I've been reading this story and really enjoying it. Your pacing is good, the action is exciting and some of your scenes are very thrilling.
For example, the lead up to the attack on Amelia and Susan had me very worried that Susan was going to get captured, and then the waiting for Harry to rescue her.....
Also the scene where Hermione is walking around in town alone had me very worried for her.
However, here comes the critism part. You use the wrong words extremely often. Her for him or He for her, and "and" gets used for "an" "on" "hand" -- all things that don't get caught by the spell checker. (Another that I saw a number of times was "will" for "we'll" but that's disappeared after a few chapters).
Anyway, you might want to get a beta or do some more re-reads before posting. This are hard errors to see if you "know" what you're reading.
Good luck with it! Very enjoyable. Thanks for writing this.
Tom A.
Author's response
Thanks for the comments. Your right there are very hard for me to pick up. I try and get as meen as I can but as you can see some still slip through.
I do have a Beta reader at the moment and he's doing great in helping me along but even with two eyes we miss things like this.
So until they come up with a programme that can do it for me I'll do my best which is all that I can do.
Thanks for taking the time and writting these comments.
Easysurfing