Review for Pain and Truth

Pain and Truth

(#) JesusKetchum31 2005-08-14

Grr, it ate my review. Anyway, interesting premise, and the writing is okay, but there are a lot of problems. You have a ton of run-on sentences; you need to use commas, semicolons, and periods more often. Narcissa seems out of character, and NOT Just over the whole curse thing--her speech patterns seem off. Draco and Hermie are out of character, but I've come to expect that from almost all Draco/Hermie fics, it sort of goes with the territory.

Also, you explain a lot of wizarding stuff in too many words, or just explain it. You should really try to allude to this stuff--those of us who would be reading HP fanfiction should already know it. Don't go on and on about what a mudblood is... How would Draco describe what a mudblood is while thinking to himself? think about that.

Also, your story's ending is practically obvious from the beginning. I mean, the portkey, I didn't see that coming, but Hermione? I sure did.

There's potential here, but as it's written it comes off like another Drago Angst fic and another Drago/Mione fic got drunk at a party.

Still, with some heavy edits, this could be something nice.