The story line isn't bad, but the use of language, punctuation, and grammer is atrocious. It really distracts from enjoying the story, because I spend too much time trying to put the words into the correct order. The only excuse for the way words are used here is if English is your second language. These seem to be the kinds of mistakes that would be made by someone who grew up in a language with different grammatical rules of word placement/useage.