Oh, wow, this is absolutely wonderful. Also exceptionally hot :)
I think you did a great job of keeping Rikku in character. All of her sparkle and energy, talking too much and too fast, really came through in this piece. I really had no problem making a mental image of the two of them together like this; it fit right into my mental concept of the characters, setting, and world.
Also, the occasional wryly humourous comments are wonderful! Especially the image of the Ronso cub at the beginning, and the fact that "one would have to be a castrated Hypello not to notice the left and right wing of Lulu's breast army." I laughed right out loud.
You did a great job :)
Author's response
Aw, thanks very much for the review! I'm glad it worked and that you enjoyed it. The 7-year age difference made this piece very tricky to write. :)