I agree with the reviewers who feel that the end is too abrupt, and that the reader really needs to see both the Dursleys and Dumbledore pay for their crimes. One of the things I found most infuriating about the conclusion of the series was that not only was Dumbledore completely aware of Harry's upbringing and the effect it would have on him, Harry was so conditioned by it that he actually felt grateful for it, enough so that he named one of his sons after two of his abusers. I'm going to read your follow-up to this, but you really should revisit the original.
A version where the Dursleys go on the run and Remus catches up with them wouldn't be bad either. A scene where he confronts them in their remote hideout, where he tells them what scum they were, how they weren't fit to be called human beings, and then when Vernon tries to bluster Remus says, "I'm not going to turn you in to the police, nor am I going to contact Dumbldore. I am simply going to wait here with you until the moon rises tonight."
Author's response
Fenriswolf,
I agree. I ended 'Discovery' like that because that's where most cases of severe abuse do end. On the request of almost all my reviewers, I wrote a sequel called 'Discovery: revisited'. It goes into the aftereffects of Harry's death on all those who either had something to do with it or those who were involved in his life. (I also included some who met him at Hogwarts.) Unfortunately, as I wrote one character, another would pop up and I had to put a few words down on them, so it's a bit wordy.
JKR really didn't do her homework when writing SS/PS. Or maybe she did. I've seen cases where the abused child is absolutely convinced, usually by the abuser, that he or she is wholly responsible for his/her abuse. This kind of conditioned response is the most difficult part of treating these kids who do manage to survive. I still think someone ought to slap her, though.
I like your idea for Remus. I'm not sure I could do it justice, though. I usually write him as a tragic soul trying to survive, or a warrior in the heat of battle. His line: "I am simply going to wait here wit you until the moon rises tonight, would instill fear into almost anybody. (On the other hand, Vernon ain't the sharpest tack in the box.)
Thanks for the kind review. Alorkin