haha, niiice
i like this, very original
but i think you shouldn't change up between first and third person quite so much. try doing it all in first, it seems suiting to the story
=)
Author's response
Thanks.
ok, I'll give it a go. Let it never be said don't listen to you guys.
Although I may do two versions of chapter three. One all in first and one in first and third. :]