I'm always happy to read any of your work, and while I can see some of the points Nappa made in his review, part of it is that this chapter is quite a bit different from the ususal style of your work. A lot of your writing is weighted heavily towards the narrative as opposed to dialog, while this chapter was almost exclusively dialog with little narrative to bridge the sections.
I also found the very frank description about sex on Hermione's part jarring, especially as blunt as Hermione was being, but part of that was because I just finished trying to slog through a story called 'Harry's Seraglio', where Harry endsup with a dozen slaves, all of whom just love anal and scatological sex, including Hermione. Blech. I have no problems with a sexully adventurous Hermione (it's always the quiet ones!), but this was a bit over the top.