Humm...interesting story. However, 1 problem, you can fit all these chapters into ONE! Not 6 short ones! They're so damn short. You need to fix this. Also, you need better grammar in these. You also need better punctuation in this story. You hardly use the Enter key for new paragraphs. I'll say it again...fit all these ridiculously short chapters into one so its better to read! You'll get a lot of flames for this if you don't.