I like it! I agree with 'tragic' that it is original, but also wanted to say that if you like, you should keep switching perspectives, you just might want to make sure you're specifying that you are doing, and whose point of view it's in. Otherwise, first person would be good. You write well.
Author's response
Okay, I'll bear that in mind with the pov's. Thanks for saying it's orginal and thanks for saying I write well.
:]