Review for The Acts Of Betrayal

The Acts Of Betrayal

(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2007-10-27

First of all, I rated this story as original. I like it. It does have elements of other story's such as White Knight Grey Queen, with the disappearing act, and I liked it there and I liked what you did with it. I hate Ron with a passion. He's a self-centered ass in canon and that was especially proven in canon with Deathly Hallows when he abandoned his friends for a warm meal and home. Next, I like your take on manipulative Dumbledore, however, you've not really showed his motivations for the things that he has done to Harry. Also, you've shown, or drawn a correlation between something that he did to Tom in his life but not explained it. I'm curious if you will have his enthraller be Myrtle. It would fit with her death. Next, I'm curious as to how this is going to impact a potential for a Potter marriage contract or whether you will permit Luna to join the group. She cares greatly for Harry as a friend in this one and has obviously given up on Ron in your story due to the circumstances.

I imagine that there will be the eventual confrontation between Ron and Harry where Ron boasts about the things that Hermione did for him and it will end with him in either the hospital wing in Hogwarts or in the grave.

I'm not sure where you're going to go with the twins because the rapes of both Harry and Hermione by Ron and Tonks respectively will leave alot of harsh feelings. One aspect that has been lacking in this story has been Remus Lupin. With all the Remus/Tonks shippers, you've certainly strayed by making Tonks absolutely as evil as her Aunt. Remus is no where to be seen.

This has to be rectified any which way you want to go with it. You could have him a Tonks lapdog or in Harry's camp. I'd prefer Harry's camp but this is your show.

Something has to happen to the Weasleys. Arthur has always been portrayed as a brainless yesman for Dumbledore and I'd certainly like to see more demensions of his character. Not just the Ghost Unspeakable, either. That's overdone.

I like the length that you have for your chapters. It shows more depth in thought, however I think that you could probably milk more length into the dialogue if you add motivations and after thoughts to what the characters are thinking and feeling after they speak.

I hope that you update soon. This has been surprising to find an unrated story that is actually quite good. I do hope more people decide to rate it and I hope that you update soon.

Geovanni Luciano

Author's response

I've not read White Knight Grey Queen, So i'll have to look for it. I don't think there are that many original ideas left for Harry and the Gang to play with... As far as going to ground goes, since they are both raised Muggle, disappearing into the mundane population would be simplicity for them, not something the bulk of Wizards could do.

Re: Ron. I don't hate him, other than his insane jealousy/realization that Harry gets crapped on with alarming frequency cycles from canon. That being said, I needed a baddie, so who better than a horny best friend. Again, not original.

Dumbles' reasons will be reveled in the future.

I wish I had thought of using Muggle born Myrtle before I had written the plot point where Tom recalls killing his enthraller and dismissing the idea that harrys could be Hermione because Dumbles would use a pureblood for the job...

There will be no Potter marriage Contract. When I originally outlined the story Luna was going to be the one to execute the contract, but I just couldn't get her character to be all that interested in repopulating the Pureblood culture, so intro Daphne. (besides it's more fun to write a giggling hyper aroused Slytherin) I'm currently attempting to plot out something good for Miss Lovegood.

There is going to be a single confrontation between Harry and Ron, it will not be physically violent, Harry is not going to be the one to deal with Ron.

Remus isn't in the fic yet for the simple reason that for the life of me I can't write him. From my keyboard he sounds like the worst kind of pretentious fool. I'm working on it. For the purposes of this fic, Tonks and Remus are not a couple since they got together in HBP and that didn't happen in my universe. He's going to show up, but I suspect he'll support Dumbles, since he is the leader of the light and all that...

I've got something special in store for the Weasleys. No Ghost unspeakable will be used in the writing of this fic. I'm not sure, but I think my method of dealing with Dumble's followers and Tommy's as well is relatively unique.

I'll work on the dialogs

Thanks for the review, that is possibly longer than some of my chapters... ;}