FicWad

I'm a bit in two minds about this story. On one hand, you're a good writer, your writing style flows very nicely, and you have a fair grasp on dialogue. Your writings have the same "easy-to-pick-up-and-read" qualities of the original HP books (from what I've read of your other stories, this also applies to them).

Now, I'm going to be nitpicky and possibly come across as mean in this next part, but please don't take it as a personal attack on you, because it's not meant that way at all.

My main problem is with, well, characterization. The people here just don't feel like the characters I know from the HP books... the worst bit is Harry threatening a goblin with his wand and then saying "if I have to use magic, there will not be a goblin left alive to rebel" -- that just goes so completely against his character, such as it is in the books. Harry might have a touch of arrogance over him, and he's not always the nicest guy, but he's not that much of a jerk, or that stupidly suicidal. (And despite what a lot of fanfics seem to think, Harry is not in any way the most powerful wizard there is and would not have had the raw power to deal with a bank-ful of goblins.) He comes across as bullying and overbearing, even when he's being "nice" to the goblins later on -- I woulda expected that kind of behavior from Malfoy, but not from Harry.

Hermione, too, comes across as OOC -- while I can easily see Hermione as overly bitchy and snappish, I really don't see how she would have been so under those circumstances, and particularly not to Ron, whom she has just gotten together with if you follow canon timeline, and who has done absolutely no wrong. Yeah, I realize her arguments and completely agree that those are conclusions Hermione would have drawn (she's very much a "don't do what you will, do what I say" personality, and would definitely argue for the change of the entire society if she thought that was for the better), but blowing up in Ron's face just for saying "now, Hermione"? I also can't see her as that unforgiving towards Percy -- Hermione is usually more forgiving than that, after she'd had some time to think things over.

Speaking of Percy, when did he get so formal? I know he was never all that chummy with Harry or Hermione, and has been estranged from them from three years, but why would he suddenly begin calling them "miss Granger" and "mister Potter" when he never did before? It was always "Harry" and "Hermione" when he was at Hogwarts, and then "Potter" (no "mister") when he cut off from his family. I think that he woulda gone back to calling them by their first names by now... or at least dropped the "miss" and "mister."

Toldja this review would sound overly mean and nitpicky.

Well, I do think the story has potential to be really great.

I do like the idea here, and the political implications of the story are definitely interesting -- but, like I said, the characters just don't feel right. It's mainly because of that fact that this doesn't feel like the "real" epilogue at all, but... something else.

Still, there are probably many more chapters to go, so things can still get better... and most of the OOC things can be explained away (Percy was overly polite on purpose, Hermione was under a lot of stress), except for Harry, who is just blatantly OOC no matter how I look at it.