I like your use of similies (similie? I think so), like when you described Zelda's habit with the tassel as making her seem like a child; that really helped the image in my head.
I also like how the queen feels so.. detached, when she starts to talk to Malon, and when she's rejected at the end. It's so regal and elegant and fitting for her!
I just had an eensie little problem with the sectioning; one paragraph would describe something and then suddenly shift in its focus- but that's just my opinion.
All in all, this story made me pretty... sad, in a quiet little way. And that's good. Nice work. :)
Author's response
I'm glad you liked the story so much. I was really trying hard with my descriptions in this one, but it sounds like it paid off. I was a little surprised to get a review so soon, this being the first F/F zelda story on the site (to my knowledge) and this being such a small comunity and all. I might write some more in the future, if I get some inspiration.