used to describe the beloved. It would seem like this would be appropriate to Nooj.

I like the use of "Fools" and "Dreamers" and the many other nicknames which Nooj applies to the maesters in this chapter. I like the way Nooj refers to the other soldiers as "damaged ones" and observes that Baralai tries to keep them "functioning" as if they are nothing more than machines.

The detail about the sand worms containing water is really interesting. It is something I would certainly never have thought of.

In the first paragraph change "concentrating of" to "on."
In the third paragraph "resulting in a tsunami of men " should be "resulted."
In the last paragraph of the second last section "do it on out butts": change "out" to "our."

I really enjoy how Nooj becomes playful and joking in his attitude towards Paine almost against his will. The very phsyical nature of that final battle scene was well done, the trio laughing at their task and completing it so easily it was effortless.

Author\'s Response: One of the things I was reaching for in this section was to push him past his easy vernacular and into the realm of extravagant invention as he tries, in his awkward fashion to find a way to express how he feels. This is the deepest relationship he has ever had. Most of his prior experience with women has been more professional than romantic. Much of this chapter is challenging the other three writers. The sand-worm invention was of that sort. I really appreciate your correcting the errors which inevitably slip past. G-d, I wish I could find an editor. I had one once but we came to a parting of ways.